Episode 13 of the Fuel the Fire Podcast hosted by Shanon Safi, RD, LDN.
Do you make sure to do things that bring you pleasure on a daily basis or do you get stuck in the cycle of setting it aside? It's time we take control of our lives. In this episode Shanon discusses the topic of pleasure and how important it is to prioritize despite the normalization to push it away.
In this episode we talk about: How we view the concept of “pleasure” and how it affects our lives (2:29) The importance of finding balance between responsibility and pleasure (9:46) How we can break the mold by helping ourselves and others (20:37) Finding what brings you pleasure, focusing on your senses, and not feeling guilty (26:02) Give yourself permission to live your life to the fullest (37:47)
Episode Transcript:
I like to open up the floor for people to embrace like who they are. Rather than looking at what makes you different as like this negative that makes you like an outlier, the reality of it is like that thing that was really unique about you, I think like makes you, you. And that's so cool. Hello, hello.
Welcome back to another episode of the Fuel Fire Soul podcast. It's your host Shannon Safi. And today I just kind of wanted to talk a little bit about, I guess myself and like how I got to where I am and why. I am who I am in this very moment. I've been thinking about this a lot lately because I've been on this journey of self exploration and trying to understand myself better.
It's just been something that, I don't know, I feel like when there's things about your life that you want to change or shift or adjust, I think it can be really difficult to do that without truly understanding who you are and what you truly want. And so I think. It just gets really complicated by all of the things and the influences that we've had in our personal lives about what we should be, how we should be, what we should wear, what we should do with our careers, how we should do our hair, you know, what color makeup things we wear, and you know, all of that stuff.
A lot of those things are almost decided for us. And so when you're coming into this journey of exploring yourself and figuring yourself out, you almost have to like, see where all of these things came from. And. Why they became what they are and why they mean to you what they mean to you in this current moment and if you are going to change or rebuild things in the future, how do you actually want that to look and Is that actually going to be pleasurable to you on a deep level versus just something that's more superficial or like how people are going to perceive you?
I think why you do things is really important to understand so that you're actually choosing something that's truly fulfilling to you and that's really going to make you happy to your core, not just the people around you happy that's going to Make you feel good in certain moments, but at the end of the day, you're going home to yourself and you have to be happy with all of your choices and your decisions and what you're.
deciding to do every day, who you're deciding to be with, where you're spending your time, all of that. So going back to, I guess, talking about myself, which I always feel a little awkward doing just because I'm like, wow, I'm just a normal human and it feels like uncomfortable to just like talk about myself.
Yeah. And I guess maybe that's something I need to think a little bit more about. I think it's just like, you know, I don't. Ever want to come off as like, Oh, I am some form of like superior. I don't see myself in that way at all. I think it's more about me wanting to share my experiences and open up and let you guys know who I am, because in a lot of ways, I think it's really liberating when you're able to like connect to someone's story, especially if there is something that you see in them or you're reflecting in them or reflecting from them that you really want to see in yourself.
And then it can be a way of like giving other people permission to have that experience. So that's why I think it's really powerful to share your story and you know, again, like opening up, I think is really cathartic too. It lets you just kind of like let go. The fear of saying these things, because a lot of times, like, we build up a fear around exposing ourselves and exposing our weaknesses because maybe in the past it's hurt us, or it's just, like, we've just been taught it's shameful to talk about negative experiences or negative things because it makes us look bad.
But in reality, I think it just makes us look more human, more relatable. More open to connection and able to actually be happier when you can say those things, own whatever you experience and just kind of let it go and move on and live your life in the way that you want to. So there's going to be lots of parts to this story.
I have not prepared what I'm about to say. So. It could get really wild, just you know, if you're in your car, make sure your seatbelt is strapped, or if you're just chillin strap in your pretend seatbelt, because it's, there's gonna be some wild parts to this. Alright, so, we're gonna throw back to Little Shannon, and for my inspiration right now, this might be so corny, but recently I was at my parents house, and I was going through old photos, because I think it's really nice to just, like, Have to look back at memories and some positive things, because I think sometimes when it comes to trauma healing or looking back at things that we want to fix, sometimes we get hyper fixated on the negative things.
So it's always good to remember to throw in that splash of remembering the positive things and all of the great things that have gotten you to where you are. And just being just, yeah, like a lot of gratitude towards those positive moments and experiences and people. There's probably so many people in your life that have done really kind things that have made such a difference in the trajectory of your life.
That you forget, or maybe just didn't know because you were too little or you have suppressed memories or something along those lines. So it's, it's really good to be able to have the ability to look back at photos and explore and tap into some memories or open up the door for conversation about things that you just have no awareness around, because.
