Episode 5 of the Fuel the Fire Podcast hosted by Shanon Safi, RD, LDN.
It can be hard to hold your head high and brush off other people’s words, especially from those close to you. In this episode Shanon and Cat talk about how they handle unwarranted opinions in life and how to not let it deter your progress or mentality. And in turn, how can you offer an opinion or advice without it being perceived as a negative?
In this episode we talk about: Understanding the reasons people give out their opinions (04:50) Providing helpful advice though venting; subconsciously seeking validation and active listening (11:17) How to navigate receiving and giving advice when it’s those close to you (18:36) Why we seek opinions and figuring out what we need (27:20) The rundown (33:35)
Like, I'm not gonna lie, I like, wanted to cry in that moment, because I was like, I don't need one more opinion about how I'm living my life. I'm over all of you humans. Yeah, that's how it felt.
Hello, hello again. Welcome to episode five of the Fuel Fire Soul podcast. Today you are with the two hosts, Shannon Safi and Kathryn Grimes. No. We're working on not saying me. It needs introduction. It's important. We didn't do that last episode, so I'm really proud of our progress. We did it. This is all for our fans.
All for the fans. I'm just kidding, guys. It feels weird to say we have fans. People that also want to hear the words that we're saying. On that note, enough of the awkwardness. Let's get into today's topic. We are going to talk about unwarranted opinions. Everyone's least favorite thing on the planet. Yes, I have very recently.
Just experienced this, so I think it's a good topic, um, to get into, especially like, well, right now it's December, so definitely the holiday season, and being around family that might give you advice or opinions that you really don't care to hear. Yeah, let's, let's just have a moment of venting. So, Catherine, let's start with you.
Let's give them a really good, unwarranted opinion, situation to someone that they know. Isn't listening to this episode. Definitely not listening at all. So I don't care at all about saying this. I'm not going to say who it was still, but someone close to me will just say that I was with them. And. They said to me, like, I think they were comparing me to my, my competition prep self, which, you know, we already talked about how unrealistic that lifestyle is.
So we were talking about like pants and she got a pair of pants and wanted me to try them on. And I tried them on and I was like, no, they, they definitely do not fit me. And she's like, wow, are you, are you gaining more weight than you? Really want to be gaining right now. And I was like, she's like, you were so skinny.
I'm like, are you kidding me? Worst thing you could ever say. So, I mean, That it just kept building to like it was like word vomit where like they were trying to correct the problem And it just kept getting worse. It was like just stop talking like you were so skinny You looked so good. Like what happened?
I'm like, oh my god Stop stop speaking. So that you know I kind of put a boundary up there and I like kind of brushed it off and I don't know if that was me even like a few months ago, I probably would be spiraling out of control, but I just kind of, I brushed it off this time, which is good. And I think that's something that we're going to talk about in this episode, kind of how to.
Brush off or kind of take those unwanted opinions. But yeah, I could not believe I was so mad That they said that so here we are. We'll talk about that today. But have you had a recent similar experience? Wow. Yeah, I, I was feeling, you know, honestly, the reason that I was like, yeah, let's talk about this is because I, I don't know if it's normal if everyone experiences a lot of unwarranted opinions.
I know we all experiencing it, experience it, but wow, do I sometimes feel like I receive a lot of unwarranted advice and opinions just by like having a business and just. Doing a thing for a living that everyone does like being someone that teaches people about food. Everyone has It's an opinion to offer on how to talk about food and like what I should tell people and stuff like that.
Because everyone this day and age, I don't want to say everyone, that's really, that's a terrible term to use, like many, many humans have strong opinions on nutrition and like what you should be doing, what you shouldn't be doing. I'm trying to think of like a juicy one, you know, honestly, the one that like really fired me up was probably when I was in a really fragile state.
When you are experiencing a lot of stress, an unwarranted opinion. Will definitely just, mm, it will make that moment so terrible. Snub all a little bit. Yeah. Like, I'm not going to lie. I like wanted to cry in that moment because I was like, Oh, I don't need one more opinion about how I'm living my life. Huh.
I'm over all of you humans. Yeah. That's how it felt. And honestly, it was like with releasing this podcast, a lot of people were telling me I should do this. I should do this. And like, you should really have done this. And I think. This would be good. And like, while I do really appreciate feedback and advice, I think there's a moment.
