Episode 30 of the Fuel the Fire Podcast hosted by Shanon Safi, RD, LDN.
Our bodies change constantly as we go on in life; it’s a completely normal process, though sometimes can make shopping nerve-wracking. Some of our most vulnerable moments are contained in that tiny room with just ourselves and the mirror. It's okay to need a little support.
In this episode, Shanon is joined by Miranda Compton, an adamant leader in body confidence who works in fashion retail for women. She, and the company she works for, are here to break the stigma and uplift women in every shape and form.
In This Episode: Meet Miranda as she talks her passion for building women’s confidence in life and in the fitting room (02:03) How your clothes reflect as an extension of emotions and how we perceive ourselves (14:13) Shanon & Miranda reflect on how their body consciousness started young (18:44) Being Mindful: You never know what someone else is going through (21:26) Shanon and Miranda discuss their experiences choice anxiety and overthinking (31:21) The importance of taking care of your mind, body, and soul together (41:49)
I don't know when the woman walks in the door at the store where she's at with herself, but it's my job to make her feel good. By the time she leaves. I'm thankful for that. It opens my eyes to the importance of being body positive to everyone around me.
Hello, hello. Welcome to the fuel fire solo podcast with your host, Shannon Saffy. Today, I have my friend Miranda Compton on this episode to tell you a little bit more about some insight she has from working in a women's fitting room at Athleta. So this, I actually really love so many conversations that we have together, because she really sees a lot. The fitting room is such a vulnerable place for so many women, and a lot of emotions come out. So she gets into a lot of different things that she's experienced, and learned through this process of supporting women and really empowering them to feel good in what they're wearing, and truly love their body for everything that it is. I'm so happy to share this episode with you guys. Check it out. And leave a review, take a screenshot posted, let me know that you listened to it. I'm so excited to have your feedback, and really hear your takeaways from today's episode. Enjoy. Hello, I am here with Miranda Compton. And I'm stoked to have her on. I've been asking her about this for a little bit now and like plotting it. So I'm glad that it's finally happening. I'm really excited to get to share her perspective and to have her be able to really speak on some interesting things that I feel like, you know, for me when we've had just regular open conversations, it's stuff that never really occurred to me. So I'm really excited to kind of share this insight with people. So they can start to think about things a little bit differently, too. Yeah. So thanks for coming on the show. Miranda, thanks for having me.
Would you like to tell the audience a little bit about yourself outside of your career first time.
So outside of my career, I have 5 million different hats that I wear. But I think really I am 31 years old. 31 is weird to say like, I feel like when I turned 30 It was like I'm 30. And I don't think I was thinking about it. I was like I don't think I've said I'm 31 yet since a turning 31 knocked. It's like no one cares about 31. But I have four kids at 31 years old. And I am engaged to an amazing man named Jesse. I am also a power lifter, which is also weird to say because I don't think I want to be defined as just a powerlifter. Like I love weightlifting in general. But powerlifting is kind of the umbrella I've fallen under most. We also have a fur child. So I guess five kids. Technically, sometimes I like the dog more than the kids. Sometimes, probably all the time, if I'm being honest.
He can't talk back.
But yeah, I think it's interesting. So I was listening to your podcast with Ali. And you were saying like, a lot of times how you describe yourself outside of work falls into what you're most passionate about in work. And so I'm actually like really bubbly and outgoing. A lot of times, I do have some introvert tendencies, I can fall a little bit under both. But like I love connecting with people even outside of work. So like, I'm that person. That's like having an awkward conversation with someone in the grocery store because I saw their shoes. And I just And that's like how we met to was just like, yeah, oh, hey, I see this fire logo on your sweatshirt as you're like in my job. So I just like create these little things to connect with people all the time. And I think it's really important for me in my everyday life to just kind of connect in a world that I feel like is so disconnected. So that's kind of who I am. Yeah, yeah,
I love that description. And it's so true. Like you really are someone that is just so open to connecting really with anyone and really like you bring light to the space no matter what. And that's like really what drew me to you. So background on that story. Basically, I went to Athleta which is referring to works. And I'm just like shopping for some yoga pants because like one of my clients had told me like, oh, I complimented something she was wearing and she's like, I got it from Athleta and I'm like, I never shopped there before. So when I went in, I had I think I came from work so I was wearing like a fuel of fire.
You were wearing a jacket I think hmm, yeah, jacket.
Yeah. And like you were like, Hey, what is that? Are you a fit Pro? Yeah, and then that basically beginner or friendship. And I think I really honestly just started shopping at Athleta. So much and like hardcore loving it because of you. So like, truly, really put me on to it. And you know, of course, like you explaining what the brand represents really made me feel good about my purchases and just being in that space. And like everyone that works there. It's just really cool because it's it really is such a different experience. But I'll let you elaborate a little bit.