Because you were just too young to formulate. So yeah, I have one of the photos of my mother and I. My mom actually has red hair and she's fair skinned, freckles, um, light brown eyes, so completely opposite of me. I'm like tan, black hair, very dark eyes that I would also consider basically black. And so we look very different.
But in this photo, I think it's super cute. My mom actually has dark hair and you can't really tell her eye color too much. You can't really tell my eye color too much. But she does have curly hair, and I had a little curly, like, I don't know what you would call it, like, it wasn't long enough to be past my ears, so I just look like I have a little ball of curls on the top of my head.
It's actually kind of funny. So, I guess it was hard to tell what my gender was as a child. A lot of people mistakenly thought I was a boy, so my parents tried really hard to Do things that made me look more feminine. I think it just took a long time for my hair to grow in. And then because my hair was curly, it made it look super short.
So it gave me more like external masculine characteristics. So when I was a baby, my parents actually pierced my ears. And then intentionally tried to dress me up in the cutest, girliest things so that people would not mistake me for a boy. People would always think I was their son, which is really funny.
But it is what it is. I mean, I had no control over that really at that time. So yeah, just being a product of whatever my parents thought was best at that time, or however they felt about it. So anyway, I keep getting off topic, but going back to this. So I grew up in Allentown, Pennsylvania. So I think at some point actually lived in In a different place, maybe like in the first year of my life, so when we were super young we lived above, I believe it was like my grandfather's convenience store, so he had a convenience store on the east side of Allentown, and my parents initially lived above there, so both of my parents were not born in America, so I'm the first, I'm a first generation American, so Syrian American, both my parents were from Syria originally, my father came when he was younger, I think he was, like, elementary school age when his family moved here.
And then my mother didn't move here until she actually married my father. And the way they actually met, so my dad actually went back to Syria to party with his brother. So my father had no intentions of getting married at all and was just going to have some fun. And he went to visit his aunt, who was actually the neighbor of my mother.
So when he went over to visit his aunt, he saw my mom. Claims he just instantly fell in love and was just obsessed with her and was really trying to win her over. And my dad likes to say that he was just like a ladies man and he had a list of women and when he saw my mom he just like put her right at the top and was like, this is the one, like, I have to marry this woman.
So it's really cute the way he tells this story. And it's funny because if you ask my mom, she was like, Oh yeah, like it's just this American boy. Yeah. I felt like it was just a ticket to America and he seemed really fun. So I thought, why not? So it's super funny because they did get married super quickly.
I think they had known each other really, you know, like they knew of each other for about three months, but didn't actually really start connecting for like, I don't know, maybe like two weeks. They really actually connected and decided to marry each other. And when my mom made that decision, they had a wedding in Syria so that she could celebrate with her family.
And then they flew over to America and had another wedding in America to celebrate with my dad's family. So it's, it's kind of cool. They got both of those experiences. So I'm really happy for them because that was probably such a fun time. But also, you know, I think for my mom, it was probably a really scary time because when I think back to that time, I mean, not that I existed when they got married, I started existing shortly after that, but with that being said, like, if you think about what life was like then, like they didn't have cell phones and especially if anyone is also like a first generation American and has a connection or second generation or whatever that is, and has experienced life in another country.
It's so different than the way it is here. So it's like to call back to Syria, we had to have like calling cards. And so you had to like orchestrate things and time them so you could call them at the right time and not waste your calling card. And you have to, like, you'd have to pay so many minutes so that you could.
Connect with them. And so when my mom was that young, she really didn't have much of an ability to connect back to her family because that honestly, right, like that was not even like the internet wasn't really even a thing. And computers weren't really a thing when they first got married. So it was just really hard for her to communicate and she felt really isolated and alone.
So when she struggled, I, you know, and again, these are my assumptions because You know, if again, having foreign parents or maybe just like having super old school parents or however you want to think of it, they're just like, there's a lot of shame around negative experiences of their personal life. So it's, it's really hard.
It's, you know, I really have to. Think very deeply about what I'm going to say to my mother, because I don't want to push any buttons, and I really want her to feel comfortable opening up to me. So it's been like a really slow process asking my mom about those experiences, and I don't want to force anything out of her, so like, in her time, she'll tell me more, but from what I would gather, You know, just like the general kind of vague stuff she would tell me.
Like it was definitely really stressful not having her family here for her because she didn't know anyone and she wasn't really proficient with the language. Like she knew some English because she did learn some in school, but Arabic was her main language. And so, it was really hard for her to adapt and like.
