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Owning Your Truth with Celeste Bonin & Grant Dziak (Part 2)

Updated: Nov 20, 2023

Episode 12 of the Fuel the Fire Podcast hosted by Shanon Safi, RD, LDN.

In this two part episode Shanon is joined by special guests Celeste Bonin and Grant Dziak as they discuss their journey of self discovery and owning their true selves. In this 2nd part we dive into the importance of setting aside our BS and truly showing up for ourselves and how.

In this episode we talk about: Grant steams ahead in business but not without its complications (01:25) Grant answers to his calling despite fear and the unknown (12:58) The importance of self-acceptance, the power Grant and Celeste focus on in their coaching (19:55) Short guided relaxation (27:05) The causes and consequences of keeping our tension & habits (27:30) Why we need to release ourselves from our stories to progress (34:40)

Huge thank you to Celeste and Grant for sharing their stories and their message.

Episode Transcript:

   Every ounce of pain you've ever felt, any joy, any fear, any anger, any anxiety, depression, listening to this episode to hear this message that says like, you are here now and maybe you haven't made it to have all the things you want, but because you've made it to this point, you can create all the things you want and you're allowed to.

Hello. Hello. Welcome back to your fuel fire soul podcast on today's episode. This is going to be part two of the conversation we started a

They're so inspiring. I'm really excited to get into the second half of this episode with them because again, there's just so many golden nuggets and there is so much power in sharing your story. I think a lot of times we don't realize how powerful sharing our story can be, and then we keep that stuff bottled up.

But when you finally let your story out, you personally liberate yourself, and by doing so, you liberate other people. So that's the beauty of opening up and expanding your heart in such a way and feeling comfortable sharing things with people. So I definitely encourage you guys to do that, and I think a good start to that fuel will be listening to part two of this episode.

So you get a few golden nuggets yourself to take in and hopefully get something from and continue to liberate yourself and step into your power. So yeah, see what Grant and Celeste have to say more on about that.

And so I quit football with one year of eligibility left. I was just like, I mean, we had a straight up conversation as the coaches and me, and it was like, dude, you're good enough to play. You could play. You're just not going to like, we have a whole roster of all these fresh young linebackers that we're investing all this money into.

So. So I, I for what that I couldn't even afford to anymore. So I, I took that semester off for a quarter off school and went all in on the bar industry. And it was so cool because when you do that, when you work in any service industry, it's like your personality is what garners, how much money you're going to be making.

So it forced me while I was going through like the death of a friend, a horrible breakup, it forced me on a regular basis to become like this character to like, and it let me help start forgetting about it. And I was like, and I was trying to be aware. I was like, I don't think that's what I should be. I'm like, am I just like doing this?

And it's coping with that all the way back then. I was like 22, 23 that I started being like, I wanted to be aware of how I was coping with things, what I was doing. I'm like, is this, didn't I create a bad habit with me? I mean, little did I know how much I was going to end up going into the bar industry. I never went back to school.

I tried going back one time to finish my classes a couple of years later. And I was just like, this is school's not for me. And I ended up running bars and restaurants for about eight or nine years. Implementing all the, like the skills, the ideas, the things that my mom had instilled in me that I'd realized, like they weren't skills or things that I was like, these are pillars in business.

I was just like, this is just my personality and it was to take care of people. And I started realizing in business, like to be a leader in business, like. Ultimate sign of a leader is the ability to protect those who you're not in charge of, but are like in your charge, the ones that are helping produce everything.

It became this awesome thing. So for like eight years, I essentially got to test out all of my theories, my ideas, things I wanted to try and do. And in that process, I. I got to be pretty big. Like I got up to about 300 pounds. I was drinking all the time. I was working six nights a week. We were, we would do shots with our guests when we were there.

And I mean, it was a high volume, but high quality. So you're talking, of course, we're going to drink with them. It's going to up your bill. You're going to tip us more. It's camaraderie. It's fun. Takes the edge off. It makes you enjoy yourself while you're working until you realize you're drinking a bottle of crown a night and doing a Coke chaser with each one.

You're drinking a two liter pop. Training like a total bro. My body started hurting so bad. I couldn't see my toes when I looked down because my belly was so big and I was in complete fucking denial. I was like, I'm an athlete. I'm in shape. I probably have like 15 pounds I could lose. Made a bet with like one of our, one of our staff and I had a four month window to do this and I ended up dropping like 75 pounds in four months.

Now I don't recommend that to anybody. I quit, I quit drinking on the spot. Dude, when you quit drinking, it's unreal what it does for you. Yeah. It changes everything. Because you recover better. You sleep better. You have so much more quality of everything. Your hormones function so much better. It's not just the calories from alcohol that mess with you.