That's like my, my thing. I love to educate. Customers come in, and they just want to buy a pair of pants. And sometimes I have to take it to that next level. Like, I think it's like a teaching moment. In every part of that experience. A lot of people think like they're just buying a pair of pants, and they're coming in a store. And it's another store just like the one they were just in probably. But I like to think that we do more than just sell clothes. And me especially I love to teach people about the brand and about what it means. And I'm there. Because I LOVE what the brand stands for. Like I'm not there, like yes, I get paid. And that's a bonus like every other job. But I just love teaching people about the mission of empowering women and girls and the sustainability aspect. How so many like there's such a high percent of our fabrics that are made from recycled materials, which is so cool. And it's like a really rigorous certification that you have to go through to become what's called a B Corp. And then just all the way like through the fitting room process, which I think we've talked about before with women today, like you're so hard on yourself, and you're so vulnerable and going into that fitting room is really a huge mindset thing. And women don't think about that from the larger scale like they think it's them but it's it's all women I see it every single day. As they're in the fitting room. nitpicking themselves like oh my size look big, or oh, I have I have a stomach, I need a long shirt cover my stomach, you don't. Every woman that I've met is so concerned, not every woman but almost every woman is so concerned about what other people will think they look like in the clothes that they're shopping for. Yeah. Which is so so weird. Like, it's just to me, it's like, I love this. So I'm gonna buy this. And I think I've I've grown on this perspective a little bit just from seeing the lard, the big picture of it all. But yeah, I think it's really interesting to see. And the other thing is, there's more than just one woman in that fitting room at a time. So if that woman's nitpicking herself, and she's openly coming out and talking to me about, like, oh, I don't like this, or oh, you know, my arm fat, I have arm fat too. And so like automatically, maybe the other woman across the way from you is then looking at her arms. And it's like a domino effect. And it changes the whole energy of things. So I'm a really big advocate of helping women through that. And helping women be kind to themselves, we do not use the word fat, don't use it around me. You're not fat I or maybe you are and that's totally fine. Like it doesn't like, it's what you're comfortable with. And I think that's really important to kind of let go of like what you think society thinks is acceptable for you to wear. I get very passionate about that I could go on and on.
Yeah, I feel like every time I'm in there, I always have this pause moment where I'm like, Do these people know each other in the fitting room because like, it feels like genuinely a family because this space that you guys create, and there really is like, everyone feels really comfortable. And even just the way you guys show up in the dressing room. Like you can tell you're there to really be honest and support me with how I'm feeling. And, you know, like you're always like, making sure that you're hearing what I'm saying about what I'm wearing or what I'm feeling about the things that I tried on. And you're kind of like, oh, well try this because this will complement your body or the soul. This could make you feel really good. And I think it's really changed the way I feel about the shopping experience as a whole. Because I do think that you know, when I go shopping it either like I either feel like I love everything because I'm feeling so confident about myself that day. Or I feel like everything looks horrible. These I'm not feeling great about myself that day. And so like with Athleta I feel like every time I come in I'm like no matter what I'm gonna have a positive experience, which is what I love because I feel like I always come out feeling like more empowered, which is truly like what really drew me to the brand and I think probably the only place I've shopped in the last night
I really Yeah, I mean, it's really, it just is like that whole vibe back in the fitting room. I like to say I like to keep it like a party, I want to celebrate our bodies, I want to have fun, I want the woman that doesn't know you to like, oh my gosh, that looks amazing on you. I want it to be a very supportive experience back in the fitting room. And so I think that that's really important. And our team, and I always say this is very, like, we're very mindful when we hire people for Athleta. Like, it's not just about she's available when we need her to be available. I like to think that the questions are being asked, like, What drew you to this brand? What do you like about it? You know, even like we volunteer, you know, once a month that an organization, volunteering is important to our brand. So it's like the people that are being hired are very passionate about the brand, also, which I don't think every wear can say they do that. I don't think target target employees just want a paycheck. They're not there to be passionate about target. Although I think everyone's naturally kind of passionate about target and shopping there. But just because you can get everything. But yeah, I think we hire with that in mind. And so all the girls are really close to each other. They all get along really well. We hang out outside of work. It's become like this one big family. And so when we're back and fit, like one of the other girls have come back and she'll be like, Oh my god, I love that. Like, I just bought that the other day. And I wear it with this, this and this and like you have four outfits right there that you were just given that you can try on and you feel good in. But yeah, it's about how you you feel, not what you think other people think you look like. So ageism is a really big thing to like, hold. Yeah, older women. They're afraid of the shorter tops, because they're too old. They say which isn't the case. Like if you're comfortable in it. Brocket. Like there. I've seen pictures of 80 year old women with crop tops on why can't you? It's just a mindset thing. And it's like the societal standards of like, once you're past like 40, you shouldn't wear a crop top anymore. No, I'm literally going to be buried in a crop top. Like, that is my plan. already have it planned out. Hopefully it's on for a very long time. But that is what I'm being buried in a crop top. And biker shorts. probably love it. But yeah, I don't know, I just think you have to get past that and kind of push past your comfort zone too. Which is another thing that happens in fit. Like, I'll be like, Okay, I think this might be out of your comfort zone. But I'm gonna bring it to you anyway, because I think you might really like it. And then we put it she puts it on and she's like, Oh, actually, this color is really great. I didn't think I was gonna like it. It's it's the part of listening to you and what you're looking for, but also taking it to the next level and building on that, like, based off of the things you've liked so far and things that you haven't liked so far. And then like, a little bit of like a risk. Yeah,
I love that space. Yeah, I, I feel like yeah, when I've gone there, too. When you bring me things, it's stuff that I might not have picked up myself. But when I try it on, I'm like, wow, actually, I never thought I would like something like this. But it really kind of gave me just like, I don't know, like a feeling of like freshness and edginess. And like just a little bit more confidence, like genuinely just because I'm like putting myself in these new outfits and, like, to me, like the reason I wanted to have you on here is because it's like something that we do every day, like typically every day like we're getting dressed in some fashion. And we all kind of look at ourselves and have that moment of pause and being like, Okay, do I genuinely feel good in this? Like, is it the outfit that's making me feel this way? Is it me that's making me feel this way, like what's going on here. And it is like a very delicate kind of situation that you're playing with every day. It's so emotional, like the way you feel about yourself. Like there's so many emotions around that and how you dress is like such a key part of that like physical aspect of this that can really affect how you feel internally,
right? You kind of reflect how you're feeling on how you dress to like the colors you choose the if you're not feeling that great, you'll probably choose something baggy or or like something that kind of hide yourself for the day because you're not feeling yourself. But yeah, it's really down to like a reflection of your inner inner feelings to which I think I don't think people think about a lot.