Learn the colloquial, colloquial is a, oh my gosh, I can't even say that word. But you know what I'm saying, like her trying to learn the language of this area was not easy. And my father oh, I guess like really neither of them had a lot of money. So my father was like working super long hours and my mom couldn't work yet.
She was still trying to learn English and trying to figure out like what she wanted to do. So my mother actually went to college in Syria and And she was an electrical engineer, which is like amazing. My mother is such a brilliant, intelligent woman. And so to come here and that degree meant nothing, like it wasn't accepted anywhere.
So she had really worked hard to become that because in Syria, you can't just like choose to study whatever you want there. It's, it's not the way it is here. It's like you get to study a certain thing based off of how you perform in school. So like, you know, whoever graduates like first in the class, like goes off to become a whoever graduates second in the class.
Becomes an engineer or whatever. So it was kind of like that. So you're, you know, based off of your intelligence, it was determined like what you were actually going to do and what you're capable of doing. So you didn't really have that choice in that sentence because, you know, you're going to go on to pursue something.
If you have the intelligence to do it. And like, why wouldn't you? Because having a good reputation for your family is also really important there. So if you have the opportunity and the intelligence to study something like that, you're absolutely going to do it. So I think there's probably also a lot of fear from her family's side being like, okay, you're going to marry this American boy and just like leave the family.
And she was the youngest. So she was actually the first of her sisters. So she has two older sisters and she was like the youngest by far. And. And I ended up being the first to get married, so I think there was just so much fear around that and the family was, like, probably a little confused or worried.
And I'm sure there was, like, a lot of emotions around that decision with her coming here. So yeah, my mom is here, married to my dad, trying to figure things out, super stressed out. They had my brother pretty soon. After, like, I want to say that, like, my brother was born within a year and a half after they were married, I forget the exact timeline, but, like, basically, once they got married, they were like, alright, you know, time to make some babies, so they did that, and I guess it was such a stressful experience, like, bringing my brother in with my mom again, just, like, wanting to be able to provide more and support the family more, so she actually told me that she wasn't intending to have me when she did, so my brother and I are, like, Two years and three months apart, I believe so, or yeah.
Yeah, about that. A little over two years apart. And so, my mom said initially she wasn't planning to have me, she was actually on birth control. And somehow, magically, I, I just, yeah, I just happened. I started to exist, and I formed. So, with... My mom, she ended up having me despite these odds. And with that, I think it was definitely really stressful because I don't think they're financially ready to take on another child because having children is definitely expensive.
And it's also like a big time commitment. And my parents, they were also trying to. Kind of like, really establish their own and not have to feel like they needed to be as supported by my dad's family as they were. So, they moved shortly after I was born and they bought a house on the east side of Allentown, and so that's where I grew up.
So we lived there until so I went to Ritter Elementary School, I was in first grade there, and then after that my family moved us. And so, When I was actually in elementary school at that point in Allentown, so the reason my parents really wanted us to move, they told me it was actually because of me.
Basically, what had happened was I was being bullied by other kids, older kids when I was in first grade and You know, I don't fully know why this exactly was, but I was picked on a lot and maybe I was an easy target or maybe I was just really tiny or whatever the case was. But I guess one day my dad was like coming to pick me up from school and I don't know the details.
And again, my parents, like, I don't think want me to know the specific details of what exactly was going on. I don't remember this at all, so I don't know if I suppressed it or if it was just like, I don't know. Cause like, I have memories of other things of my childhood, but I, I really don't remember this scenario.
Maybe it wasn't significant to me or I suppressed it. I'm still not really sure, but I guess he said some guy was grabbing me and he, my dad just like freaked out. Cause like. He's super protective and I don't know any details other than he said that day he knew that they needed to get out ASAP, so they wanted to move and just be in a better area because there was like some crime too around where I was living specifically in Allentown.
Because of that, my dad wanted us to move, so we ended up moving into... Salisbury, which I guess is kind of known as this, like, okay, like it's a nice school district. My parents wanted us to be in a better environment and have a bigger yard and feel a little bit more separation from our neighbors because they really wanted to focus on like putting us in a place that they felt like they could really protect us and keep us safe and put us around people that maybe won't pick on me, I guess.
And so, I moved to Salisbury. And yeah, I mean, Salisbury is like a. At the time, like, I felt like, you know, there weren't a whole lot of other kids that were ethnic in Salisbury at that time, there was like a handful. And ironically, like, those were all my best friends. So probably like this gravitation towards other people from different cultures, like started when I was young.