That changed my diet, everything. It was insane. And through that process, a lot of people were like, I'd always, I've always been into working out to get to Ohio state. I had a buddy back home that trained me. We had to kind of get a rig, a lot of stuff. We didn't have equipment. Like they weren't exactly going out dropping like money on weight rooms for a team that went five and 35 and four years.

Like nobody cared about that. So we made things work and I love it. I love the idea of training and the way to manipulate the body and like get it to do. So I, I found this big love with that. And after I lost all my weight so many people asking me for help that I kind of started just like, I talked to my buddies that own a gym and I was like, I want to do something in fitness and they were like, why don't you be a trainer?

And I was just like, yeah, yeah, great idea. And they're like, it's going to be slow. It's going to be hard to start and everything. And I was on a Thursday, they're like, you're going to have to get a bunch of testimonials or pop to give away, give away a whole bunch of free sessions. And you know, trying to give me an idea.

And then I went, I bartended all weekend and by Monday morning, I had like 68 clients and I was just one at a time hour on the hour. I was going from 4 a. m. till like 9 p. m. every night and I was like, this is so great. I'm successful. And I was like, after like 3 months of that, you're like, I'm miserable. I end up doing a bodybuilding show that summer and I realized I could condense everyone down, start running classes.

And pretty quickly, I started realizing that like the cool thing about fitness, fitness wasn't telling people like sets and reps is that fitness puts everyone on even playing field. It doesn't matter how rich you are, how funny you are, how nice you are, like what favor you're going to do for somebody.

You have to do the work to get out of it, whatever you want. It puts you in the most vulnerable position. I don't care who you are, how good you look, how overweight you are. Every single person on this planet struggles with body image issues all the time. And I've known some of the people that are considered to have the best physiques in the entire world.

And I've stood on Olympia stages and in those moments that they say they actually are the most insecure about themselves because they put all the value into their body. That's the thing they're getting judged on. That's what they have to offer the world. And if that's not accepted, they're not accepted.

So the reality is, whatever we put our value in is what we're expecting the world to see the value in us. So we're so much more aware of it. We're so much more afraid that it's going to be rejected. And in that moment I started realizing it's like, you know, I'm training CEOs and stuff that are in the middle of a six minute plank breaking down about.

And they're crying and they get up and they're not even pissed about doing a six minute plank. They're talking about how they cheated on their wives or their husbands or their relationship. Their kids are horrible or how disappointed they are in themselves and their bodies and the relationships they have with their families and all this shit.

And I was like, Oh my God, this is what I love. Like, this is amazing. Kept doing that for a couple more years and then had a prequel offer. With a guy that was a good friend of mine at the time who was launching this big fitness platform. It was like 2017. I was making so much money at this point, which growing up we didn't have money.

I never need anything like my mom always took care of me, but like there was no money and I never wanted to live like that, like being that stressed. So I was making all this money and I thought it would solve all my problems and dude, there is nothing more depressing than when you think money's going to solve all your problems, you acquire an abundance of it and you still have all your problems.

It doesn't solve anything. It's a stress reliever. That's all it is. It gives you a way to pay your bills at the end of the month. Buy food. That's about it. It doesn't buy happiness. I mean, it does by the way you're fronting. It's hard to frown on a wayrunner. I'm like, thanks Daniel Tosh. But it really isn't.

And until you have it, until you have whatever the thing is you want, whether it's the body, the relationship, the money, it doesn't matter until you have that. And you realize you still have your problems. You'll never fucking believe it. It's like, no, I have this and I have this much of it. Everything's going to be great.

It's like, no, it's like more money, more problems, literally. And it's actually way worse problems because it's also depression on top of it. When you realize this is not going to be your answer to anything. So I went to this huge, I walked away from everything with this offer, with this huge business endeavor.

Disperse all my clients. I was like, this will be the thing. With this platform, we had like 5, 000 members. It was going to be this monthly membership thing. And I ended up like taking all my visions and like essentially like helping create this entire thing. And about seven months into it, I was like, I can't build, I don't want to build somebody else's empire.

I'm going to build my own. Like, I don't agree with the way you're doing things and all these, these aspects, and I'm like, I don't want somebody else's say to be responsible for my reputation and like my brand. So I parted ways with him and much to the chagrin of my, my mother, who taught me so much about business that continuously told me to get a contract signed.

At that point, I was six, seven months in of not making any income waiting until we were going to like have, like get these payouts and create our contracts and everything with them brought in a shit ton of money. Yeah, I ended up being the most broke I ever was because as a grownup, because this guy completely screwed me over.