Yeah, I've definitely thought about that more like how I dress and what is it representing thing and something that I kind of noticed is, especially when I order online, I just, it really made me realize the way I'm perceiving myself because I would just Oh always order things like bigger than I thought, right? Like I'll get I'm like, I need a large or an extra large and this because like, my shoulders are so broad, and then it'll come in and I'm like, I look kind of silly because this isn't my size. And like it like, I think it's just, yeah, it really made me reflect a little bit more on like my purchases and like, why am I doing that? Like why? Why do I perceive myself so differently than the actuality of what my body is?
It's it tends to happen with online shopping especially, I feel like there's like a little hint of like body dysmorphia that happens. I hate shopping online. Like I hate it, because I love to touch and feel and like, I also right now don't think you can know your size. Yeah, there's just no way. And I think it's good that companies are getting away from that, like things not all being the same size. It depends on the cut. It depends on the fabric, it depends on like, the textures, sometimes even of the fabric. I like I'm three different sizes that Athleta. And I'm okay with it like, it means that they're putting the thought into how that piece is supposed to look, or how someone may want to look. Because I always say like someone will ask me, Is this true to size? And I'm like, so that that question is very like by your own standards, kind of, because I like my stuff fitted. And I like its height. And so you may not like it that way. So then I'm going to tell you to size up, whereas True to Size to me is fitted. But if you're already thinking you want to size it up, then my true to size is not your true to size. So I get asked that question like eight times a day, like how's this fit? Well, you and I are two very different body types. And so it's not going to fit me like it fits you. So I always encourage people to have that experience in fit for that reason. There are a lot of women that right now are like, Oh, I know my size. I can guarantee you you don't know your size and everything in here, because I've been working for the company for so many years. And I don't know my size and everything. Yeah, you have to try on, you have to see how you like it to fit because you may want to go upsize or downsize. And then I have the women that are terrified to go up a size. Hmm, why do you think that they don't, they don't want to surpass a certain size. And they won't buy it. If they love that that item. And they put it on their body. But they want it to be a little bit bigger. They'll try on the bigger size, but they won't buy it because they don't want to be a bigger size. And that's crazy to me because I'm like it's just a number. It's just a letter doesn't mean anything. No one's looking inside that that shirt to see what size you are. No one cares, you won't. You're the only one that cares. Like people are gonna look at that and be like, Oh, I love that top. I love that color. You know, that looks great on you. Whether it's a size extra small or extra large. So I think that's something that everyone needs to get away from to that number that letter, it doesn't matter.
That is such a big thing. Because I feel like I mean, even with myself definitely in the past where, you know, I think that can kind of equate to a lot of things like there was a lot of numbers and standards, I feel like I held myself to, and no one else like truthfully, no one else probably cared or really noted. But somewhere along the line, it was really conditioned in me that like my value was dependent upon whatever this number or score or size or whatever that thing was, I can think about it was a school where you know, if I like my parents were really strict example. And so like if I got like a 98 They'd be like, Are you kidding? Like you couldn't get 100 Like, so it just everything in my life was very much like that, like it needed to be perfect. And it was just such an unrealistic standard. But it guidance so much for me. And I think it really made me so hard on myself and I critiqued myself in so many ways. And because we live in a western society where logic is like King, I think numbers are a way for people to, like apply logic to things that don't necessarily need to be logical.
No, it's your body. It's literally your body and you can do what you want. I like you said you grew up in a strict family. I grew up in a strict family as well. I grew up in a not and I love my family. But I grew up in a not body positive environment. And if I Hold on a couple pounds, it was verbally like expressed that I put on a couple pounds. And so I think I kind of in a way have my parents to think now because I'm so aware of how much I don't care. It's made me kind of rebel against that childhood that I had and, and like teach my kids that to my daughter's like, I don't ever want them to look at a number or a letter and think it matters. I don't ever want them to feel like they need to be a certain size or they need to lose a couple pounds or gain a couple pounds or whatever. Like I want them to feel confident in their skin. Right now. They are very confident like they were the crop tops. And yes, most people are like, Why do you let your nine year olds wear crop tops? Because they can. And that's a whole nother can of worms that I could go into. But I want them to always wear what they love and what makes them feel good, too. And so I think my childhood was not that way. And I was I had to be covered all the time, we would go to church on Sundays, you would dress up in a nice dress, you could not as a girl, like if I were pants. I was like it was not okay. Like I would be grounded over going to church that day. No way. Yeah, because I wouldn't put on a dress. So I, I like to think now I'm thankful for that. Because like, it opens my eyes to like the importance of being body positive to everyone around me. Like, I don't know, when the woman walks in the door at the store, where she's at with herself, but it's my job to like, make her feel good by the time she leaves. It's not 100% possible, like all the time, but I do the best I can. And I think a lot of times everyone in our store does the best they can to we go through something called body strong certification, like using certain language and verbiage that's okay, like that may not be encouraged versus encouraged. So we're all kind of educated in that, which is also something I don't think a lot of clothing stores do. But yeah, and it's taught me a lot in my outside life too. Again, going back to like the beginning, when I was like who I am outside of work corresponds very well with who I am inside of work. Like when I'm inside of work, you're kind of getting me in a sense, like, but yeah, it's very enjoyable to me to know that I make women feel good about themselves in my job.
