Episode 44 of the Fuel the Fire Podcast hosted by Shanon Safi, RD, LDN.
You definitely don't need all of the stuff. There are people I know people in my life who are not at all interested in astrology or human design or any of it and live very aligned lives because they know themselves and they are in touch with their intuition, and they don't even realize it, but they just naturally, inherently know when something is something that they should pursue or not, and they keep listening to themselves and they're in and they live a very aligned life and never even know their sun sign and don't care at all.
Hello, hello, welcome to the Fuel the Fire podcast with your host, Shanon Safi.
Today we have a very special guest, Haley Martinez, who is a holistic practitioner and breathwork facilitator. I met Haley, I think, last year at some point. I came to one of her breathwork classes and I just absolutely adored it. We met through a mutual friend, Jess, and so I was really happy for her to connect us, and I'm excited to open up this conversation. The last time we spoke it was over lots of delicious sushi, so I'm excited to have this conversation now recorded for everyone to hear and really start to open up to some of the magic that Haley has to offer. Yay, I'm excited. So, Haley, let's just start by telling everyone a little bit about yourself outside of your career.
Hmm, I love that question because the first question is usually about what do you do? Well, on a soul level, I'm very artsy and creative. Actually, I was always in the arts, like acting, creating art, painting, charcoal, drawings. I've played the piano since I was nine years old, very musical, always to dance, like creativity is a huge part of me.
I love to be in nature, at the beach, laying in the grass, like anything outside, which is why living in New Jersey is really hard for me, because the winter is like very constricting and I just love to adventure Like I just love new, exciting experiences.
I love connecting with new people. Like I'm the kind of person that could go anywhere anywhere by myself and just make a friend because I just love to talk to humans. So, yeah, I just really love to bop around and be out and about and experience life, which is kind of why life has taken me down this career path. I feel that's how that connects. There for me is like the typical jobs are just not conducive to who I am as a person. I really need that freedom to just express and create and travel and like try new, crazy stuff. You know crazy, but yeah, it's just very much a part of me that has always been there, and now, as an adult, I'm finally realizing that I can embrace that and step into that, even in my area of career. Career doesn't have to be separate from like who I am.
Yeah, I think that's a beautiful note and I noticed that it happens a lot, especially in the spaces of coaching and online business, where there's so much integration between who you are and what you do. I think that it's nice when you can find an avenue that just really allows you to be yourself, so that work doesn't have to feel like it's forced or it's something that you get to share, like a part of your soul, part of your journey, something that helped you heal or nourish yourself. You get to share with people in a really authentic way that doesn't have to fit specific confines or a construct that maybe is created by society or a work role and things like that. So it's nice that you get to just be fully expressed in your work.
I think that's so important for people to start to really know and embrace. Like, especially in now that we're going into like the age of Aquarius is like your innate talents and gifts and who you are can make money. Like you don't have to fit into a box. Like you do not have to do what you've always done or what you see as like potential career opportunities. Like you can create something out of nothing. Like you might just have this gift that you share with people and people love that and you make something of that. And it's not like a job that already exists, but you make it one. Like we no longer have to fit into a job.
Or like a specific study at a university. Like how do we think that new studies are like created, but I know that in the UK they just created a whole new university like I don't know what you call it like a school of like astrology and occult sciences that didn't exist. Like why does that happen? Because people say I actually I want to do this and no one's doing it yet, but I'm going to do it anyway. Like we need a lot more of that now this invention, this creativity and this just like embodying who we really are, and not just like constricting ourselves and dumbing ourselves down to like do this thing, that is not really us or what we want to do, because people are going to miss out when we're not doing what we want to do, cause everyone has something that they need to receive from out us our gifts. They're so important yeah.
What do you like? I'm curious, like I totally hear everything that you're saying and I really resonate with it. I'm also curious to know what your take is on like people who do follow like a normal career or like, yeah, I guess we'll just start there before I start like question stacking and asking like 18 questions in one.
Yeah, I think that you know we live in a society, you know where there's structure and there's something for everyone. I 100% believe that these, like quote, normal jobs are certain people's passions and gifts. Like, for some people, being an accountant is the best job, like there's nothing wrong with that. Like, for some people, they love numbers, they love helping people with money, they are able to, like, really help people in that area of their life, and so that is them using their gifts. So, just because something is deemed normal in our society doesn't mean that it's not exciting and fulfilling for some people. It's just that for others, like, we can't find that feeling within the range of things that already exist. So we need to know that it is safe to go outside of that.
But, 100% I think that there's something for everyone and sometimes the thing is like what is already in society and we need that and we need those people. Like people who love to work a nine to five and love having that structure and love having someone above you know, a higher up, a boss, to tell them like this is what I need you to do in order to be successful. Like that really works for some people, some people, the thought of having their own business, or having to like be creative and invent something totally new, or like express their emotions, like that doesn't resonate for that, like that's not who they are, that's not what their gifts are, and that would be like horrifying and like miserable for them. So yeah, there's a part for everyone in society.
So it's really just about finding what feels the most aligned for you and understanding the way that you function best.
Yeah, yeah, really knowing yourself and knowing. Like do I want to, like, do one of these options really resonate with me? Like do I want to fit into this piece, like do I want to work for someone else or do I want to like create something new and really just be super independent in the world? Because obviously, like, if we were all just independent creatives, like I don't know the structures that need to exist in society, like that might not work, but then again, if we all fit into those jobs, like that's when all the power is given to like only a few individuals, or there would be no like invention in society. So all of the parts are equally important.
Yes, you just got to know yourself, if someone's really new to understanding themselves, like, for example, if it's someone that has just not known any different right. So I think, typically we're exposed to something, or we learn about an opportunity, or we see someone that we admire and start to have curiosity. What if you're in the space of like oh okay, I've, I followed this path, I worked this job and I have no idea who I really am. Where would you start to explore that? With someone or like? What questions would you ask? Or are there resources that you would point them towards practices that would help them start to discover who they really are and what genuinely aligns with them?