Cause I think there's just that level of like comfortability you have, like being someone whose family is from another country. Sometimes there's just certain things that it's just easier to connect with other people, because some people might not understand that cultural difference that I was experiencing, unless they had also been experiencing a similar type of cultural difference.
So those are kind of the people I gravitated towards, and my neighbor, who was like my best friend growing up, because she was so close and we did a lot of activities together. My parents were super busy always trying to work and, like, make a better life for us. They sacrificed a lot for us to be where we're at, but, you know, there was still, like, there's, there's a cost for that in terms of, like, my parents not being able to be there as much as they wanted to.
So my parents, like, didn't really come to events because they're always busy working or if I wanted to play sports or do things, I always had to catch a ride with someone, or I would ride my bike to practice, things like that, which. I guess in my generation, it's not really, it wasn't really normal to like, ride your bike to practice and things like that, or like, find your ways, or walk to practice, things like that, so like, I wasn't really that close to the school for it to be even really relatively normal to do those kinds of things, but I, you know, my parents would always tell me stories about how dedicated they were, and like, my dad would ride his bike to practice, and so it was like, normal for him, if you want to play a sport, if you want to do a thing, like, it's your responsibility, You want to get after it, go for it.
If you're gonna do it, be the best. So it was like, all of this discipline of like, don't bother doing anything unless you're gonna be the absolute best at it. So I always had this mentality of like, if I'm gonna do something or if I have to do something, I want to be really good at doing that thing. And I think growing up, I, you know, having that older brother, I think that was a big part of having someone to look up to and also like, in my culture, Him being a boy like made a huge difference versus me being a girl like there was just this Like halo around my brother's head.
My brother's name is AJ. So there's halo around his head It's like no matter what he does It's great because he's the boy and he's dominant and he's gonna carry the family name and legacy and he's gonna be able to accomplish Things and he's gonna have a great career is gonna be a great athlete all this stuff So I was almost like living in his shadow.
So everything that I did was to almost, like, copy him and mimic him because I wanted to be just like him because I craved the attention that he was getting. Yeah, I mean, I guess there was, like, a lot of jealousy there because my parents, like, were super hard on me and the, you know, what he was allowed to do was a lot more liberal and open compared to what I was allowed to do.
Like, for example just like in the realm of dating, like when my brother was in high school, he had a girlfriend, she'd come over, she could stay in his room, they could close the door. And that was like totally acceptable. And literally so I moved back home after I graduated college. So like till the age of 27, one night I like slept over a guy's house.
And my mom was like. Like, I am 27 at this point, like, my brother was doing this stuff when he was like 15, like, now I am 27, I am a grown woman, I moved away to college and I have now come back, I don't know what they thought I was doing out there, like, I'm, you know, not that I was being so wild, but at the same time, it's like, you know, I came home and they were still just like, oh, I'm like, I'm disgusted with you, like, I can't believe you would go and spend a night like that, like, I didn't raise a daughter to be like that, and so, that was always really hard and that's what really, like, I've never to move out.
Like I, I am so close with my parents and I love them so much and I understand where they are coming from because there's just a difference in culture. And like, that's all it is. So like other people might see it as like, Oh, like that's crazy that your parents were like that. But at the same time it's like, okay, well, like my parents were also treated that way because that was just like culturally inappropriate to do those sorts of things in Syria.
So it's like my mom would have never dared to do that. So I think. You know, she was still adapting to the culture and understanding the norms. And I always like joke with my sister. I'm like, yeah, I really like broke it in for you because now my sister, like she's six years younger, but she has a lot more freedoms than I did when I was her age, um, like my parents were so much more open and allowing and accepting of like, whatever quirkiness or uniqueness or like cultural norms she was adapting to.
And yeah, I definitely caught the brunt of all of that and like making things okay. And yeah, so that definitely made things like, like, you know, as much as it held me back in certain regards, I think it also was the thing that made me really successful in other ways. So I don't regret, or I don't want to say regret because it was like, Not fully my choice, but like, I'm really thankful for how my parents were able to raise me, even though there were a lot of difficult aspects.
Because when I was younger, just like, and you know, like, I, I'm always hesitant to go into too much detail about my childhood because I, you know, I really respect my parents for what they went through and I never want to put them in a negative light because they are really amazing parents and, like, they are so self sacrificing and just, like, willing to do anything for me that I, you know, I, like, I hate to put any negative light on anything and I know that it hurts them.
If I talk about those negative experiences from my childhood because, you know, they, they don't want to feel like they failed me because I know that they genuinely did give everything they had within them to, like, give us the best life. I'm like, you can probably hear my voice. I'm like choking up a little bit because like, yeah, just like what they gave me is like so special.