I feel like with you saying like, I don't know, where a woman's at when she walks in. I think people need to also know, like, you can't look at someone. And, you know, because, like one thing that I notice, for example, you know, with friends were there were especially like before when I had such a negative perspective on my body. And I was like at my fittest too. And I would still be like, Oh my god, like I don't feel or like I feel sad, or, you know, it's like I would use that's the language that I would use with myself. And my friends would like yell at me, they'd be like, like, rather than being like, hey, like, let's talk about this or like, why do you feel this way? Like? Like, why don't you feel or you know, just like, kind of sitting with you through that it almost be like you don't have the right to feel that way about yourself. And so then it felt like, like, okay, like, Are my feelings not valid? Like, I'm not allowed, you know, it suddenly, I think it made me like push it in even more, because it was like, Okay, I need to hide that I'm struggling with this. Because other people might see it as unfair that I'm struggling in this way because they perceive me to like be athletics, or like, you should just be happy with your athletic body. And it's like, okay, well, that it's not really indicative, just like what I look like isn't indicative of like how I feel about myself. And so I think it's really important to meet everyone with kindness. And if they're feeling a certain way about themselves, that it's not often has nothing to do with how they look and more about how they're perceiving themselves. So I think it's really just important to be mindful to, or like just being mindful about respecting where everyone's at and not making assumptions based off of their appearance or even how they dress or what their choices are. Because maybe there's correlations in some regards to like, ways we might like, or I guess maybe it's more projections where it's like, okay, I dress this way when I feel this way, or I do this thing when I feel this way. But that doesn't mean that's what someone else is thinking or feeling. So I think it's really important to not just like make those assumptions about people.
You have to kind of put yourself not necessarily put yourself in their shoes, but you have to know that you don't know what their shoes look like. Like, it's something like even outside of clothing, like in this world. It's like, okay, this person, like I had a woman yesterday at Costco in line, she was behind us. And she was on the phone and I overheard, like, a brief bit of of the conversation, and then she hung up and she started sobbing. And I was like, no one else in Costco was like, concerned, or like, cared really, like they were all consumed about themselves, or they were staring at her. And, like me being me. Maybe I shouldn't have I turned around, like, are you okay? And she's like, shaking her head. No. And I had heard the bit of conversation. I'm like, I'm so sorry. And she, like, nodded her head to me, but like, was still heavily sobbing. And we get up to like, the self checkout, and she was behind us. And I turned around, I said, you know, if you want, go go ahead of us. We're not in a hurry, obviously, like, you know, you're not okay, so you can go. And she's like, it's okay. She's like, Thank you, though. She's like, I won't be able to drive right now. Anyway. And I'm like, thinking, but she's like, Thank you, thank you so much. And I'm like, Why did no one else care? Like, what like, are we so like, self consumed that like to turn around and like, make sure someone's Okay, is, is weird. It's just crazy to me. So like you like, like you said, you don't know where someone else's at. But it matters, like how kind you are to someone like it really does, like we're trying, we want to raise our kids and our future generations to be kind and make this world better. So like, turn around, talk to that person, be kind to them, you know, and that goes right back to the fitting room being kind or being kind to them in the store. Like, you just don't know, someone could be shopping, because they had a terrible day at work. And they need that, that retail therapy. Like, we always laugh about it, like retail therapy, but it's like a serotonin a little bit. Like it's temporary. It's not permanent. But sometimes people had a really bad day, and they're coming in, and they need that relief. So like, we try to give it to them. And I try to do that outside of work too, is like, I want to have conversations with people I want them to know, like, I want them to feel like someone cares about what they're saying, or what you know what they're doing, or I want them just to feel heard a little bit. I think that's really important. For us as a generation right now,
it's kind of a tough space, because I definitely agree. It's like, we should care more about each other. And it's easy to just get lost in your own your own world. Really. There's the element, like when you initially said that to what kind of came to mind is like, Okay, well, why wouldn't someone stop and say something or support this person? And I think there's a lot of fear around strangers or like interacting with strangers? Yeah, it's almost like we're sort of conditioned to just kind of think, like, Okay, I don't know, this person, there's a degree of this, like not being safe, because I don't know them, right. So just because they're expressing emotion, or maybe it's the right thing to do, to ask or check in how they're feeling. But I'm so afraid of like, is there a consequence that I'm not aware of in this moment? If I were to start a conversation with this person? Or it's like, Does this person really want anyone to talk to them? Yeah. Because sometimes even in my head, like, I might overthink things in these situations where I'm like, what, you know, like, yeah, maybe the right thing is to talk to her, but like, what if that's not what she wants? Or what if, you know, what if this is just how she is like, what if there's nothing actually wrong? Or like maybe she like, wants to talk to me and then steal my purse? Or, you know, it's like, you start to get a little bit