He was going through a midlife crisis and identity crisis of the zone. He used to be in the NFL, had some issues with things, some family stuff. And. Essentially out of everything, tried getting me to sign this ridiculous NDA and offered like 20, 000 for that after building all of the whole thing, we're talking like hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars of stuff coming in.

And in that moment, like, when I saw this, everything happened kind of at once, like my stomach sank and I called my mom and I told her and I was like. I'm not signing this. I'm like, would you be able to help me for right now? I was like, I've already drained my savings account. Cause I've gotten, you know, months and months and months now with no income.

And I'm paying all these bills and I'm paying the things that I still had that ideal lifestyle. And she looked at me, she's like, don't you ever fucking sign that? She's like, that's bullshit. She's like, I'll help you with whatever. And like at 31 years old, my 61 year old mother was helping me pay rent. Helping me get my truck out of the impound lot for getting repoed when just months before I felt like I was the provider, like helping everybody with everything.

And I could not fucking get my feet under me to save my life. Like that, that stacked up so incredibly fast. It was like during this time that. I was, I mean, like I was selling my TV, fucking shoes, anything. And I was like, what is my problem? Like, why can't I get my, I was, I was paralyzed. I was depressed. I was paralyzed.

I felt like I literally like I felt so foolish. Like I trusted this human, this person that I thought was like a brother to me, totally ignored all my family that had raised me, that even got me to that point, ignored all their advice. Like get a contract, do these things. And I was now in a position where I was being an inconvenience to them because I didn't take their advice.

And it was rough, but it was the most beautiful thing ever because I was making so much money before, most money I'd ever made, and I felt like completely broke inside. And now I was the most poor I'd ever been, and it became the richest I ever felt. And... It was so cool because during that time I started doing these things that like I'll call it like a morning rant.

So I was on social media and I was like, what else do I have? Like, I don't have anything else to offer anymore. And I had so much shame. I'm like, fuck man, like just use your voice, just talk. So I started like talking, but I made myself the subject. I wasn't talking shit about people. Talking about my shortcomings.

I was like, so every day I would just talk about one thing that I had experienced the principle behind it. And I was like, this is essentially how I got through it. I'm like trying to get through it right now. And immediately just huge response from people being like fuck, like that makes so much sense.

Like I'm going through that. I would do it again the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day. And I just kept doing it. And it was all these things. The more I shared, the more liberated I was. I was owning everything. It was a beautiful combination back and forth because like, I don't know if I would have had the confidence to do it if I wasn't getting the response from people that I was and all these people every day were just like, man, like you start getting messages from people that are like this saved my life and it's like, dude, who am I to not like share my experiences because I have shame around him or I'm embarrassed about things that I fucked up at points in my life.

If there's someone out there that's like struggling with it so bad that they want to like end their life, they see no fucking hope. Like if I can give formulation to that, like, I don't care about money. I don't care what it is. And after like a few months of doing that, like people were literally reaching out.

They're like, what do you offer? Like, what do you do? I'm like, I don't know, like whatever, like, nothing. They're like, can we work with you? Can, can you do this? Like, do you offer anything? Like, I feel like I should give you money. I was like, I was like do you need to talk or something? Like I was just doing calls with people and out of nowhere, I picked up my phone.

That at this point, it was like nine months later, it felt like such a fucking failure. Like I couldn't just get something together before that. I had so many great ideas, but again, like we were saying earlier, like you cannot create when you're in a place of like protection, like your brain is crazy. Your brain does not, wasn't built in 2022.

It was built 200, 000 years ago when we evolved and our species evolved. Like the chemicals that fire, everything is built to keep you alive. And whatever you perceive as a threat, like it amplifies it. So I perceived the situation I went through financially as a threat that experience with that guy that was a friend of mine as a threat.

And I hyper focus on it. Like I thought that's just how things were. Like I was paralyzed by it and I let it paralyze me. And it wasn't, it wasn't until I started like sharing these things all the time and owning all these things that I realized it wasn't actually, it had nothing to do with. The things that I had done earlier on in life, it was just the shame that I carried with it.

That was paralyzing me. It wasn't the actual situation because nothing's good or bad. Nothing is inherently good or bad. It's whatever your perception of it is. And I was perceiving it as this bad thing, which means my brain was receiving that as a threat. And as soon as I changed that and I rewired that, it just let loose.

I picked my phone up one day and, and I still did this out of fear. I coached for a long time. I coached a bunch of different ways and I was like, I don't want to just tell people sets and reps anymore. So I got on my stories and I was like, I'm going to take on nine individuals for this hyper intensive 12 week program, working with you at the true core of who you are.