And like, they, they genuinely like, you have to be able to look at your parents and know that like they're. People like they were just young. They were kids like just trying to figure out their life. And so like, they didn't have all the answers. And so you have to see that they had their own wounds that they were trying to heal and work through and adapt.
And like, my parents were going through so much during our childhood. So like. I understand that they couldn't give us like a perfect life, like no one can give you a perfect life. Even if you try your hardest to give your child a perfect life, it's just not realistic. So, you know, like you have to be able to give yourself grace if you're a parent, because like one day your kids are going to understand and they might not understand right now, but one day they will.
And like, I'm so grateful that my mom's been able to open up to me recently because that's really helped me like. Understand like why I am who I am and like how I got here and why I became this way and why I had those experiences. And so it just like gives me so much more clarity. But yeah, I mean, with, with that being said, like I did.
I did have some like traumatic experiences that I'm not going to go in depth with. Like, you know, if you know me on a personal level definitely willing to share them in person, I'm not ready to put it on a public forum, but yeah, there's definitely some really negative experiences that, you know, really brought down my self esteem and like.
I had such a negative sense of self worth. But like growing up the way it impacted me and like the type of kid I was, like the person I was in high school, like I was always very very kind, like, you know, any negative experience that had happened to me, like, you know, it was just like, Oh, I never want anyone to feel the way I felt during those times.
So I've always been the type that's like super open, super loving, super accepting of everyone and anyone. So like. You know, I wasn't, I wouldn't say like I necessarily conformed to any clique or group when I was in high school. I was, I was almost like a floater where it's just like, I just wanted to talk to people and get to know people.
And, you know, I guess. Unintentionally, I guess it's kind of similar to like what I feel like my purpose always was where it's just like I, I like to open up the floor for people to embrace like who they are and rather looking rather than looking at what makes you different as like this negative that makes you like an outlier.
Like seeing it as something that you should embrace and be really proud of, because I think like we all have a unique gift and that's so beautiful. But like in high school, it was all about conformity. So a lot of people saw their uniqueness was like something negative, but the reality of it is like that thing that was really unique about you, I think like makes you, you, and that's so cool.
So I, you know, I always found myself like I would sit with different people at lunch all the time. Like it did not matter. Who you were. Like, I'm literally telling you probably like I sat with like every person in my high school, at least at one point during lunchtime, because yeah, I just was always so curious about the nature of people and their, you know, what they had to offer.
And you know, it's, to me, it just like wasn't fair for people to get bullied. Maybe again, because I was bullied when I was really young and when I moved, like I didn't have that experience. So it's like in second grade forward, I wasn't really bullied, but I would see. Other people getting bullied. And I would like, I was always that person that would step in and be like, trying to diffuse the situation.
Like if I saw someone getting picked on that didn't deserve it or couldn't defend themselves and they were just like taking it, like I would always step in. And it was just, like, this compulsion to do that, like, I, like, could not tolerate seeing someone be mistreated. And it was probably because, again, like, I was mistreated and so I didn't, like, when you have suffered through that pain on the other end, like, you know what it feels like.
And you don't, like, ugh, I always get emotional, but, like, you don't want anyone else to hurt in that way because, like, you know how much. It hurt you. And so it's like, I couldn't tolerate the sight of it. Like I dude, I would put my neck on the line for like anyone that was just being treated in a way that they didn't deserve.
And that was just like always my personality. Like that's always who I've been, you know, like I didn't have any like dramatic personality transformation in the sense of like, like I've, I've just always like been that type of person. I think today to this day, I still really pride myself in like my character and like.
Genuinely always wanting the best for anyone and everyone, even people that mistreated me. So like, I never have been a spiteful person. Like I, I can't stand the thought of like hurting someone. And that was a big part of it where it was like, you know, maybe I learned that it was okay to suffer or like, I was like, wow, I'm really good at tolerating.
Unfair treatment. And maybe my place and my purpose in this life is not necessarily to have pleasure, but to bring joy and happiness to other people. And like, that was probably the biggest lesson that I had to learn was like, you know, I was just like hitting a point in my life where I was just like, you know what, like being unhappy really actually kind of sucks.
And like being the person that suffers for everyone else's benefit, like. Like, isn't fun, and it's not enjoyable, and I don't feel like life has to be this way. Like, I don't think this was my destiny. Like, I started questioning that, and I was just like, you know what, like, I don't need to be self sacrificing all the time, and like, it was such a beautiful quality that I saw in my parents, and like, that was their way of showing me love, so like, that's how I showed other people love, like, sacrificing myself for their benefit.