And we're going to talk about this, like, how to appropriately offer advice, so we're going to talk about both sides of this, but like, how do you give an opinion or share an opinion without it coming off painful to the other person? Because I think we also need to acknowledge that, like, unfortunately, I might have given some unwarranted opinions in my day.
Absolutely. We all kind of do it accidentally. We're not realizing how it's going to land on the other person, so I think... It's important to acknowledge, like, the appropriate way to do it, and then you kind of see that in other people, and you kind of acknowledge, like, okay how to deal with it is, like, step one is realizing that this person is giving you advice for a reason, so when I reflect back on the people that have recently given me unwarranted advice that made me want to cry and feel really sad, um, I think part of it was, like, You know, one person I do feel it was just like speaking from their ego, like they wanted to feel super relevant and feel like, wow, I have something to offer the world and something to offer you.
And I want to feel like you need my help, so I'm going to share this with you so that it makes me feel good about myself. So I acknowledge like that's probably where that person was coming from. Another one, I think there's just, you know, we all know people that just always need to put. Like, just always need to give you input on regardless of what you're doing.
And that's another thing where I think, I think that comes from a place of, like, lack of self awareness. Maybe, like, where it's like, okay, you know, sometimes we just want a good job. That's all you really want. Or like, hey, that's awesome. Or, oh, look at you. Trying something new or, you know, taking this leap.
And instead they want to tell you like how to do it, why you should do it this way and what they think. And it's like, okay, take a step back. Like I'm going to do it. Like I already have resources that I'm using. And yeah, that person might just be saying it because that's just their personality where they just tend to be someone that always has to have some kind of say, or some kind of word.
I think the people that. Give a lot of unwarranted advice, or also the people that are stereotypically one uppers, you know, someone that's always like, you did this. Well, I did this. And I think, again, I, I acknowledge that a lot of these like unwarranted opinions can come from a good place from the other person, but sometimes it can just come from a damaged ego, someone just feeling the need to feel important.
But either way, these unwarranted opinions, while I think it's easy in the moment, like I said, I like literally wanted to cry when I received unwarranted opinions just because it was just too much at one time. I think, yeah, it's like easy to kind of take that really personally, but usually it's really not a personal thing.
And so, yeah, you're allowed to feel what you're feeling. So in that, in that moment, I was like, I'm just going to cry this one out. Like, cause I know this made me upset and it was just a buildup and I need to release this and talk about this with someone that I trust. And just kind of like vent, and then from there I can take space once I get my emotions out, step away from the situation, might take me a day, two days.
Then I can reflect on it and kind of say like, okay, this is where that person was coming from. And then as unwarranted opinions come up again, further in the future, it's something where they're not going to affect you. And hopefully they make me cry less when I start to realize, you know, truly the place where they come from.
I don't think I looked at life as deeply as I do now, but that depth has helped me make peace with situations that typically would make me cry. So yeah, I think that that's part of step one with how to deal with some of it. I think kind of just like understanding where the other person is coming from.
Yeah. And I think like a lot of the times. It's the other person, like, if they're saying something negative to you, or it's coming from a bad standpoint, like, of, oh, you can be doing this to be better. Like it's coming from their limitation a lot of the time. So it's kind of like, kind of a reflection of, all right, well, that was hard for me to do.
So it's going to be like hard for you to do kind of thing. So, you know, kind of understanding, like, it's hard to step back and think of the other person's point of view or why they're saying those things, so I think kind of realizing that it's usually like a reflection of a limitation of their own self.
Yeah, I do think people can You know, like we're sometimes limited in that scope where we're just going to make those assumptions just naturally kind of saying, like, you said, okay, this is something that I struggled with, or it's something that I'm currently struggling with. A lot of the times it's something that they're stressed about.
So now they're projecting that fear or stress onto you. And it's all subconscious. It's not like they're choosing to project something onto you. But if there's person is like. Hey, it looks like you gained some weight. They're probably overly conscious about themselves and that's just like a truth and a lot of those matters.
So next time, like pay attention guys to like when someone gives you unwarranted advice, that thing. More often than not, it's something that they're a little subconscious, like, self conscious about, like, and this is in the case of when someone just like comes out and says something, and then the other hand of it is like, say you're having a conversation with someone, this is a little bit different, so you're explaining something to someone that you're concerned about, and then they start to give you advice, and so like, we'll, we'll talk about it as like venting, so like one is just like, Hey, out of the blue, I'm just giving you an opinion that you did not ask for just because I felt the need to give you my opinion.