And I was like, it'll be private. Like nobody has to know you're doing this because I know everyone's embarrassed about that. That was my way of being like, I don't have to share anything on social media when nobody wants to sign up for this. And I really didn't think I was going to get even nine people to apply.

And shitting that within three days, I had like 600 applications and I was like, what it was, it was insane. And it was. It's been, it's so funny to like know the way of like what we've built now. But the way I was doing things back then, I literally like typed up a word document and I literally was individually emailing every single, every single person, I was just emailing them for days and days and days.

And it would happen on calls. And I think out of that, I got maybe 300 actually sent the application back or the. Full application back. And I interviewed every single one of them and I ended up taking on truly taking on nine and it was one of the most impactful things I ever did. And then it's what like started the whole idea of this.

And I didn't realize that at the time of what was coming into me, I started realizing that like I could see people and what they were saying without them saying it, like the stories they would tell, which is all of our bullshit stories, the, what we're willing to share with the world. But I got to know him on such a personal deep level, like we would do weekly video.

Everything was video. Like I was so fucked up at this point that I was so unprepared that the day before, the night before I was like, I'm not even going to do this. What are we going to do? I was like, I just need to talk to him. It's like, we're going to do daily videos. So every morning I would shoot a video kind of like I would do for my rant and I would send it to them and they would have to send me a reply based on the principle of it.

Like, how does that apply to you? What do you think of? And they would send me a reply back. So every day I'd get nine videos back, and I'd wanna reply or give feedback, and then I'd get nine more videos back. It was a lot of data back and forth, and all of a sudden I started realizing, like I was piecing together the things that they were saying in these videos because these things acted as abstract.

And then we'd have tangible face-to-face video conversations. And I was like, wait, you said this, this, and this, and this video that doesn't align with this. Something's off here. And I started like calling people out on it, but it wasn't calling him out. It was like reflecting it to him, just showing it to him.

And I made a couple of really ballsy, like calls on things with people, like very things that could very deeply offend people. And it ended up being the most moving things of their lives. And I was like, Oh my God. I was like, maybe I can do this. And so I started doing it more and more and it took a long time to even phase out the fitness portion of it.

But the biggest catalyst in my life for all of it to where I'm now is when I met you, like I had. I could do these things, but I didn't know how to tell people like, this is what I can do for you at all. I thought, so I thought I had to keep using fitness. Everything's fitness, fitness, everyone's the body.

So I use fitness as like my Trojan horse to get into people's lives, to like work on the deeper things that were preventing them from having the body or helping with the things that they thought having the body would like fix. And it literally wasn't until two years ago when we were sitting out on a pier in Galveston, Texas, and she looked at me and she's like, I get what you do.

She's like, you see people and you reflect it to them. Like you show people who they really are. You do it without bias and you do it without judgment. And I was like, yeah, that is what I do. And I was like, I literally never thought about it like that before. And we spent a long time trying to figure it out.

Yeah. Like trying to give it a title or say, how do we show people what this is? Cause like, it was working for me. Like it was. You know, like I was slowly able to see myself and then choose myself. But like, the biggest thing was, is like, that's what the thing is. We were going through so much in our relationship at this point that I think the pain from our relationship and the contrast of what she was saying to me, it's like, what pierced me?

Cause I was like, Oh my God, if she's saying this, this has to be so true. And in that moment I realized I was like, the things I'm saying to her are getting through to her, but it wasn't me. I never felt like it was me. I was like, I'm just like showing you the thing that you're, you're giving me, which I understood.

I was, I had no way to articulate it in that moment. It's like, it formulated so incredibly much for me. And from there, like started taking on clients and it was so weird. Like I didn't advertise anything. It was like that clicked and something in me changed. And I think three days later or a week later or something like.

One of my buddies reached out and he's like, Hey man, I have this client, this nutrition client that I, I really think could benefit from working with you. But his, but like his friends, like they're also coaches don't really know what he does and now they don't really know, like they don't know what we do because they haven't experienced it.

Some, some, some of them have, and the ones who have are like, wow, this is insane. You know, one of them is, is actually now doing something somewhat similar, Brad, you know, like his coaching style. And it's so cool to see, because the thing is, is like, we are all born like with the answers. We know everything we have.

We have all of our tools. We have all of our skills. We're literally born with everything that we need for life. And the problem is, is that we like chip away at everything that we are over the years. Like, don't be this, don't say this, don't act like this, don't look that way, don't dress like that. What is this going to say about you?

Don't own, don't say this about you. Everyone's going to make fun of you. And like, all we've ever tried to do is we spent 18 years, the first 18 years of Elias. Trying to blend in, fit in, not get made fun of, not get picked on, only to spend the rest of our lives trying to like stand out and be original and get like in touch with who we like, we all feel like we can be there.