And, you know, now... My parents like still trying to do that at times because that that's how they learned how to show love and like that's so normal Coming from like a cultural family cultural background And I like, you know part of this journey. I'm on to is like showing them that like You don't, like, have to suffer and you don't have to sacrifice, like, all of your happiness to achieve or be successful.
Cause like, again, that was just such a principle that was, that I was raised with. That was such a hard thing for me to break and to actually let myself be happy. So that, that's really been my biggest challenge over these last few years is, you know, I want to say that, like, personal journey. This, like, change of, like, really wanting for things to be better, you know.
I want to say the conscious thoughts like started when I was in college at some point and things were again just like falling apart and I was like losing control and things were happening that I couldn't control and I couldn't give the way I wanted to because I was like hurting so badly and I had no one to turn to like I felt so lost and alone.
And I remember like calling my, like the person that I called my best friend. aNd I like, I was talking to her and I was just like crying my eyes out like so hard. And she said to me she was like overwhelmed and like taken aback. And she was just like, I, like, I hadn't known her since I was like.
I don't know, eight? Like, I was super young, eight, nine, and she was just like, dude, I never heard you cry. Like, I just thought you had a perfect life and, like, I was jealous of you and I wanted to have your life because you just seemed happy all the time and you're always so nice. And, I mean, it's just so crazy because, like, I wanted to put on that front.
Like, I wanted my life to seem perfect. Like, I, you know, like, there was so much shame around expressing any form of negative emotion. And so, like, her saying those words to me was kind of just like this, like, wake up where it was just like, you know, it's, it's okay to, like, ask for help and I don't have to, like, hide these things because it's not going to change how people feel about me or it's not going to change, like, my worthiness or deserving of love and, like, it was okay to, like, let that out.
I'm sorry, I'm trying really hard not to like cry, but you know, like that was such like a profound shift in my life and like that's really when I hit like such a wall with my life and I was just like, life cannot be like this, like this sucks and I feel so alone and I, the way I feel right now, like I would never wish that upon anyone, like that moment before I called her, it was just like, I needed to go somewhere and I didn't know where to go with it.
And so I'm thankful that she was willing to listen to me at that time, and Was really receptive to what I was saying that really opened up a huge door for me and you know It really allowed me to start, you know, becoming a little more open to it Like I mean, it's definitely a long process cuz like I'm still like right now I'm finally getting comfortable with like speaking how I feel in the moment right when I feel it and I'm like so proud of myself for that level of development, but like We're talking like, like I think that was maybe 2014 or 2015 when that really happened.
So we're like, we're talking like a solid at least seven year process of like opening up to my own emotions and even being able to identify them and know what they are. So, of course there was a lot of other things in my life that happened in between birth and now other than this emotional development, but I really want to highlight this because especially with clients, they're always curious, like, am I on the right path?
Or like, how long is this going to take me to change the way I think, the way I feel, understand myself, be able to make these changes. And it's, it's really not an easy process, but it's something that requires persistence and knowing that everything that you do will eventually pay off, but you can't get sidetracked or you can't get caught up in wanting like instant results.
And I think. With nutrition, it was kind of this thing where it gave people instant results and feeling like, Hey, like I can physically, I can visibly see the progress at a rate. And like, I have so many clients that always want to push that rate at which they can lose the weight. But you also have to realize like.
This same principle that I'm about to say applies to life where it's like, if you want things to happen faster, like also know that they're going to become undone twice as fast. So if you're going to pour yourself into a process, there's a really big likelihood that you're going to experience some level of burnout because your body was not meant to experience that level of change that quickly.
So it's, it's a negative thing for your body to lose weight really fast. It's not healthy. It affects your metabolism. It affects your organs. Like, you're shocking your whole system. Like, your body was used to regulating and operating at a certain weight and a certain intake. And when you rapidly, dramatically change that, your body does not like that.
So even though mentally you're like, yeah, I feel good. I'm losing weight. I'm looking good. Your body is rejecting and wanting to revolt, and it cannot wait, and it's going to make it so hard for you to resist, quote unquote, like, going back to your old ways, because that transformation is just way too radical to be sustainable and realistic, and so, and so, Same with your life, like, if you think that suddenly you're just gonna wake up one day and just be super happy and in touch with your emotions and in the right career just instantaneously, like, just know that it all takes time because you have to go through that process, like, I was talking about of, like, truly knowing yourself and knowing where these parts of you came from and, you know, going back to the principle that, like, Yeah, like it's, it was scary to make changes for one of the reasons being that like, I knew that my ability to be super disciplined and my strive for achievement and being the best was what made me such a good athlete.