1000%. I would direct them straight to meditation and breathwork, because also just being alone for like a significant amount of time, like a whole day at the least, if you had the opportunity to take a solo trip and just spend like a few days to a week or more by yourself, really disconnected, but even like you can get into that state, just like in the meditation or in a breathwork where you're taking like even just five minutes to like I don't know 45 to an hour with yourself, with no one else's energy, no one else's thoughts and opinions, and you're just with you and you can really like hear and feel yourself and your own energy and your higher self and your spirit guides and your angels that are always like guiding and directing and supporting us to our mission. If we are constantly looking to other people to help us find the answers about ourselves, like we're always going to be a little bit off because nobody else knows what is for our highest and best except for us. Everybody will come with their own experiences, their own opinions, judgments, thoughts, baggage, you know, and that's not ours, so we it's best not to allow your own life decisions and your own thoughts and ideas and desires to be affected by that of others, even your best friend or your parents or your partner, who love you and want what's best for you, they still don't necessarily know what that is for you, like we do.
And even those times where it feels like, oh, I have no idea what I want. I've tried so many things, nothing is doing it Like I'm so lost. That is when you need to be alone the most. And I promise you, when you do that and you take that opportunity and to just be completely disconnected from everyone, tune into yourself and just ask. Like, just tune into a meditation and just ask the universe. Ask nothing, just ask the air, whatever. Please guide me in the direction of my highest self. Like, please show me what is, what is the next step for me? Like, ask, set the intention and it will begin to unfold for you.
But you need to pay attention to what's happening and you need to be aware. And if we're just letting life like happen and we're just doing what we think we're supposed to do and not really like, we can really be closing ourselves off to those opportunities that are going to change our lives. We can really be missing all the signs. By partaking in breathwork and meditation we develop our awareness, our self awareness, but also our awareness of the whole universe around us and all the energies around us and opportunities around us. To see how it's guiding us, like down the path we're already on, or down a new path.
But, seriously, like, the awareness component I think is the most important to know, like when someone is speaking to you, like and you're hearing, you know, maybe about something that you're doing with your life or an idea that you have, and they have their judgment of it, their opinion of it, their advice, and to think to yourself while they're speaking Okay, does this what they're saying? Does this resonate with me, or is this, this they're their thing, their stuff and and I might not take any of it I agree.
I think meditation can be such a powerful tool and coming into yourself, creating that piece, because through that, through that void, through that space, that's when you can start to tap into your intuition. However, what I noticed with a lot of clients, especially people that are new to personal development or self exploration, they find that there's a lot of resistance towards the thought of doing something like meditation or sitting in silence. Is it so crowded by their thoughts, self judgment towards having thoughts, and they almost feel like they can't really sink into it and clearly know that what they're hearing is their intuition. There's a lot of break in that self trust, or maybe it just hasn't been established yet because somewhere, somewhere along the lines in their story, they were taught or conditioned to feel like they can't trust themselves and they don't know what's best for them. How do you work around that or how do you work through that?
Yeah. So there's a few pieces there. So I want to address both the one how to work with those who feel like meditation doesn't work for them, and then the other one being how to know, like if it's your intuition, how to trust yourself. So don't let me forget to address both of those. So the first one I obviously hear this all the time doing what I do like oh yeah, I've tried meditating before like it's it's really hard for me, like it gets a little anxiety inducing I have, so my mind starts racing, I can't focus. So that's where I will kind of educate people to the fact that there's so many different types of meditation.
I rarely meditate by sitting in silence, like almost never, because of that. I have a lot going on in my world right now and I that happens to me if I try to sit in silence, like I will get distracted and for me, like having something guiding me, someone, whether it's myself or another facilitator, like speaking to me and guiding me through an experience, or having just like music, mantra, something going on that's guiding my focus, so that my focus is in a specific area, and like something is grabbing my attention, but in an intentional way, you know, so that I'm not getting distracted. So that's why I do like a lot of guided meditations where I'm speaking you through with questions or just like guiding you through an experience with my voice. So you're like you're active, you're actively listening, thinking and experiencing something and you're not just there on your own feeling like clueless and you don't know if it's working. You're definitely going to experience something, and meditation doesn't also have to just be sitting like that. There can be meditation through movement.
A lot of people have intuitive downloads during something like yoga. Also, breathwork is very active. Breathwork is a type of meditation, but you're constantly manipulating the breath in a specific way. That's like requires all of your attention. So you're focused on the breath. But you're also like opening yourself, opening your intuition to receive and just getting out of, out of the head and back into the body. I think that's when most people these days need is to get out of their own heads and into the body. We're so stuck up here in our heads like thinking, thinking and intellectualizing and that I hate to say never, but like never works, because the answers are in the body and in the heart and in the intuition and they're just, they're not in that the intellectual stuff is going to block us from so many realizations, ideas, epiphanies, knowledge and just like things that we already know but are talking ourselves away from or out of. So, really like for a lot of people, I think getting into the body through doing some type of more active meditation is a really helpful way to get in there.
And then once you develop that skill because it is a skill, it's a practice I mean nobody will, maybe somebody got on a bike for the first time and was able to take off Like it's a practice, just like anything we do for the first time you usually it's going to be a little challenging, it's going to feel new, it's going to feel like I don't know what I'm doing, but the more often that you do it, the better and easier it becomes and the more you can just sink into it and experience it. So, just because those first few times that you try, it feels a little challenging or a little bit, not, maybe not what you expected, just keep going, give it a full week and see how it evolves and truly, like you only need a couple minutes, like I started off doing three minutes of breath work in the morning because I didn't want to wake up earlier. I wasn't really sure what I was doing, but I had like one thing I was watching or one thing that was currently practicing, and sometimes like I would get up and let her do it for three to five minutes and it really made a difference. So, just exposing people to all the different possibilities that they can try and like making it such a small change, like try this for three minutes every day for a week and see what happens, and if you don't like it, don't do it anymore, we'll try something else.