And we're like, I think I know what it is, but that's our problem. So we think our way through everything instead of feeling in like your heart is a neuro center in it. And it sends. 30 percent more messages to your brain than your brain sends to your heart. And nobody would ever think of that. Like we all get anxiety.

We're like, Oh, my brain. It's like your body experiences anxiety and then your brain perceives what's happening. And I don't think if it weren't for the way I was raised, because that's a very feminine energy, it's sitting, it's feeling, it's being. If I wasn't raised the way I was, if it wasn't for that feminine influence in my life, like I don't think for a second, I would have been able to like, receive that.

But it's what brought it to this. And then we decided when she decided she wanted to kind of start stepping away from what she was doing and she's like this, and we talked about it back and forth and with, and it kind of went back and forth over the course of a few months of how involved, like how we would work together, what it would be.

And then it hit a point where it was just like, this is like, just so normal. This is right. This works. And I don't want to say I never could have imagined. I just, I wouldn't have been able to perceive what it would have become. Yeah, because through all of the things that were required to even get to a place to do this, like you, it requires so much work to be able to clear your stuff, to, to.

Purify yourself enough from all of the pain and shame and like shit that like clouds your vision clouds You don't have clarity on what you want or who you are or what your path is Like when you to do this work to help people See themselves so that they can live their life for themselves requires you to live your life for yourself and for us like living our life For us is doing the work that we do.

So it just, it folds into itself. It's like the more that we do what we do and like lead, you know, with our hearts and continue to like, do the things that open us up more to see more things through love, more things through compassion and grace and see, see things. See beyond like the, the hate and the fear and the shame that so many of us just carry around and like, don't know what to do with and don't know where to put it.

So they projected on others, like his ability to like, do so much within yourself to understand that with compassion and like, and to, to be able to see, like, to see someone through it, which is like, you know. He saw me through mine and like, with the people that we work with, it's, it's so, and I'm sure that you can attest to this too, dude.

Like you end up with people that are seeking what you are trying to give, what you are trying to serve with. And so you just end up with it. And so like, you know, anybody we work with, it's like the shit just resonates with them and it's because they're ready. There's a part of them that has like answered the calling to truly start to To know who they are and like, know their, their truth and their path.

And like, they can recognize that in us, that part of them that has decided that, that they're ready for that path. They see that part of, they see it in us. And then I feel like we turn people into being by like. Like schizophrenic bipolar, like, they literally like argue with themselves. I want this so much.

And it's like, dude, you don't sit down and shut up. Yeah. It's the inner conflict. It's like the fear. It's like the visceral fear of like your nervous system just being like, so afraid of everything, like, because of what you've always experienced. And like, you're shown, like, so many things are unsafe to do and be, and to be yourself and show the world who you are.

I'm like, I don't know if this is a good marketing pitch, but it's like the reason, like, you really do become sort of like two personalities. Your brain is hardwired for comfort and we spend the majority of our life in our brain trying to keep ourselves safe from everything around us. Like I started out that way trying to get myself safe from my dad.

You think, what can I be safe, but your soul, your essence, everything that you are, you're feeling, you're being your body. Yeah. That's hardwired for growth. So you literally always do have this internal conflict of, I want to risk it. I want to go. I want to feel, I want to experience. And then your brain saying like, no, like, and then finding all the evidence around you, all the reasons why you shouldn't take that risk.

Here's all the things because your brain does not care. Your brain does not care about you 10 X in your business, finding the love of your life or like your six pack apps, like your brain cares about you staying alive. And that is. It, everything you do, taking chances, like, trying to evolve into new territory, well, that's a threat.

It's scary. We all have fear of failure. We all have fear of imposter syndrome. We all have fear of not making it, not being enough for it. Well, that by default makes that a threat. Your brain will do nothing but tell you every day all the reasons why you should not go for that thing or try it for that thing.

That's just the ability to actually get into your body and feel and understand and start drowning out that voice and start expanding the voice of growth, the voice of your soul, like what you want to be by understanding what you feel, not think, but what you feel. Wow, that was just so beautiful. Like I loved every word that came out of both of your mouths.

Wow. Thank you. Thank you for the platform. I know we talked beyond our soft time, but that's what you get.

No, I think that's so good because it's just like, I always talk about like once you're in flow and you're just like. Speaking, everything just comes so natural, and I feel like your message is so much more clear and authentic, and like, not having to worry about time or whatever, like, I love the idea of just not caring what time it is, or what my phone's saying, or like, what I'm supposed to do, and you're just, hey, I'm here, I'm in this moment.