It's what made me such a good business owner. And again, I'm not saying that to like toot my own horn, but I did like achieve like with athletics and stuff. Like I set state records, like I was. It's known for my level of achievement, like, and, you know, that was not only in high school, like I got awards in high school for basketball.
And then I went on in college, then I started competing in bikini competitions. And then from there, it's like, I went into powerlifting and then I went into CrossFit and like all of those. I had some high level of achievement because I was so disciplined, but it was like to my own detriment. It was like, I don't mind suffering.
I'm really good at being disciplined. Like, even though I hate this, like I'm so good at performing and like being acknowledged for my level of discipline felt so good to me. And it was the same thing with my work. And that's one big thing. Like I finally was able to let go of that desire to be like. The one that looks like they're in the best shape or the best performer in whatever sport.
I finally kind of like let that settle and now I'm still trying to kind of like, let it simmer with work in the sense that, you know, again, like I gave up so much of my personal life to develop my business and my career. And now I look back at that and like, there's definitely things that I missed.
Because of work that I wish I didn't miss and so yeah, there was a part of me that was like if I heal this Struggle or this need or if I become okay with not being perfect like will I actually achieve anything in my life? so it was like this fear of letting go because it gave me so many beautiful things and Letting go of that or healing that there was a risk that I felt in my head that I was not going to be able to be successful, but you know, I came to that realization eventually that that's not true.
And that's part of healing is like, the things that raise you are also going to be the things that hold you back. So, you know, that served its purpose to get me to where I'm at, but now it's that shift of like, okay, there's something that needs to shift within me so that I can get to that next level of my evolution and.
So that's kind of where everything came from, and that's kind of the journey. So, through my work and stuff, because I am, you know, I do want to be really happy with what I'm doing with my life, because I lost so much of that happiness. Or, I don't want to say I lost it, but like, I didn't allow myself to have it for so many years of my life.
Like, I'm talking like, I did not consider Pleasure being relevant until more recently within like the last few years where I just had this shift of like, I want to enjoy my life and not feel like I'm doing things just because I have to or doing them because I'm supposed to or doing them because it's going to make me look successful or it's going to make my parents proud.
It's like, okay, like this is my life and I'm the one that has to show up for me every day. And so. I need to be happy with everything that I am and accept that and welcome it and embrace it and know that it's okay and I'm just being me, regardless of what that is, if it makes me weird or if people, you know, talk about how I dress or do my hair or whatever, you know?
What I do on a daily basis or how I spend my time, like it doesn't matter because I'm doing this for me. Like this life is my life. And of course, yes, I care about other people. You just have to be able to understand that like you being happy, isn't going to take away from someone else's happiness.
It's only going to allow them to step into their own happiness. And I can't emphasize that enough because. You, you know, I used to think that, like, there was a choice. It's either, like, this person's happy or I'm happy. There can't be a reality where both exist. But now I realize that goes against the laws of the universe.
I truly believe that, like, there's going to be a reality where everyone can be happy. And it's a choice that everyone has to make for themselves with consideration for how it affects other people. So I do think it's really important to still be a kind person. So I'm not. Talking about moving with reckless abandon and hurting people to get what you want.
That's not, it doesn't have to be that, it shouldn't be that way. I think it's more about, you know, picking the choice that's in your best interest and in their best interest. Because there's always going to be a decision that is in the best interest for both parties. It might not feel that way in the moment, but eventually.
Everything will make sense and you'll see why things had to happen the way that they did. Even in the moments like when we so tightly hung on to things because it was part of our identity or part of who we were, or we felt like, what would I have if I didn't have that thing in my life? You just kind of have to, you just have to trust and like let that go and know that better things will come to you.
And, yeah, I know I kind of went off on a tangent, which I typically do in these podcast episodes, but I think these are just the things that flow to me and it feels right to say. So, really, all of this coming back to my story and how this ties in to this, like, spiritual or, like, personal development side of things, you know, I think...
As a whole, looking back at my life, I am really grateful for all of those negative experiences, even though they hurt in the moment, you have to be able to reflect back and look back and say, like, it all happened for a reason and what happens to you, I think a lot of times can develop into what your purpose is.
So the things that you weren't able to choose, Into your reality, shape you into your purpose and who you're meant to become. And at some point, you also have to figure out, okay, like what happened to me and what am I allowing to continue to happen to me that's actually in my control. And I, you know, that, that's where the cycle breaking occurs.