So then the other part of knowing if it is your intuition or just like some crazy thoughts going on is really, once you have developed this practice and developed this skill, you start to notice a difference in the way things feel in your body, because we're getting into the body. So at first, yeah, of course it might be confusing and you might not know because you haven't practiced this skill. So, seriously, give us some time and so, practicing meditation, practicing breath work, and then after a while, you'll start to notice when thoughts come in or ideas or whatever information enters you, your mind, your body, your heart, however it comes in for you and notice how does it feel in your body. So this information that you've received, does this feel anxiety inducing, scary? Does this feel like scarcity, like fear? Is it very aggressive and loud? Is it really like screaming at me?
If it's one of those, they're like unkind, right, they're not. They don't feel like of love of light, they feel like intense and just icky. That's not your intuition, that's fear, that's your ego, that's the human stuff. That is not from your heart, that's probably from your head or just some kind of subconscious fear. We all have them. So if it feels discomforting, it's most likely no, not most likely, it's not your intuition. So, being able to feel like, where do I feel fear in my body? What does anxiety feel like to me? What does scarcity feel like to me? Because it's different to all of us.
So, just exploring our emotions over time like I said, it's a practice and knowing so that when it comes up and you can identify like, no, that that's fear. I feel that in my my chest feels tight, or, though that's anxiety, I feel it's making me hot, like that is not your intuition, that's just human stuff. Notice it, acknowledge it, thank it for trying to protect you and release it and just keep going until the intuition comes through, because it will. Sometimes we have to go through the fears to access the intuition and sometimes we don't. But just know that, like, just cause fears are coming up doesn't mean you're doing it wrong, it's it's. It's human and they are protective.
The intuition will feel loving, gentle. It might be quiet, it might not come in as clearly, it might be very subtle, and this is why it takes practice to notice, but the intuition will feel grounded and it will always feel like safe and it's just a good feeling. And you'll just know, like, when you receive that intuitive information, you'll just know in your heart, in your soul, that, like this, this is the truth. And you might doubt it if it is something that surprises you or is not what you expected. But I encourage you that when that information comes through, like even if it is surprising or you are doubting it, to just follow it and see what happens.
And if you follow your intuition and do what it you know suggested, you take that action and it yields, you know, progression, a positive result, like it's leading you down a better path, and then you are like, oh, okay, that worked out. So next time something comes up and it feels like that, I'm going to follow it again and it leads you down a good path. And you start to see the pattern of like oh, wow, every time I listen to my intuition, like it works out for me and that's how you develop the trust. But if you never listen to it, you're never going to learn to trust it. It's really a matter of just just trying and seeing what happens, because you can always change your direction, like we're never stuck or trapped, even if it feels that way or not. We can always make a new choice, you can always redirect.
That's the whole point, honestly, of life is like trying something and then being like oh, do I want to go this way or go the other way, and you can always go the other way. But that's a good way to practice, like in your real life, like listen to your intuition, or what you feel is your intuition, and see like is this my intuition? Like is it guiding me down my highest path? And, if not, reflect and think like well, why did I? Was that my intuition or was that fear? Like where did it take me? How did that feel? It's just a practice of trying and reflecting and it really is a practice over time, that we're going to be practicing and trying and never being 100% sure as long as we live, because that is the human experience.
Yeah, there's so many great points that you touched on. So, starting with the first question of just being really open to thinking of meditation in a completely different way, I think we have a lot of false preconceptions about what meditation is supposed to look like and we get really fixated on what we think it has to be that we can't really allow ourselves to sink into the actual experience because we're so in our head, worried about like, how is this supposed to feel? What am I supposed to be doing? Am I supposed to be shutting down all my thoughts? Am I supposed to be completely in silence? That can be so difficult for a lot of people because, again, coming back to that self judgment where we're so caught up in wanting to make sure that we're doing it right, that it's taking away from the actual experience and what we could get out of it, because we're so worried and using our logic mind too much and not allowing it to rest and allowing our intuition to start to come through, which kind of leads into the second part.
I think with that we have so much emotional conditioning and trauma that can block our intuition or at least distract us from what our intuition is trying to communicate.
Because I think something that a lot of people forget, like your intuition is always communicating with you.
It's never not there, it's only are you choosing to create the space to allow yourself to hear that voice clearly, because we get caught up in like this is what I think I'm supposed to be doing, or I should be at this point in my life, or I need to fit in this box, and I'm not doing that right now, and so we create that sensation of feeling trapped, feeling stuck, like we can't make a different choice.
Or if we feel like we start choosing one thing that we can't turn around and there's so much shame in turning around or pivoting, it keeps us stuck in cycles that we're never really meant for us, because then we just sort of like run around in a circle. It's almost like a pattern that we create that we then have to recondition of like. Okay, I think I'm supposed to be doing this, but I try this. I feel so much guilt, so I go back to doing the thing, and then I realize I hate the thing, so I try to stop doing it, but I feel too much guilt and go back and it becomes this cycle that we can't seem to get ourselves out of, because there's just no self trust yet and we're still weighing too heavily on the opinions of the people that we think we can trust and that we absolutely can trust. But, like you said, no one can give you information on your higher self better than you can.
Speaker 1: 26:04
No, and there's so much conditioning in there, like I mean, there's conditioning around everything because we're exposed to so much, so like, why do we think that meditation is sitting in silence? Movies, pictures like Buddha statues, like I don't know? There's so much conditioning around what meditation is and there's literally walking meditations. Moving meditations, very, very active meditations that actually require a lot of physical effort. So for those people that it's hard to sit still, I mean eventually want to get to a place where we can sit still, but we don't have to start there. We can start somewhere that is really active and feels good for you and work our way through through the trauma, through what we need to release that makes it so hard for us to sit still until we can.