And it feels really good the way I'm expressing myself and the way everyone around me is expressing themselves. And I just feel like that energy is something that's so hard to explain if you don't give yourself the time to feel it. So, yeah. Dude, that's so big what you just said. You just said all a flow, feeling good, all these things, but like.

What you feel and in this moment, like that's the whole thing. It's like the present moment is everything. Like we all, the majority of us spend all of our life feeling our shame from the past. And that shame from the past creates our anxiety about what the future is going to hold. Just everyone listening right now.

Relax your body, relax your jaw, relax your shoulders, your belly. And the best one, wait, let your belly go. Let your belly relax. All right. I'm glad we did the belly first because otherwise, so for this next one, as much as it's going to make you laugh, relax your asshole and experience it for a second. And as much as you want to laugh at it, actually try it and feel the difference it feels in your body.

And you, you feel like this tension kind of go away and all of a sudden you realize no matter how much I want to laugh at that. I walk around all day long every single day with this tension in my body with my traps, my shoulder shrugged up, like kind of protecting myself and you don't have to, you do it.

You're doing that based on experiences from your past. Those experiences are in your past. They can't hurt you now, but they've given you the knowledge to recognize a red flag of them coming. And of course there's PTSD, but that's, that's just it. Those things are in your past failure, setbacks, traumas, pain, hurt, all that stuff.

Like the things that we sit here and we've, we, we focus on so heavily now are in your past and we don't know how to give ourselves the permission to let that be in the past. And to bring ourselves to the present moment, because in the present moment, you're safe. And it feels like you don't know how though.

You're like, I want to feel safe. Like, I want to let these things go. And it's like, it's just such an understanding that like, even though you want it so bad, it requires you to make that decision every moment that you want it. It's like, I want to, I want to communicate to my body, like in whatever ways that I learn how, whatever ways that work for me, that I am safe.

Well, think of that. We spent our whole life thinking we're being attacked. Yeah. And then, yeah, the second you realize you're not. But you can't create anything when you're feeling attacked. So you literally cannot create, you feel your whole life. Like you can't create the life that you want, the job that you want, the relationship you want, the experiences you want, since you can't create that as your identity, the identity you want.

We make our struggle, our fucking identity, and then we don't want to let it go. Like if I cure my trauma, if I solve it, if I am happy, if I become all these things I want to be, who will I be? What am I going to do? Be the happy asshole that everyone's mad at because they're happy? No, I'm this. I'm the rape victim.

I'm the person who got fucked over in business. I'm the person who got cheated on. I'm the person who got molested. I'm the person who had all these things. I'm not taking any of that shit away for one second or how how much that can affect us. I'm just saying like that does not make you who you are.

It 100 percent contributes to the person that you can allow yourself to become and help others not ever have to experience that pain. Or process it in the way and use it like every ounce of pain you have ever felt. Any of us have ever felt any ounce of pain, any joy, any excitement, any fear, any anger, any resentment, any hurt, anxiety, depression, deep, dark thoughts, wanting to take your life, not be here.

Every single thing you've experienced the sequence of it. Listening to this podcast right now, listening to this episode right here in this moment to hear this message that says like, you are here now, like it got you to this moment and like, cause you're here, like you've made it and maybe you haven't made it to have all the things you want, but because you've made it to this point, you can create all those things you want and you're allowed to, yeah.

All of those. It's so beautiful. Like it's so you can feel like it's like, Oh, like I do want that. So many of us like make that conscious decision. Like I want to be free of these things. Like I want to. Like walk with my chest open and out and like with my heart leading with my heart and, and, and not be afraid of these things.

But it's like then in moments where you feel like you literally don't have power because like your body is so reactive to something that you're so trained to respond to the stimulus, like unwanted attention and in a second or like a bad thought about like your past, the shame you have in your body.

And it like, it comes up and you're like, Oh my, I don't want this, but it's the part of you. It's your subconscious. It's a, it's a part of your, and it's. Your nervous system, the things that are trained to keep you where you're at. And like, that's where some, that's where so much of the work is. It's like the decision is like, it's such a beautiful decision to like choose your truth because a lot of, a lot of.

Disruption in your life comes from that because that's when you like to commit to living in your truth, like it's hard conversations. It's looking at yourself. It's facing yourself. It's, it's letting go things that don't serve you, even though like it's painful and it's familiar, but like, I know at least for me, for us, like so much of we're so dedicated, we're so devoted to that path, but like, yeah.

Even like every day we get thrown off by something in our body. That's like, Nope, like, this is dangerous. You should fear this. And it's like some thing within our that has been created over the past couple of years. And so, like. That part to me is like so hard to process, but like, I, I feel like why is it hard to process?