of a fear there. Yeah, yeah. And I did have that split second where where I was, and even Jesse, like, my fiance, he, like looked over at me like, don't do it. Don't do it. Because he's not somewhat like him and I are kind of opposites. He's very quiet. He's very reserved until you get to know him. But like, he has had to deal with me so much talking to strangers that he knows now when I'm about to do it. And we were he and he had overheard the conversation too. And he must have seen my like, facial expression like because I was like shifting my eyes from left to right. And I'm like, do I do I say something? Because I did have that moment like, well, what if she does she wants to be left alone, but I did it anyway. Because that's just who I am. But I do understand like, because Jesse is that type of person to be like No, I'm not interacting. She clearly is not having a good day and wants like probably wants to be left alone. Me. I'm just like, No, I'm gonna insert myself here. Whether I want to or not Um, but I don't know, I just Yeah, I don't have that. Like, I do have a little bit of the fear in a moment. But then I like I'm like, Okay, well, maybe she really needs it. Yeah. So like, I'm willing to take that risk. But it's funny because there are some times where I am, like I said, I have introvert tendencies. So it like, I have to work myself up in my head to do that, for like, a solid, like, minute. And like, we at the store, like we do events, obviously, and stuff like that. And we partner with a lot of people, you've been one of them that we've partnered with before events, like, because I know the date that it's going to happen. I will like have to psych myself up for that day. Like for the whole morning, I'll listen to like happy pumped up music, like all like, I'll think of questions that could possibly come up that day, or like, who I'm going to be talking to that day, and how I'm gonna talk. Or even like doing this podcast, I'm like, thinking about like, what, what could she ask me? Like, what, what could we possibly be talking about? I have like, a little bit of anxiety about that type of stuff. But then as soon as it actually happens it like, I've I've psyched myself up so much and pumped myself up internally that I'm ready for it. And then I go home and I'm like, drained. But it's just I mean, it's it's interesting. Like I've told you before I've menu anxiety. I have to know, the future like to be in control.
Yeah. Yeah, I think it's like so interesting. Because like there is I mean, everyone's so different. But that's what makes life beautiful. And I think opposites attract in that way too. And it's good because we can learn a lot from each other because I'm very much someone that's the opposite of like, the less I know, the better. Because then there's no expectation I just show up and whatever feels good in the moment is like what all follow
me that gives me like heart palpitations. backstory, we, I wanted to go to lunch with Shannon and I like said something to her in advance because I'm a I'm a planner. And like, I am so busy all the time that I have to plan my life out in advance. And so I, she's like, Yeah, and I was like, Okay, I was like, What are you feeling? Like? Where do you want to go? Like instantly making these plans to a place that we can commit to which like, we could just see how we feel. And I'm like, Okay, I was like full disclosure, I'm menu anxiety and have to look at a menu for like days in advance. Yeah. You didn't know what type of chicken wing I'm gonna eat.
Yeah, I like I just love that though. Because I think in that moment, I was kind of like, okay, not everyone just thinks like you do. Like, I can't, you know, she hasn't thought about this. And like, all right, I mean, like, I can make a decision, I guess. So it's like, interesting, but it's good. Because sometimes I like it. Like, it reminds me to be like, okay, like, sometimes you should put thought into things like not everyone, everything should just be you don't have to put that much thought in. Yes, I ruined my marriage proposal by having my new
anxiety for Jessie tries to like, surprise me for dinner, like to take me to the restaurant. So you get proposed at the restaurant. And I was more concerned about like, where he was taking me because he wouldn't tell me I'm like, You're gonna ruin all of this, like I. And I didn't know he was proposing. But I was just like, I need to know where it was our anniversary. So I was like, I didn't know where we're going. I need to know a dress code. Like what what type of restaurant I need to look at a menu and he's like, I'm not telling you. And so I'm like losing my mind. And so during dinner, I was just staring at this menu. And I'm like, I did not have proper time to prepare and the waiter, you know, the waiters come up, and they're like, are you ready? No, I need 48 more hours. Like, I do not think I said that to him to like, sarcastically like, I need 48 more hours, actually. And then I'm sitting there and I'm like, all antsy, like, did I ordered the right choice? And Jesse just thinks I'm having like this miserable time. But no, I'm just really like, anxious about what I just ordered. I ordered chicken on a steak house. Because that's all I figured I could do correctly. And then he didn't propose and he waited till we were home because I looked like I was miserable. But really, it was just all about the food much like most of my life.
Yeah, I think honestly, sometimes those moments like as little as they seem like they're a really good reflection point. I'm like, Why was I so disgruntled? What's really going on here?
That was not a serious problem. And food is never a serious problem to have for me and it always is a major issue at restaurants.
Today, it happens. I feel like my decisiveness I've really been one working on over the years because I think before, because I would just be like, I don't care because like Anything's fine. Yeah, like, this attitude of like, just whatever. But now I've been trying to really practice just being like, okay, like, what is my body asking of me right now? Like, what genuinely lights me up? Like, let me not second guess myself on this decision? Because I feel like I see that a lot in women where we like choose something and then we're like, Wait, hold on, like, maybe not like, what about this? And then we're like, we asked someone else? And like, what do you think? And it's like, with little stuff that it shows up in a lot of things. And it comes back to like something really foundational where it's just like this. You know, like, it seems so small. But sometimes it's just like, Am I just like not trusting myself here, like what's going on?