And then the other one is venting. So the advice that you get when you're venting to someone about something. So this is probably more likely a person that you have some trust with. And I think a lot of times with that one, you don't even really. Realize that they're giving you an unwarranted opinion or advice.
I think it's kind of like, we feel frustration, but we don't really know why we feel frustrated. Before, before I get into that, I feel like Kat looks like she had something to add on to the unwarranted opinion from the start. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. Your face looks like I feel so quizzical right now.
Oh, I, yeah, no, I have stuff to add to like, down the line of like. The venting thing. I think that's where my, my, my eyes tweaked a little bit. I've got a little glimmer in your eye, a little glimmer, spark of hope, but it's like, kind of taking, I don't know if it's exactly how you were saying it, but like, if you are kind of someone like me personally, I'm.
Always looking for someone's like approval or something like, what decision do I make? I'm indecisive. I am an indecisive person. So I think that's kind of where it was like, Oh, the venting thing. Like if I vent to someone, I want them to tell me what to do. So it's like, okay. Like that kind of is how like.
What's it, where do I go? Like, do I do this or do I do that? And like, I think that's when you're venting, you don't realize that a lot of people are going to give you that opinion too. So it's like, okay, if you, if you're like me, you have to realize who you're venting to. So it's like, all right, is that, do I want to vent?
To Shannon, my dietician, about my financial status, like, that kind of thing, like, you have to have certain people in your life to kind of have those separate things to vent about or talk about, and you want opinions from certain people, so like, just keeping that in mind, I think that's where my eye, like, glimmered, but, yeah, so kind of going with that, the venting thing.
Yeah, and say you're the receiver of the vent, like, I think. So like, when you are venting about something, I think ultimately, most of the time, 99 percent of the time, we're actually just seeking validation. So, this is terrible. I'm going to have to send... Jamie, the book to put in the show notes shout out to Jamie.
She edits all of our podcasts. She's a superstar and I don't know, maybe one day she'll put the embarrassing bloopers that we talked about in the beginning when we're trying to figure out stuff, but yeah. So, this book, it's a really good, it might literally be called like validation. I'm not a hundred percent sure.
But yeah, like I said, I'll link it later, but it talks a lot about how, like, when someone is venting, a lot of the times that relief comes from giving that person validation. So even though, when we go to people, and again, like this probably isn't in your conscious thought, but now that you, now maybe it's conscious because I said it, you'll kind of pick up on it and then you'll be able to provide that for other people.
So it kind of goes into how when you're venting about something, you just want someone else to kind of like understand you. Or just like validate whatever emotion you're experiencing with this subject. So for example, if I'm like, oh my god, like, I, like my, ugh, like my dog just died and like, then suddenly like, you know, I'm having a squirrel with this girl at work and then, you know, just like a buildup of stuff and I'm just like rattling off things and I'm like, I'm just going through a terrible storm of all these terrible things and then someone's like, Yeah, maybe you should go to therapy.
Like, I'm gonna reject that so hard. I'm gonna be like, did you even listen to what I just said? Like, you're just gonna come out with some advice. And then I'm gonna feel like you didn't hear me because, you know, there was no active listening that was just like, you know, all you, you're just basically invalidating my experience and making me kind of like push myself back and be like, why did I even share this?
Like, you know, like, maybe I shouldn't express my emotions and my feelings because People just think I'm crazy for saying that because you told me to, like, you know, you just like wrote me off and like gave me advice without really like feeling what I'm feeling. So like, maybe on the other side, even if like, maybe you never had a dog and maybe you don't have to worry about having fights at work and like, that's not something you've ever experienced.
You can still validate that person's emotions. You can just kind of say, wow, I'm really sorry that you're going through that. That must be so difficult. I can't fully understand it because I've never been through that, but I can imagine how heavy that must feel. And like saying something like that, just like validating their experience makes that person feel so much lighter because, you know, you're never going to say this and like have the person be like, Angry or more upset like they're just kind of most likely they're gonna be like, yeah, like, it's not like it feels so heavy or maybe I think you also want to be careful of this.
You don't want to put an emotion on them. That is false. But I think that's okay because at least, even if you are wrong, say you're like, oh, wow, you must feel like really frustrated. And they might pause and be like, I mean, I wouldn't say it's frustration, but then now you're like, this person is feeling like, oh, I'm being listened to.
They're trying to understand me. And I think we all just want to be like a little more understood too. So I think that it's like another really important part of like, again, like receiving that Like if you're on the receiving end of the event. Yeah. Yeah. And just kind of, it's a, it's a skill and it's like a kind of realization you have to come to of like, all right, this person you know, I don't know.