Another thing is our intuition is not only just a voice in our head. So something I teach people about is that we have our intuitive gifts, can look a lot of different ways. So it's it's like what's called our Claire's right, the way that we receive intuitive information. For some people, hearing things like whether you hear a voice in your head or it's just like sounds like your own voice or a different voice, like that's strong for people and they literally can hear stuff, or like seeing, like words or like. That sense of receiving information is very strong. And some people are like I never hear anything, like my intuition is not working. But that's not the way that they receive. For some people they just feel things in the body and the way that they receive intuitive information is through feeling. How does your body feel here in this place? How does your body feel when you think about this possibility? How does your body feel when you're doing this activity? That is your information that you need to pay attention to.
Some people will just have an immediate like, no, like I know what I got to do, like, oh, I get a drop set of nowhere, like I have to do this and it's not just a random thought, that's your intuition. And some people see, some people have a really strong visionary ability and they see images or something, or they have really vivid dreams, or it's really easy for them to like, visualize and imagine, like using your imagination. People who have very vivid imaginations like that's actually their intuition, that's their intuitive gift of seeing. So another thing that goes along with like developing that self trust is knowing which gifts, which intuitive abilities, are stronger for you.
Speaker 1: 28:36
Because if you're like, oh, my intuition doesn't work, I don't trust myself, I never see anything or I never hear anything, but actually your gift of feeling and knowing are stronger than you're missing it you're missing. You're trying to force this information, this acquisition of this knowledge through this way. That just isn't the way it's coming through and you're totally missing all the information that's been coming in 24 seven for you because you don't think that's what it is. So there is that like educational aspect of that people don't talk about, of like knowing, like how humans actually do receive their, their intuitive information and how their intuition actually works. It can look so many different ways.
That is so true. I'm curious if you've ever, or if you're, familiar with human design. My guess is oh, yeah, okay, yeah. I think this is such a cool tool because it can give you some insight as to, maybe, how you make decisions and how you might receive, I think, one of them there's like a couple parts that can help you determine this. There's one I'm forgetting I'm forgetting the phrase of it, but it's like how you make decisions.
I'm forgetting the exact word, but essentially it's like you can be someone that knows instantaneously in the moment. You can be someone that needs to wait, like 30 days, like your authority. What is it? My authority? Yes, inner authority, okay, that's it. That's it.
So, yeah, it's like there's different ways of knowing, and for me personally, my inner authority is splenic, and so what that means is like the second I hear the thing I have to trust in that moment, what it is that I feel to be true and real to me, and I can never recreate that moment. So what happens is like if I don't make the decision right away, or if I don't trust what I feel in that moment, or I forget what I felt in that moment or try to disconnect or use my logic to override it, because I'm like, oh well, logically I should be able to trust this person and you know, there's no reason not to, or whatever. And I'll build up all these stories when in reality, like it was just a no for me but I couldn't, like I wanted to override it because I want to see the good, or I like I want to be more optimistic and whatever have you goes on in my logic mind at that time around that decision, like I tried to justify a different reason, and so the further I get away from that, the further I get away from my intuition. So it seems like difficult.
At first it was really hard for me to lean into that because I was so it was hard for me to also deal with confrontation. So I felt like like, oh, I don't want to say no right away to this thing, or I don't want to shy away from it. I need to give it a chance, I need to be more open. But it's like no, that I have to trust that, like that's what's right for me and just because maybe it's it's better for other people to do it a different way, or, you know, like I don't have to keep it like it was perpetuating a lack of trust in myself and my gut, right? And then I would spend all this time and energy going through a thing that was never meant for me, because I didn't want to trust that sense of intuition, and it was just like the repetition of messing that up so many times. Or I was just like, okay, what would happen if I leaned into that? Let's just test it out, right, like trial and error. Let's see.
That's a perfect example of what I'm saying. So what you just said about oh, I felt this way, but I thought that I had to give it a chance or I had to be more open. Someone probably told you that right, probably your parents were like, oh, come on, just give it a chance, see if you like it, just be open, like, and they, that is a good intention, like that's well intentioned, it's trying to support you, to just to support you to grow, and maybe you know in their experience, like that's what they needed. But that actually is the opposite of what you needed, and I love this because so, for example, so that's your explaining authority. You need to make almost impulsive decisions and you are someone who is a friend to me, someone whose opinions I trust, and if I went to you with the decision I needed to make and you have a splitting authority and you need to make these impulse, quick decisions, and you told me Haley, look, what are you feeling right now? Whatever you're feeling right now, do that. That would be bad advice for me, because I'm an emotional authority and I'm actually the complete opposite of that.
So I will often have an emotional reaction to something that comes my way immediately and I can. I am not meant to act on that because usually that will lead me, will not. Usually sometimes that will lead me in the wrong direction. So if I am presented with an opportunity or I meet someone the first time, or like these new things come my way and I immediately am like no, like I don't like that, I don't want that. That's, that's a hard no, I need to sit with that. I need to wait like a good week to see, like, all right, I'm having this emotional reaction to it. It's like it's like no, it's like I'm not into it. All right, let me revisit this idea again tomorrow and see how I feel. Maybe tomorrow I still feel that way and then a couple days pass and I've had more time to sit with it and like ride what's called my emotional wave until I get like in a neutral place and I no longer feel like so repulsed by it and I could just kind of like sit with it and look at it like in a neutral emotional perspective and I might see oh you know what I actually see how that could benefit me at this time, maybe not like long term, but like if I, if I do this right now, like it could give me this and then that could lead to this, and so when I no longer feel emotional around it and I can just observe it a little bit more, like removed from it, I can actually make a decision, or the opposite. Usually it's the opposite for me. Well, actually I can.
I can think of times my life where it's been that way, but often I will immediately be excited about something and want to say yes, because I, like I told you, I'm very adventurous, and someone will present something to me and it'll be like oh yeah, oh, this sounds so fun, I'm exciting, I can't wait, let's do it.