That's an interesting way to look at it. Because that could be it. Like just going back and forth. So many times, when really, it's probably and most of the time, it is like the first choice that I had. I spent days going back and forth that I ended up choosing the first thing that I wanted.
They say that I like house shopping, too. They're like, Oh, you know, you might look at a bunch of different things. And then most people end up going back to the first thing that they looked at. So on. Yeah, that I mean, I think it's also like a societal thing to where we're kind of like taught that. You know, like, there's a positive about like, trusting that there is something better in the same like, I think you can also be a double edged sword where then we get stuck in the like, wanting to write something else off, because maybe this thing actually isn't the best. So like, let me go looking for something better. Yeah. And then sometimes it's it's more of like an internal thing, or it's just like, okay, am I really looking for something better? Or is it something different? That's like really going on underneath this, like indecision, or not being able to commit to it? Or something like that?
Yeah. You always make me think deeper about things.
it is internal.
Like, this is all honestly, like, my sister like teases me sometimes, because she'll just be like, Shannon, this is her phrase with me. She's like, Dude, you're deep in it. You are like, like, this is something she says about a lot of things. Because like, I'll take these little things and suddenly, like, have this like, profound realization.
I could see.
Just like, Why do you always do this? Like, I can't I just, this is how my brain operates. And plus, I do spend a lot of time like sitting in reflection, like more than most humans probably do. And it's there are times where I have to be like, okay, dudes, yeah, stop being so like you're making, it's sometimes things just are like, you don't have to analyze everything. So it's like I you know, it's like, I overthink things, too. It's like, we all do it in different ways.
I wonder like, Do you think there's a difference between reflection and overthinking
a difference, but yeah, like what like,
do you think at a certain point, you've left reflection and you've gone into overthinking? Yeah, yeah. And
it's like, it's funny, because I notice, like, physiological signs of it. So that's like my first like, Hey, you're getting too deep, because like my body, and it's funny, because if I really think too hard on something, I will actually give myself a headache. Like, I will feel tension in my head.
I mean, I've done that with things too. But usually, it's yeah, it's like I'm planning something and I'm stressed or like, and I put so much thought into it, then I have a throbbing headache.
And yeah, I think it just becomes something where the more you do it, the more you like, notice your own pattern. So now it's kind of like if there's anything I plan. It's like movement and like things where I'm just not in my head, and I'm just fully in my body. Yeah. So I make sure that every day I have something planned, where it's like, I'm just in my body, whether that's like going on a walk, or like dancing or going to a yoga class or working out or like exercising, usually, like that kind of movement. It reminds me like Hello, like, come back into your body, you're in your head too much. So this way, it's kind of like preventative measures. It's like, I know if I do this thing, because this takes x amount of time. I'm less likely to be overthinking. Yeah, sure. Some days I slip into it, but like, it's also just having that consciousness to know and like observing the signs because I'm like, Okay, notice that I do this thing. Here. I see the tendency, like where what are the signs so that I can alert myself if I start to slip into that, because like with anything, you're not going to be 100% perfect all the time about knowing like, oh, like you'll like, I can't sit here and be like, I'm never gonna overthink again, because I know the signs of when I started to slip into it. It's more of like having the awareness to know when I'm starting to walk down that path and caring enough to see the signs and pay attention to them and actually listen to them and pull myself back. Yeah, for sure.
I'm definitely an over thinker in a lot of ways, which is I think like weightlifting, for me, is my outlet. Like, that's how I escape. And like, it's it's just my body. Like, it's not a thought process type of thing. It's not something I need to think about a lot. Like with four kids, my life is so chaotic and busy, and it's about so many other people all the time for me, that escaping that is like, so healthy, like people think like, I'm obsessed with weightlifting, I'm not like that is for me, like a lot of people like, oh, you always have to work out. I'm not doing it to lose weight. Yes, it's healthy for me. But also it's my me time like it is my, my escape. It's it's where I don't have to think about like, Okay, this kid did bad on a test, or, Oh, I have this much this many dishes to do when I get home and laundry needs to be done. And I have to take the dog for a walk yet. But also, you know, we're planning these three events for work. And I have to reach out to this partner, this partner and this partner, and it just like spirals, so much. So that hour to two hours that I'm in the gym is like, so peaceful, like I have I took PTO this week to like be off from work. And I'm like, I am spending so much time at the gym. And I literally am like giddy about it. Because I can't wait to like lock myself in there and just enjoy it. And I may not even be like working out the whole time. But it's just quiet and it's for me and it's not consumed by like the hustle and bustle of my normal like my other things going on in my life. So like I've heard you say before, like movement, regardless of what it is, is so important for your your mental state to I 150% agree with that, like, it is just so important, I would be a hot mess, I am sort of a hot mess. And it like in a lot of ways. But like I would be a really hot mess if I didn't have like lifting, lifting and a support system, like of my friends, like I would be a mess.