So there are things that are out of your control, but being able to see, like. What is in your control and what you are doing to yourself and allowing to happen to you repeatedly That's how you can break the cycle. So like any negative thing that I experienced in my life I had to step back and say like how am I allowing this to happen to me?
For example, you know, I I'll probably maybe I'll do an episode on relationships I think but You know, that's an example of something that I struggled with, with for a long time in my life, just like knowing how I deserve to be treated in a relationship. Because like when you're someone that shows up, that's like super self sacrificing.
I think I tended to end up with partners who I, like, I hate to say take advantage of because I don't. You know, I'd like to hope that some of it was innocent or like, you know, you just, you're going to have people that gravitate towards you that are used to having someone that sacrifices for them or has a sense of entitlement or something along those lines.
So that was like a really big thing. I. I'm still like, you know, I feel like I'm getting to a point where I really get it and I've really changed that in my friendships and family relationships and now like the romantic side that obviously it's just like divine timing, waiting for the right thing to make sense, but I'm so firm in who I am and my identity and what I deserve that, you know, I had to look back and say like, okay, all of these Relationships that I've had like did have something in common and I had a lesson to learn from all of them and some of them I had to see was like, wow, this is the same relationship problem just with like a different face.
And I had to see how I was the one that was accepting it. I was welcoming it in. I'm the common denominator in all of these relationships. So to get stuck in that mindset of like, oh my God, like, why do I always end up with crappy guys? Or like, oh, every guy is crappy, or every guy mistreats me, or like, every guy does this.
Like, those general statements really hold you back from actually getting better and like welcoming something more positive into your life. So you have to step in and tell yourself like, Hey. I'm playing a role in this show, and it is happening to me, and I need to be able to see that and take steps towards acknowledging what my boundaries are, who I am, healing my wounds, and not just like, Letting someone's wounds rub up against mine and just deepen mine and create, continue to create this reality that I don't want just because I'm letting my wounds like just be wide open and letting them fill a void that I don't really need to be filled and things like that.
But like I said, I'm going to get more into that on another episode because I think that's a really beautiful topic to get into. But anyhow, yeah, that's a very brief, vague history of my life. It's actually so hard to talk about. Things like that, just because it's like there, you know, there's so many years of my life and so many specific types of topics that we can get into about it.
But I felt like just opening up the door and kind of letting you guys know why I got to this point and why I really want to help people the way that I do and why I'm doing this podcast because I want others to feel liberated. I never want. other people to feel alone. I always want people to feel like they have someone to lean on during difficult times, because I know how hard it is to make progress and feel strong, genuinely, and like heal your wounds when you're doing it completely alone.
Like, it is so painful, and I've cried so many tears alone by myself, just wondering why things had to happen the way that they did. And You know, part of that was, like, letting myself open up to others, and that was really hard to do. But yeah, like, I want to just be open to others and let them kind of see how beneficial it is to open up and ask for help when it's right.
And that growth is really possible, and being able to become the person that you want to be can be your reality. You just have to see what choices you need to make and... What you are allowing into your life and how to make sure that you're choosing the things that are more in alignment for your highest self and that greater vision you have of being happy.
But again, like I said, happiness, you can choose that now it's going to take some time and you're going to feel a lot of emotions during this path. But the more often you choose happiness and you choose balance, you are going to lead yourself on to that path to have that life and to be living that life.
Starting now with. How you want things to look it'll get a little messy. But like I said, that's what I'm here for That's my purpose is to support you through that and show you how amazing That your life can really be if you choose to do the work and show up for yourself every single day every single moment and you know, love yourself and Embrace what you want.
Embrace your desires. Embrace your identity. This life is for you. It's for your love. It's for you to radiate the beautiful being that you are to the world and open up and expand. So yes, if you liked today's episode, please share that with me. Again, I still have a few shirts left, getting really scanty. So if you write a review, send me a screenshot, let me know, I'll hook it up.
But yes, thanks for li I love you guys so much. I always feel lighter after I do these episodes. So thank you so much for listening. It genuinely does mean a lot to me. Especially if you listen to the end of these episodes. I know they're long, but you know, that's kind of my style. I like to give you some meat in these episodes to really give you a full understanding.
My recommendation is go on a nice long walk as you listen to them. I think that's my favorite thing to do is like go on a nice long walk, listen to a podcast or something enlightening and just observe nature. And use these podcast episodes as an opportunity to reflect upon yourself and mirror within yourself what you know you're capable of doing and how you can continue to expand and how you can continue to be happy and take the steps that are right for you in the direction that you want to be taking them.
So again, we're signing off. Love you guys. Bye.