And I have that like excited emotion and then a week later I'm like, oh, actually, that doesn't resonate, or that's I think that's actually not what's for my highest and best.
Or like, yeah, that might be really fun and like I might like have a good time, but that's actually not going to get me where I'm trying to go, and so that's why it's so important for me.
A lot of my life I lived very impulsively and I would do things because of how I felt in the moment, and it actually ended up biting me later and I and I realized I had so much clarity around the situation, like not too long after I made the decision of like oh man, if I had just given that a little more time, I would have seen why that that wasn't the best choice for me. So we're literally the exact opposite. So if you were to give me advice based on your experiences, like that's actually not supportive of me. The more that I lean into my knowing of myself and knowing how I work and how my intuition speaks to me, the more I can make more aligned decisions for myself. And, of course, you would be coming from a heart centered place wanting what's best for me. But even no matter how big your intentions are, only I know what decisions I need to make.
There is, yeah, 100% truth in all of that and I think that's why it can sometimes be like I hate to use word dangerous, but it can like. A lot of times that's what we do. We lean into our friends and our family for support, and people might give you that advice, exactly like you said, like from a place of Well, I know this works for me, but the best sort of questions are really people that help you turn into yourself and say, well, how do you know the best way to make decisions? Like you know, if you are someone that doesn't know what time they were born, you can't exactly look up your human design and get the exact answer to that at times, because I think, like time can really shift certain elements. I don't know what elements, so don't quote me, but there are certain things in your chart that can change depending on time, and so if you're not certain, and you're not sure and you can't get a clear answer from entering your information to find that out, you can still figure it out just by self reflection and trial and error. It's like, okay, let's look at some decisions I made and think back to how I felt, and now that I can take a look at what the possibilities of different types of inner authorities are and see which one does feel most suited. And where do I see the most consistency in aligned choices when I follow this method. So at least you can still tap into that without necessarily needing to know, and I think, like before I even knew what human design was, I was able to acknowledge this in myself, like it was something where human design like validated it for me. But it was noticing my own patterns of like dang, like I knew, like I remember when I first met this person or when I first was presented with the opportunity, like this is how I felt and like I should have trusted that and I spent all this time, yeah, doing the opposite.
And even so, I think there's like other elements of your chart that can sort of influence this too, because, for example, you have like a line profile and I'm a 3-5, and part of that is like doing things through trial and error, and so for me it was like, okay, sometimes opportunities do open up and I don't have like a strong no or a strong yes. I'm kind of like, oh, yeah, I could play around with that, and so like yeah, so then I'll do it because there's nothing, there's no alarm bell, there's no like, oh, this, you know, there's no clear, defined like possibility that this could be something that would hurt me, right, and that makes sense. Like I don't think I'm wording this the best, but it, you know, it feels neutral, it feels open, it feels possible, because not everything's like a really loud yes and a really loud no. It's like oh, okay, yeah, like I would like to play in this, why not? Like I don't feel strongly either way and I want to be open. Like something is telling me, like, why not?
It doesn't necessarily mean that it's always the right thing, but it starts me down a path that shows me like, oh, okay, maybe I don't know the exact answer, but it's showing me like, one step at a time, like, oh, I played around with this and that didn't work out, but it's opened me to this.
And like this didn't exactly work out, but it's opening me to this, and so it's.
It's also knowing that piece of it where you know worst case scenario, you try something and you realize that wasn't it. Like, that's okay, you can redirect and you can pivot and still reflect on what did come from this situation or what did come from me making a decision in this way, and I still learned a lesson in all of this. I was still able to take a piece of this and use it for the next situation, or to again just like uncover a step in my path, rather than feeling like like you're not going to see the whole path or how this thing is going to play out. And it doesn't necessarily mean that you can perfectly visualize the thing that's going to happen or the how, but you can't. Yeah, you'll never really know, but you can at least trust that here's one step that I can take in this direction to either finding clarity or and like, yeah, that finding clarity can be knowing what's not the right answer and learning a piece of that, or taking one step closer to getting to that answer that feels the most aligned.
You definitely don't need all of the stuff. There are people I know people in my life who are not at all interested in astrology or human designer or any of it and live very aligned lives because they know themselves and they are in touch with their intuition, and they don't even realize it, but they just naturally, inherently know when something is something that they should pursue or not, and they keep listening to themselves and they're inter-knowing and they live a very aligned life and never even know their son's mind and don't care at all. Like you don't need all this stuff. It is so validating, but it's not, it's not the answer, like. The answer is just, I mean, there is no answer. It's a process of just getting to know yourself for your whole life, and this is something that's hard for me is like I always want to know what the answer is. I always want to know, like, what the right choice is, the right decision, the right path. I don't really believe that there is one. I think that there's a few different paths I could go down that would all result with me feeling the way I desire to feel in my life, which is free, satisfied and joyful. That's how I want to feel and I don't think there's only one way of all the possibilities in the universe that I could live my life and feel that way. I think there's probably several and probably many that I don't even see as available options because I wouldn't like. Like if I dropped everything and moved half way across the world right now and took up some random job that would find me Like that might be one way that I find that in my life, but I'm not going to do that. So there's there's so many ways. This is why it's so important to let go of the expectation of doing things right and just tuning in and making the next like whatever presents itself next, deciding that going there without trying to jump ahead a whole year from now or 10 years from now, because the truth is where you are right now maybe not for everyone, but what you think you want in 10 years is probably going to change if you're really in tune with yourself and really following your intuition as you evolve as a person. I mean, we know that the world, right the way it is working right now, is certainly not how it's going to be functioning in 10 years. So I don't even think we can imagine the possibilities for our lives in 10 years from now. Things change so fast, so I think it's really important.