Yeah, I was just listening to something this morning that like, and it's something that I've studied before, when I got a little bit like I had this tangent of where I was like, really into studying Buddhism, for whatever reason, it just like, I was really intrigued by a lot of the principles. And this kind of reminded me like she was talking about like, the different bodies that we have, because in Buddhism and like spiritualism, they think of it as like you have your emotional body, your physical body, your mental body and your mind are weighed and no emotional, physical, spiritual and mind to these four bodies. And it's like Life is like a balance of taking care of those four bodies into like, you can't not take care of one and then just think like, okay, you know, if I'm really great at these three, I don't really need to be good. It's like, it's really not like that you have to nurture each one of those. And naturally, you're going to spend more time in one of those bodies for whatever reason, like it could just be your innate being where, you know, this one's more natural to you, or this one is like how you were conditioned to focus on and like, You're conditioned to neglect this one or, you know, whatever it might be. But I really love that perspective. Because it just kind of like changes the way you sort of approach things and like, gives you permission to take care of certain things that may be throwing it back to Western society. And it's like the spiritual body and the physical body don't seem to have the proper importance that I think that they really deserve. Well, I mean, honestly, like, I think Western society, like makes you think that like, the mental body is the most important thing. Like we are very much in our heads in this country. And it's like very normalized to be. And it's almost like, like, I feel like, especially the more I got into this, the more like judgment, I would feel with certain people being like, why do you feel the need to, like, spend so much time in your spiritual body? Like why do you feel like, you know, is it healthy, that you're deciding to spend so much time on your physical body, and I think really overtime, it just why I do what I do shifted. So it's like maybe before spending a lot of time in my physical body for the wrong reasons. But like, it's also like, like, even though I was doing things for my physical body, I wasn't actually nurturing my physical body. I think that's like a really important distinction to make. Because before like, I would just, I was exiting my physical body so that I could beat myself up and like, do however I wanted to perform in a competition, like I was literally being like, Okay, I'm gonna ignore all of the pain that I'm feeling so that I can perform. And now it's like, no, like, you're gonna pay attention to every little thing that your body says and you're gonna keep strengthening that and nurturing that rather than like disconnecting from it, which is really what I was doing. So I guess it's probably a better way to put it rather than like spending too much time in it. It's more it was more about just like, I was not actually nurturing it. it like I was paying attention to it a lot, but I wasn't actually honoring it. And so that the same goes for all of the all four of those quadrants where, yeah, ignoring certain ones in light of others, and really just coming back and be like, Okay, I have to look at all four and like, find the right balance for myself.
We've talked about that before, like, where we've both been in similar like, like, so focused on the physical aspect, that it's not actually healthy at all. Like, I think back to like, five years ago, when I was like not eating anything. And you've talked about it before. And I've related so hard to it. I wasn't being competitive at that point. But I lost so much weight. Like I was getting out of an unhealthy marriage, and I decided I was gonna take that up in the gym. And so I really became obsessed with it, though. And I wasn't eating enough to nourish that type of physical activity. And so then I was just like, nothing. And it's funny, I used to think I was so strong, but I look at myself now. And I'm like, No, I'm so much stronger now than I was. And I'm, I'm healthy now. Like, I was miserable mentally. And I was just beating myself up in the gym, not eating the right foods, like not eating enough at all. And I was like, my thinnest, and my lowest weight, but it wasn't a good thing. And so now, like you just said, like, you kind of learn and I like to say it's like the, the, the well being, like, it's the balance of like you said that Mind, Body Spirit. It's got to all come together and you have to kind of pour into each glass. So that, like you overall are a healthy well being.
Yeah, just the way I define healthy has shifted so much. And I think it's like it can kind of be a trigger word for a lot of people. Because we associate healthy with certain things societally, like I feel like a lot of people when they hear the word healthy, they think of it like, low calorie low shower. So yeah, like all these things that like are unappealing. It's like the word healthy almost has a like feeling to it. It's like, Oh, it must not be enjoyable, because it's not all. Yeah. And so it's kind of like no, you like we all have to care about our health. Because what are we without our health? Yeah, like this is a gift that we were given like this, like meat suit. I love when people call it that. Like, this is what I have to live in. And so I have to like, take care of it. Yeah. Like, ultimately, I can't do anything if this body is not nourished properly. And so I think, yeah, just kind of like redefining that word. Or I mean, it's almost a word. Sometimes I feel like I stay away from certain people or in certain situations, because I don't want it to have that stigma. But it's also like, it's what else is it? If it's not that?
I like to use the word wellness? Yeah. And that's why I say well being like, wellness is, I think covers a lot of bases. So and I don't think it doesn't trigger people like healthy does, like you were saying, like, I think wellness is a good terminology for it. Yeah,
because even when I hear it's like healthy, it's like, there's a little bit of charge. But when you say wellness, it's like, oh, my mind can also relax. You think
that mind body spirit, I think when you say wellness? Yeah,
yeah, that's really true. I did prepare Miranda with questions because she did requested. And we asked one question and
they off track. Yeah.
But I always I literally every person that's been a guest. So far, I've given them that fair warning, or like, Listen, I've gave giving you these questions. So you can start to like think and I know it's like helpful for people that want to prepare. I'm like those
of us that have like a little anxiety, creeping anxiety.
But hey, I mean, I'm like, Yeah, realistically, you're just be honest, we might not talk about any of these things. Like it always constantly, we
went down a lot of different avenues.