It's hard to process because like, it feels like when it kicks in, you're like, and this is, this is the thought process, but it's like, I've, I've, I'm choosing the, I'm choosing the other thing now I'm choosing it and like, I want it so bad, but it's like, it's the second that your body gives you that familiar feeling it, it, and the state you, you return to is that state of like, I don't deserve compassion.

I don't deserve. To love myself, I don't deserve grace because I'm right back here and I fucking can't get out of it. And it's like, it's cyclical. You know what it's like? It's almost like you're trying to change your eating habits.

It's like, think about it. Like eating the way that is required to achieve the physical results you want. That's not hard. It's not hard. What's hard is you're trying to take on this new habit. The new habit isn't that hard. What's hard is the old habit that you have, it takes 66 days to create a new habit.

Your operating system is a habit. The way you respond to things as a habit, the way you get triggered is a habit. The way you defend yourself and protect yourself as a habit, the way you hear things through the filter, the bullshit you've experienced in your life is a habit. Just like eating. Like when's the last time any of us have driven to work 25, 30 minutes to work and we don't remember any of them.

We're like, get there. We're like, How did I get here? It's because you drive there every day. Your frontal cortex doesn't process it anymore. It doesn't think about it logically. It doesn't need to. It's passed up as a habit. I know the way I go. This is just the route I take. I make a turn here. I do this.

You don't even question it. You order the burger and fries enough times. You just do it because it's what you do. You don't think. Logically go. Is this healthy? Is this going to get me to where I want? What it becomes is... You're trying to change your eating habits, or you're trying to change your operating patterns of the way you respond to things or react to things or live your life.

And so it's like you are putting down this new brick to build, and your subconscious is your old habit. And every time you turn to grab a new brick, your subconscious reaches up and takes that brick you just laid and it takes it away. And you go to put up the next one. You're like, why would I put up another one?

If, if it's always getting taken away, not realizing it's still you taking it away. So you go, we want to change those eating habits. It's like, yeah, I'm going to eat these things that I'm supposed to eat. And it's like, man, but I really want this. Why? Well, if I eat this, it releases dopamine. It gives me this good feeling of comfort.

And I want that right now, but we don't even, it's not even thought we have. I like the way it makes me feel. It's like, okay, man, it's like, I like food, you know? And it's like, so I'm going to eat this. And it's just like. So many people, and I've had this conversation that so many people experienced, I'm pretty much determined that everybody experiences it.

It's like. When you're sitting there and you're, you're, you're trying to eat better or whatever, not eat fast food all the time. And all of a sudden that, that fast food meal pops into your head and you sit there and you're like, I do it. I shouldn't do that. I shouldn't do that. I shouldn't do that. You're telling yourself I shouldn't do that.

And all the while you're like, I know I'm still going to do that. And then what do you do? You go, I know I'm going to feel like shit afterwards. I'm going to feel like shit when I do this behavior that like doesn't serve me anymore. And then you go do it and you can't stop yourself, eat all of it. And right as you get done, you're like, I wish I wouldn't have done that.

I feel like shit about myself, but you wouldn't have experienced that feeling unless you would have done it. So it's like the same thing with our operating system. It's like, don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. We get triggered. We kick into it. It is a conscious decision that we have to make time and time and time again.

For as long as it takes to create that as the new habit. So it's like, if every time you lay down a brick, your self conscious takes away, do you lay down two bricks, lay down three bricks, go faster. Like, how bad do you want this? Like, how bad do you want to change? How bad do you want to live your life?

How bad do you want to experience your life and not be a prisoner to your own bullshit that you've created to protect yourself when you don't need that protection anymore? It's like, literally, it's like coming out of a battle with your gun and you're still walking around on the streets with your gun.

And it's like a shopping mall. You don't need it. Like, you know what I mean? It's because you're so afraid that that threat is still exists. What if it pops up again? It's just you. It's what you're holding in your body. Yeah. That's, that was really good. That really tied everything together. And, you know, I think you can think about it in so many different aspects of your life.

Like you've mentioned before, you know, I think a lot of times we blame certain thing or like our inability to control a certain thing really has nothing to do with that thing. Like nutrition, we blame like the lack of knowledge, but like, yeah, we all kind of know what's healthy, but that's obviously, that's not the thing that really, that's It matters when you're looking for help to be better at eating, we'll say.

And it's like the same thing, like you were mentioning how it ties to business too. Like you help, like you want to help people with their business and sure, there's like, you can give them an outline of like, this is how. Your business should look. This is how you can streamline things. Like, that's great, but they're never going to feel good or confident or fulfillment unless they're releasing all the shit that makes them feel like they need to have this brilliant business or whatever.