We are so programmed to plan our lives Since we're little kids at school. We're so programmed to know what classes we're going to take next year and what we're going to study in college in three years from now, and like where we want to live when we graduate from college in two years, and like what job we're going to have. Like we're so programmed to always be living in the future and it's so unacceptable to just be living in the present. Like it's not good enough, like what is like the most standard interview question when do you see yourself in five years? And like if you don't know exactly where you're meant to be in five years, it's like frowned upon.
But it's like does anyone ever live the life exactly the way they imagined five years ago? Probably not. Hopefully it's even better than that, like I really feel. If I imagine my life in five years, of course I'm going to imagine something amazing, but why limit myself to that? What if it can be even better? There are so many paths and opportunities and things we can do in a road we can go down that are all amazing. There is not just one, and that's just like this societal program, that there's just like one way for us all to do things, and it's not true.
Definitely. I think just eliminating right and wrong is really helpful Because I agree, like especially I think back to I recently read or finished reading conversations with God. It's like a three book series it's. It's a lot to sift through and a lot to mentally Like. I had to. Man, I think it took me almost a year to get through all of them because there's just so much information to process and really contemplate, which I love about it. But part of it was like it's formatted. Have you ever read it? No, so it's.
It's really nicely formatted where it's a conversation, essentially this man asking God questions and debunking a lot of myths, maybe that we fall into or societal things that we play into with, you know, for example, like the construct of religion and like how we make decisions and what God thinks were supposed to do and whatnot, and so basically, one of the big principles in there was, you know, the man wanted really clear answers. He's like well, god, what am I supposed to do? And he's like whatever you, whatever you choose, and he's like well, what do you mean? Like well, what if I choose this? And he's like okay, then that's, that's the answer. He's like well, but what if I choose this and he said, well, that's the answer. And he's like, well, how can both be the answer? And it's like, because it doesn't matter, like there is no right, there's no wrong, it's a choice, and you get to decide what you do next. And I think so often we want to do the right thing or we want to find the right answer, because a lot of us have this conditioning of like make mom and dad happy and mom and dad have decided to write and wrong answer, or whoever our caretakers were or whoever we were were, we're not getting acceptance from in our life, and so we're sort of conditioned to be that way.
And not that it's wrong, it's. It's like this is just normal, the human nature. This is just what we do. We raise our offspring and we teach them what we know and then eventually, when they're adults and they can formulate their own decisions and opinion, they're free to choose whatever they want. And so part of that is like okay, can I, can I start to detach from what I've learned to be right and what I've learned to be wrong and just see myself following a path that feels aligned, and I don't have to have a logical reason as to why I'm choosing this, or it doesn't have to be in the text of the Bible that this is correct practice and I must follow it. And just to allow yourself to validate your own action, because you have self trust, and so I can give that to myself, I don't need to seek it from other people, and I know that the decision I make is best for me.
Like I know, you know, I think right and wrong. It's it's relative, like I don't think there is an exact right and there's not an exact wrong. It's just relative to your concept of what feels like aligned and not so aligned. So I think you know that our way to put it, yeah, yeah, and I think in the spiritual space it's easiest for for us to think of, like, what feels most aligned and what's not. But I would say most, like most people, if they're not playing in the spiritual world the way we do, it's more like, like, like, oh, this feels right and this feels wrong and like that's okay.
Like words are words. And I think it always comes back to like languages such a big one, because I think sometimes language limits us in terms of how we can really perceive and function, because it's just man's way to communicate, but there are some experiences that you could like. You know the phrase like you just can't put that into words. I think that there's a lot to that, and you create your own meanings and emotions behind what language you choose. Like the same word can mean two different things to two different people, and it's no one's wrong, no one's right, but it's the definition and emotion that you connected to that, and so, yeah, I'm getting off on a tangent here, but I don't even remember what I started saying no.
I think that bringing up that concept of like two opposing truths can both be true at the same time is something that's so hard for humans to wrap their heads around. Because we want this black and white. Well, at least I definitely do. I desire this black and white, yes or no, good or bad, and that's in our world on Earth. All these multiple possibilities and truths, two truths that are the complete opposite can exist at the same time and both be true and they're the opposite. For example, if you're deciding between two jobs and they're totally different one of them is starting your own business and one of them is working a corporate job they can both be equally great choices for you and neither is right or wrong and you just get to choose. And that's why life is so cool, because it's usually not a matter of right and wrong. It's usually not a matter of, oh, I chose the wrong thing.
I truly believe that we never really choose the wrong thing. I think that the whole point of experiencing that feeling of like I did the wrong thing is to gain a lesson. Like you were supposed to choose the quote wrong thing, to gain the lesson from that experience. I really, really believe that everything is intentional and the reason that you made that choice in the first place was to experience whatever you got from it. Because I don't think it's possible. I mean, if you're completely unaware and refusing to gain the lessons, that's also a choice. But if you're living a life where you choose to gain the lessons from every single experience, you can never choose the wrong thing, because everything that you choose you'll always gain from whether it's wisdom or like personal growth or connections. You can always receive something from every single experience that's important toward your growth, toward your alignment, even if it feels bad or feels not what we deem as positive.
The other problem is that we call some emotions good and some emotions bad. The truth is that they're all really important. They're all equally important. Like what is happiness without sadness? What is achievement without loss? Like we wouldn't know. We need to have quote, negative experiences, negative feelings. We need to feel bad sometimes it's so important. Like what kind of person would we be if we never, ever, felt negative emotions? I mean, we'd be robots. You know, one is happy all the time. No one goes through life always making a choice that they feel was the right choice and never feels like they did something wrong.
The issue is that we think that the when we do the wrong thing, that it is wrong, but if we can reframe it by really like tuning into ourselves, opening up our awareness, opening up our intuition, to understand that the wrong choices that we made were actually really important experiences, and then we developed that, just like that understanding and forgiveness and connection to self and the world around us, to know, like man, you know, it's actually good that I made that mistake or went that direction, because it taught me this, and now I have this wisdom and this knowledge and this experience to help me go here, or to help me in this relationship, or to help me in this new venture that I'm on. We can gain something from everything, like even the wrong things. We're going to prevent ourselves from living an aligned life if we live out of fear of doing the wrong thing.