Yeah, but I love it, because it's just kind of like stream of consciousness. And it's just like a moment, these conversations are great, because it just takes your brain down a path that you know, and like, that's why I love just making space in your day. Because like, when you're so busy doing other things or like following a structure, sometimes we forget to like, play outside of that and see what comes up. Because I feel like a lot of the magic is in what's outside of routine and structure. And so even if like, it's structured freedom, that's still really good, where you're like, wait for this hour, I'm just not going to, like I'm going to do whatever I feel like doing an hour. And it's kind of like a practice of like surrender and letting go and getting comfortable with that and seeing what comes up and seeing like, is there something something that I'm missing? Like, where does my brain want to take me when I give it space? And so like, yeah, that's how I feel about these conversations, because it's like, you just let it flow or wants to flow and usually like, you have these profound moments where you're like But I don't know where that came from. But I was so good like that, that really hit.
I'm happy any chance I get to talk to you to be honest, like, I just love I always think I can't I walk away and I take a deep breath. And I'm like, I feel like I just had therapy. Like, I didn't like we just talked.
Yeah. I love that. So sweet. Likewise, like, I mean, I mean, have I ever on you, I'm like, Oh, this just feels like great. Because, you know, honestly, like, it was like, I had like, a girl crush on you, because you were like, so confident in yourself. And I was like, Oh, my God, like, I want to be around this, like, I really want to, like, feel the energy she's feeling. And I think naturally, that's kind of what we do. You know, I was telling someone about this, like, kind of in your adult life, it's almost like weird to make friends or like, you know, it almost feels like it's supposed to be orchestrated in some way for it to be okay. But it's like, you want to be friends with people that you're drawn to. And you're usually drawn to them, because they're embodying some kind of energy that like feels really good. And that you also want to embody within yourself. And so it's like, it might be for like opposite reasons. But that's why they say like, opposites attract, because it's like, oh, like, I see light in you that I also want to embody and UCLA and me that you want to embody so then it's just a feel good.
I think I love that you're like carefree. And like you do you have these profound moments like, and they come so easily to you. And I'm like, I'm sitting here and I'm like, Alright, so Monday through Friday for dinner. Have that like you? I've said this before, and I've had other people say this to me, and I've told you this already, but you're the only one that can get me to like meditate. Like actually meditate. I tried it during COVID I could not do it. I've tried it since COVID. I could not do it. But like the only times I'm able to is with you. And I've had other women say that to like were that they've experienced, like meditating with you at a event we had. And you led the meditation. And she was like, I was actually able to meditate. She was like, I never can. I was like, she has that effect on me too. But it really is, it's like funny when you make friends at this age, I almost feel like they become better friends than some of like your childhood friends. Because you know who you are at this age like internally like you kind of, I don't know what the future holds for me, like as far as a job or anything like that. But like, as far as my values and like what I stand for, I feel very sure. And so I feel like the people I surround myself with are very, it's very purposeful. Yeah. And so I know like, and I'm one of those people like, even though I'm an over thinker, and like, I have anxiety, I go off vibes of people too. So like, instantly, I can kind of tell if this person's giving me a good vibe. Or if I'm like, I need a little more time, or like a bad vibe. Like I just go off of those energies and be as like talking with Jessie recently, because he was saying he doesn't have a lot of like, friends. And he's not good at making friends because he's reserved. And I was thinking about men. And I'm like, men really just don't do things the same way women do. Like he's like, Well, what do you like, I was telling him to go hang out with like one of my friends, husbands. And he was like, Well, what are you like, what do you I don't know him? And I'm like, Yes, you ask some question. Like, like, I was like, you notice their shoes like you like your shoes, say cool shoes, where did you initiate a conversation? He's like, Well, where do I go from shoes. And I'm like, you really just are making this really complicated. And it doesn't have to be like I meet so many women every day and I connect with them over like nothing a logo on a jacket, which is how this conversation how this all started. But yeah, it's just funny. Like, you're just, I don't know, you just have to start by like connecting with people.
I love that I think gave you lots of juicy goodness, we're gonna end on that. No, Miranda, if people really loved hearing you speak and hearing your perspective, where can they find you so that they can continue to learn more about you,
you can find me Athleta always at the promenade shops. You also can find me on Instagram. My handle is old, but it's and fitspiration 1028 Because I started a fitness journey and it has become a very mental and physical journey for me. And now I'm starting to lean into a little bit of spiritual side of things to just to like, like we said, balance it out. So you can find me on Instagram to
eautiful and we'll link that in the show notes so you can tap in. She works at the Athleta in socking Valley in is that technically Allentown right it's center Valley Center valleys close to out. Yeah, yeah. Just in case someone from across the country or the world is. That's okay. Perfect. Awesome. Thanks so much for coming on the show. I love it. Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. If you're enjoying listening to this podcast, I have a special gift for you. If you leave a review, and send me a screenshot, I will send you something personally in the mail, just to show you how much I appreciate your help in helping me spread the empowerment across the world and showing other women the magic that they have within themselves just the same way you do, babe. If you're enjoying this episode, then I would love it if you took a screenshot and posted it on your story on Instagram, and tag me at fuel the underscore fire. Let's have a conversation about it. Let's chat about it. I love to hear your thoughts and your feedback. I'm here to support you in any way that I can. I love you guys so much. And I'm excited to keep coming at you with some new guests new information and new techniques to keep blowing your mind and making you feel invincible. Thanks for listening. Love you bye