They might not even trust you. I don't know. Maybe it's just a random person. I've had people come in for the first time and just break down and like, there's a lot of emotion there. So you have to be on the receiving end and understand, like to understand how to interpret that too. Yeah, so I would say when it comes to that and like, you know, I think like even if you're venting to someone, I think it's appropriate to even say, Like, especially if you're conscious of it, just be like, hey, I'm not looking for advice.
I just kind of need to vent. So I think it's totally appropriate to preface it with that, especially if you're talking to someone. And I hate to like say men, because I think women do it too. I think. Men typically we see as like problem solvers, but, you know, again, like if you're opening up the door to like venting I think a lot of people feel like, oh, they're giving me a problem.
I need to provide a solution. I think kind of like taking a step back and kind of realizing like. Yeah, like, you know, you can be really clear with what your needs are right in the beginning of the conversation and that's just going to change the energy of it because now you're like, okay, I'm making it really clear with what I want so that this person can adequately provide me with that.
Because sometimes, I mean, advice givers and unwarranted opinion givers really aren't typically conscious of the effect of what they're doing. And like I said, like, we've all probably done it. So it's like we did not realize how this could have been. Taken by someone or how the fact that like, you know, this person's coming to us and we just basically told them that we are like, yeah, we're not really showing them that that we understand what they're feeling, but now that you kind of know, again, you can make that.
Shift there. So I think like another maybe good example. I'm trying to think of another thing. I'm like blanking. I know. I just kind of went off on a tangent. That's okay. I do that a lot. Yeah. No, that's all right. But I think like kind of reeling it back to like, What do you do? What do you do? In that sense, where someone just said something that kind of threw you off, like that one comment I recently got, it's like in that moment, the one thing you want to do is first, I think, realize like that is probably a reflection of how like some, some part of their limitation.
And from there it's like, if you're experiencing like an emotion, like you were saying you were really upset, so you just felt the sadness. And you like cried it out. So the next time it would happen, like it kind of wouldn't be as harsh, I guess. But like, what other ways do you feel like you can deal with like the unwanted opinions of maybe family or friends?
Like, where do you feel like the biggest part of like understanding that is? If you're receiving it, I think one big thing, because again, like, a lot of times it's from people that we really care about and want to continue to have a relationship with. So it's not like everyone that gives you an unwarranted opinion, you need to just like exile from your life.
Yeah, definitely. I think opening up a conversation about it or just being in the moment and saying like, first, appreciating them for their efforts. So like, I think appreciation, step one, because you want the message that you're trying to send to be well received. So I would say something like. I appreciate you trying to give me advice.
I know that you really care about me and that makes me feel really good. Mm hmm. So like, that's like statement one, part one of the sentence. When you segue into expressing that you don't actually want the advice, you don't want to make your next word be the word, but. Because with us, when we hear, I appreciate you, but, we're like, automatically like something negative is about to come out of your mouth.
So I think that already just kind of like negates the fact that you just gave them appreciation. So I think this is really key, this transition word in here. So I can say like, oh, I really appreciate the advice, and I know you really care about me. I think that in this moment, what would best help me is if you can just sit with me in this feeling or, you know, like, share with me something that you've experienced.
So I think then just going right into, this is what I would really appreciate from you as well, or like, this is what would really help me right now. Because then they're like... Oh, like I gave you advice because I wanted to help you. So if you're telling me this is what's going to help you, of course I want to do it.
Because look at how much you've just, or like you've just showed me that you appreciate my help. So I think that's a really good way to kind of like shift that with the person without making it be a fight. So you don't want to be like, I didn't ask for your opinion. That's not going to help. If you just yell at them and say like that, you know, you're, you're going to end up in a fight or you're going to end up with some awkward tension and that's not what we want.
So I think kind of, you know, again, step one, show appreciation. Step two, give them a way to continue to help you in a way that you need it. But I think what's really important is understanding what it is that you do need. So if you don't know what to ask for, I think it's like. You need to take some time for reflection and understand, like, okay, what does make me feel good?
And I think reflecting back on situations where, oh, like, this was a time that I felt upset, and I went to this person, and this is what they did, and I really liked that. So getting that in your brain and saying, like, this is a situation that I like, When I'm in a situation of receiving an unwarranted opinion that made me feel uncomfortable, this is how I can ask for the help that I need, or whatever it might be.