Yes, it's like I fear can definitely control you, and I think that just really understanding what you're like, what a no feels like versus what fear feels like Because I think that's an important thing to learn to differentiate internally, because I think you know fear serves its purpose it can stop you from getting killed, it can stop you from putting yourself in harm's way, and it's just really good to know like you can still experience fear but also know that that thing feels like a yes and that you recognize like okay, there are some emotions that maybe feel dark, feel heavy, and I know that that's inevitable in the process or in this path and I don't want to have to feel these. So maybe it means that I shouldn't do this thing because I'm going to have to experience these emotions. But the way I see it is like you can only experience the high of the thing that you're willing to experience the low of. So it's like you're living in like this range of emotions and so those for listening with podcasts I'm doing a little thing with my hands where there's like a smaller range of emotion, right, so if I'm only willing to feel like a 10 on the high scale, like if we have a scale like zero to 100, like if I'm willing to feel a 10 on this, on the positive side, or what I perceive as the positive side, then I'll experience like a 10 of this negative. But if I want to feel like a 100 happy, if I want to feel like carefree, I'm on top of the world, I'm so aligned, my heart is expanding, happy, but I'm not willing to feel. I'm so broken, this hurts and this all feels really heavy and I'm so, so sad.
I think it keeps us from allowing ourselves to hit those high highs and that's the mistake that I feel like we make is that it's normalized to avoid feelings. It's like, ok, well, I can drink to avoid this, I can smoke to avoid this, or I can have sex to avoid this, or I can watch Netflix to avoid this, and while maybe it feels good in the moment to do that thing because it's distracting you from something else that hurts or that we perceive as negative, what it's really doing is it's limiting our range of the human experience and so you don't get to feel, you don't get, you don't see the opposite because, like, life is duality. So if I'm stopping myself from one part of the duality and I can't accept that part of this is feeling this way, then I'm also denying myself of feeling the exact opposite of that, and it's very subconscious. It's not like you're not consciously thinking this, but once you wake up to it you're like, wow, now I get it, now I see this. How I can hold both truths at the same time.
So about fear, I think one of the greatest things we can do is actually to become friends, or at least acquaintances, with our fear, because fear is there for a reason. Fear is not just this like ultimate bad thing that we despise and want nothing to do it, because, guess what, it's never going away. You will have fear until the day you die. So we need to befriend it and understand it and speak to it and work alongside it, because it will always be there. So, instead of letting fear make your decisions, when you feel fear, say to it okay, I see you, why are you here? And identify what are you afraid of and are those legitimate possibilities? And, if so, if those things happen, like then, what are you going to do? Kind of just like in meditation. I love to just work with this. All right, why is this fear here? What am I afraid of? All right, is it actually about this or is it something a little deeper that I need to continue working on? And am I going to choose to like? Do I consciously want to decide from this fear or do I want to just like acknowledge it and let it be present and still go on anyway, like we can make? I think that when we develop the awareness, it's easier to make aligned choices that actually like lean into the fear, but when we're not aware, it's easy to let fear decide. So there's that important like gaining that awareness, gaining that understanding of yourself and your emotions.
Also, emotions are so powerful Emotions. There's the same like energy in motion. They are energy and, like you said, that, like the negative emotions feel like heavier, and that's true, they're lower frequencies. We know that frequencies are a real thing, they're science, right, it has been measured a very, you can't dispute it. So there's higher. You know more what we say positive emotions are higher frequencies and more negative emotions are lower frequencies. So for those of us who are more attuned to like feeling, we might physically feel these emotions more clearly.
So the way you said, that, like you probably feel, or you're aware of your feeling, experiencing those negative emotions as very heavy, because they are, they're dense, they're lower, they bring us down and our natural state as human beings is to be at the top, the highest vibration of love and light. That is the way we came into the world and that is our natural state. It's other things around us that actually drag us down. So all we have to do is release them and we float right back up. I feel like we often think of it the opposite way and we think that we're like just naturally low and we need other things to lift us up. But that's not what it is. Things are dragging us down and we need to. It's like if we are, I don't know a balloon or like a beach ball, and there's a bunch of weights attached to us, dragging us down to the bottom of the pool, and once we release those weights, we just float right back up at the top, because that's where we're supposed to be.
How do we release those emotions? You have to feel them, you have to experience them. If you never feel them well, energy can't be created or destroyed. So where is it going? It's just staying where it is. It's staying in your body, and I need a whole other tangent we can go off of is how that manifests in disease in the body and like physical symptoms. And I mean, that's my thing, that's what I love to do and work with, but it does, because it gets stuck in the body.
This emotion, this energy is in the body. If you don't release it, it's going to stay there forever and it's not supposed to be there. It's a lower frequency, it's bringing you down and then it's attracting more low frequencies, more negativity, into your life, like that's just the truth. That's the fact. When we use these tools that are free and available to all of us to use our breath, to use movement, to use sound, to use meditation, visualization, any of these completely free modalities to release the emotions, feel them. You might need to scream, cry, laugh, dance, make weird sounds, move your body in weird ways, breathe really intensely for a few minutes, like whatever it is to you, it doesn't matter, you'll release those emotions. Then they're gone, they're free. They can be transmuted into positive emotions. They'll literally take the deepest sorrow, grief, pain and completely transmute it into the highest vibration of love.
I've experienced this. I have gone into the depths of the darkness of my trauma, this pain from my teenage years, ten years later, that I suppressed because it was too hard for my little brain and body at the time. Then I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do with these big feelings, these things I experienced because I just didn't have the information. And now I do so. Ten years later, this version of me still had that inside of me and it was affecting me in physical ways.