So it's like lifting all of that up and like off of your chest and getting it figured out and working through it. It's so hard. And that's why people, and like, I don't even think it's like conscious that. They think it's hard. It feels uncomfortable. So they're like, Oh, that can't be right because I don't feel good when I do this.

I think doing that work is so hard for people because it's painful and it feels wrong. Like, you're like, okay, it shouldn't suck if this is the right thing to do, but a lot of times, like it absolutely is. And it's just your resistance to change. Well, and think of how many of your friends around you. Are going to talk shit to you while you're doing the deep work on yourself or changing anything about your character.

Like we were talking about the other day, like all that does is it exposes to them. Like most people don't want to do that kind of dark work on themselves. Most people don't want to look at their traumas. Most people don't want to dig in on the hurtful things that maybe their parents said to them when they were seven years old has shaped this idea and created an ideology that has now affected their behavior for the last 30 years of their life.

Like it's uncomfortable because we fear if I acknowledge these things, what if I end up hating my parents, if I, if I truly step into what I want to be, what if that means I decide I want to leave my husband because like, and so we'll end up denying it to ourselves for the, to keep the peace, like we'll, we'll, we'll deny our happiness, our existence, everything that we want just to like, keep a sense of normalcy.

It's so true. And it's so easy to stay in. Comfortable situations that are not really serving your highest self just because of that pain that is required to go through to get to the other side. And I think that, like, it's hard work and some days it's just, when you're going through it, it's like, wow. You think you're getting further only to realize you've uncovered more and you still have a lot more to work through.

And I think it's just like knowing that I need to keep going like you just have to have that something in you that makes you want to keep going. You have to find that reason, that thing, whatever it might be to you, to keep you moving even when things get so challenging and difficult and painful. What is that thing?

The thing that keeps you going, I personally, or in general, I mean, I think it is really like your ultimate yourself, like your vision. It's that peak we were talking about with that diagram. It's like your purpose, like. It's always going to be you. It's never going to be external. That's a thing. I think to truly feel, to truly feel it, like to have that feeling in your body is like, Oh, this is what it feels like.

This is what I've been chasing. This is what I've been looking for externally. Oh fuck. It's coming home. Yeah. Yeah. And all you have to do is experience it one time. Yeah. And for, even if you just get it for a glimpse of a moment. I like, it's maybe not the best reference, but it's like, it's why drug dealers will give you the first hit for free.

Why? Because it's going to be so amazing. You're going to chase that high the rest of your life. If you can let yourself experience yourself one time, I mean, truly like see you're almost seeing yourself externally. Like you see yourself externally. By having the people around you reflect that to you and you get to see yourself outside of your perception with your filter of shame and guilt and blame and not being good enough and all these things.

If you can just see yourself for one moment and be like, I do deserve the things I want. Oh my God. Like literally it shoots through your spine. You feel it and you will chase that the rest of your life. Yeah. I love that. Awesome. Yeah, I think this has been so good and I can't wait for people to hear this.

I hope that you guys were able to kind of connect to different pieces and parts of what you heard today. And if you're feeling really inspired by the things that they've said, I definitely encourage you to check out their pages. They post a lot of really great content that has inspired me and. I feel like if you're listening to me and I, if you feel any inspiration for me, then you'll definitely feel inspiration from them.

So yeah, let them know where they can find you guys. Like you're in, you guys like Instagram. Yeah. Well, thank you. Thank you for having us. Yeah. We're super honored. Yeah. Like the work that you're doing, like we get it, man. We respect you and we see you like you are powerful. Yeah. And I'm sure like the people that, you know, listen to you and learn from you and.

Like there's something within themselves that they see. In you. And like, like that's what it is to like serve people. Yeah. It's amazing. So cool. So, so cool. Oh, so Instagram, like, yeah. My personal Instagram is Celeste Bonin, just my name. And then our website is this is me dot live. And my Instagram is just, my name, Grant Dziak.

And we're actually, we're launching a new Instagram for a project. This is me very soon. Yeah. So we're launching that. We're launching a podcast soon and our blogs, we're starting our blog again. I'm like, what else? You're like, well, you guys fucking talk enough. So thank you so, so much for having us on.

Thank you guys. Awesome. Yeah. We'll post their links in the show notes too. So you guys can go ahead. Click there, check them out, give them a follow so you can see what they're coming up with and the new releases of all these new fun and exciting adventures they have. But yeah, definitely we want to hear from you guys.

Make sure to write a review, let us know what you thought. We really appreciate your feedback. Thanks guys. Love you lots. Bye.

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