Once I learned these modalities, I went back into the feeling and I cried and I screamed and I breathed and I let them go and then I felt. Often after I do this work, I feel just this overwhelming sense of love and peace and, even though there's still hard times in my life, I still experience negative emotions almost every single day. Because I'm a human being and not everything is perfect and it never will be. I'll probably experience some negative emotion every single day of my life. And does that mean my life is bad? Absolutely not. It just means that I'm allowing myself to feel my emotions and when I do the work, I can just tap right back into my highest self, my real self, my soul self, which is so grateful and happy to be alive and just loving this wild roller coaster ride that I signed up for.
Yes, I love every word that you said and it's so, so true, and I know that people listening will really value all that you've shared, because I feel like you had so many freaking good nuggets today, thank you. And yeah, I feel like I never realized how fast an hour goes by and when I'm recording a podcast with an awesome guest, it like freaking flies and it's like whoa. So I feel like we just keep talking forever and ever. So obviously we'll have to do this again.
There are like so many more questions I wanted to ask and more that I think people could really gain from hearing you say and speak on, because I think a lot of people are curious and are finally opening to maybe some things that were perceived as like woo, woo, so finally kind of seeing like, oh okay, there's science behind this, they're in practice.
This can be something really powerful and amazing. And I don't know, I think spirituality is one step ahead of science and my personal belief, the way I think, like science is really just proving what's already there, but spirituality is like what's is what's already there that we're studying and trying to measure. But anyway, again a conversation for another day. But yeah, I mean, I'm really excited for people to hear this and hear what they take away from this and what thoughts have really gotten going from just allowing themselves to contemplate some of this or reflect on, like, what does this mean to me? Or how have I been exploring myself and the meaning of things and how I'm dealing with my emotions and what that could actually look like.
I just want people to feel free and safe to like explore, to do things completely differently, to try something that they might have thought was weird or that maybe they don't think is weird, but, like the people around them think is a little weird.
To feel free to just try and just be open and just explore it, like if you don't like it, then you don't do it again, but just be open to just exploring, because that's the only way that we can evolve and learn, and there's no such thing as weird.
Often, when you do those things that the people around you think are weird, when they observe you, they then know that it's free and safe for them to do the things that they want to do, that they're afraid other people think are weird. It's really this ripple effect and I've seen it in my own life Like the more I just embrace who I am and do these weird, crazy things, the more people around me open up and they're like I actually thought that too, or I actually want to do that too, or like they try what I'm, what my methods, like my breath, work, my meditation, that they've never done before, and they unlock this power within them, get all these spiritual downloads, all these experiences that they would have never had if they weren't just open, like just be open. There's no. There's no going wrong. There's no going wrong here.
Yeah, I embrace it when people are like dude, you're weird. I'm like I freaking. Now, man, tell me something I don't like, like the weirds, relative term like okay, yeah, I think it's weird that you don't do these things, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Exactly.
So it's like no, I mean I don't really have any judgment what you choose and what you don't choose. I mean it's normal to have resistance towards things that are different. But what I noticed was, yeah, like as time goes on, things that I used to think were weird, Now I'm kind of like oh yeah, I do that now and so I'm just yeah, never in a million freaking years would I have thought I'd be doing this.
Yeah, yeah, never, never, ever, ever did I think I'd be into breath work, talking about benefits of meditation, doing yoga instead of going to the gym, using a pendulum to connect with my spirit guides. Are you kidding? Like no way, even just two years ago. Like, allow yourself to change. You will like surprise yourself and you will just unlock these things without in yourself to send you down that aligned path that we all desire. No matter where we're at, we all want the same thing, which is to feel loved and happy and free. Right, we all want to feel abundant and happy, and the only way you're going to be able to access that is if you're open to all the possible ways that that can come through, because it really might be the last thing you expected, but if you're not open to it, you can't receive it. Like it cracks me up how different I am, honestly, like every five years. Yeah.
Yeah, it's fine it is, and, like I think things are happening so much more rapidly now, too, where you could change more frequently, because information is so readily available, and I think, as we evolve as a species, like we're just going to be a lot more aware of things. It's just, it all just happened so much quicker, but I'm excited to see where you go, girl.
Yeah, yeah, both of us, thank you.
Awesome. So if people love this conversation, how can they connect further with you?
You can find me on Instagram at primalhaley, it's probably the best way. I'm on TikTok a little bit, but not really, but then it's just the same primal Haley, and you can see like in my link. In my bio I have the link to my online breath work and meditation membership, or to work with me one-on-one and my new group program which is launching well, probably by the time this is out, but a week from now Mind and Body Detox, which is about exactly what it sounds detoxifying the physical body along with the emotional body so that you can access your intuition more. So a couple options there. But yeah, instagram is usually the best way.
Ooh, love that, and I feel you. I tried to be a TikTok, really, but I don't know Instagram, I just prefer millennials down yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, so we grew up with, I guess.
Yeah, for real. Well, thank you so much for being here. I loved this conversation and I'm excited for it to be out there and, of course, anyone listening definitely feel more than happy to or we feel more than happy to, receive messages. So if you want to send a message, tell us your thoughts or if you have questions, we're always open to a nice conversation.
Yeah, so so fun. Thank you so much, thanks so much.
Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. If you're enjoying listening to this podcast, I have a special gift for you. If you leave a review and send me a screenshot, I will send you something personally in the mail just to show you how much I appreciate your help in helping me spread the empowerment across the world and showing other women the magic that they have within themselves, just the same way you do. Babe, if you're enjoying this episode, then I would love it if you took a screenshot and posted it on your story on Instagram and tagged me at fuel the underscore fire. Let's have a conversation about it. Let's chat about it. I love to hear your thoughts and your feedback. I'm here to support you in any way that I can. I love you guys so much and I'm excited to keep coming at you with some new guests, new information and new techniques to keep blowing your mind and making you feel invincible. Thanks for listening. I love you. Bye.