So you can, and you can totally just say like, I, you know, I just, it really helps me if you, if you just listen or whatever, you know. But say, okay, like, let's talk about another scenario. Have you experienced someone that comes to you with the same problems, and the same problem just never goes away for this human?
Yeah, definitely. Yeah. So this one I think is sometimes challenging, because... This is a situation where you're like, wow, I care about this person that keeps talking about the same problem. And they face this problem over and over and over again. And I think, again, our natural reaction is like, dude, you've come to me this for like a million times.
Like, just do this. Like, we were like, just want to shake them. So if you do have advice that you want to give and you want it to be well received. The first thing you need to do is ask permission to give the advice. Mm hmm. Because now you're saying, wow, I respect whatever state that you're in right now, and I'm going to ask you in this moment, would, hey, like I, you know, again, you already kind of like validated their experience at this point, so you want to step one, validate.
Tell them that you understand what they're feeling, or if you don't understand, you can also say that. I can't exactly relate. But maybe this situation was similar and I felt really sad in this situation. Is that something that you feel like you're going through? So you can kind of like get to that validation one way or another.
Once you validated what they're feeling, then all you have to say is like, you know, I've been through something like this. Would you be open to me giving you some advice on this situation? Or if you've never been through it, you can say, I can't exactly relate, but I've been through something similar.
Would you be open to hearing what I did in that situation? Maybe it's something that you could use. So I think asking permission to give the advice is really good. Because that person then has the choice to accept it or decline it. So if this person knows that they don't want to hear your opinion, then they can say, This is not, like, I, maybe in the future, I will want this advice, but not at this time.
I think that's a really valid response, or if they're like, And like, yeah, no feelings are hurt. Yeah. In that situation. Mm hmm. Or you can say like, yeah, actually, you know what, like, I've been needing some help and no one's really given me solid advice that works for me. Mm hmm. I think that makes it so much better and like, you're a little bit more connected and that person feels a little more respected with their feelings.
So as silly as that is, if you do have advice. Ask before you give it. It sounds so silly, but it's so simple and it just shifts the energy of the conversation completely. Mm hmm. Yeah, and like another way I've heard this be worded is like, all right, if someone's venting to you, if it's like a really close friend even or a family member or something like that, you know, or partner or whatever, and they're, they come home and they're venting and stressed and all this stuff, you can kind of ask.
Are you looking for a solution, or are you looking for support? That too, like that can save a lot of arguments that might happen. So like, alright, are you looking for like a solution, which might be some of your advice that might be spiraling in your head? Or just like support. Do you just need comfort here?
Do you just need me to be here to listen? You know, and that itself could be, you know, solving a lot of problems as well. Yeah. Yeah, and I think it's really good to... Also, no yeah, going back to like knowing what you need. I think that's really key. If you don't know what to ask for, if you don't know what is going to make you feel a little bit better, it's going to be really hard to have that conversation.
I think there are going to be limitations with people who Maybe can't see themselves or aren't as self reflective. They might feel stifled, but still, I think that's step one with understanding. Some people might say, like, I don't know what I need. And they just might get really flustered. Like, you can you pose that question and they don't know what to do.
So, like, in that case, when they say they don't know what they need, absolutely do not give the advice. That is like a, yeah. Advice is the wrong answer. If someone's saying they don't know what they need, you should automatically know that. validation is the, the only thing that you can do in the moment. Mm hmm.
Because maybe they're embarrassed to say that they don't want the advice or like, maybe they feel like they've tried so many things and it hasn't worked so they don't feel like You know, advice is really what's going to help them, and yeah, maybe they just never received the support so they can't even understand what that would feel like or what that would make them feel if they did actually receive that support.
So, I mean, support's never the wrong answer advice sometimes is the wrong answer, so you can never go wrong by just supporting someone and making their experience feel real. Yeah, yeah, and I think but going back into, like, asking for other people's advice or opinions, too, like, kind of reflecting back on, you know, who you're asking for advice, again, and kind of realizing, like, why you're asking for the advice, like, something simple, so this is, like, very simple things in terms of, like, Alright, I can't decide what outfit I'm gonna wear today, like, let me ask this person, like, which, and you're kind of just seeing what their expectation is for you, so it's like, in terms of that, like, what I've started to realize, if you're indecisive, I don't know, I keep going back to this because I'm an indecisive person, but it's like, if you're kind of someone who goes and asks people for their advice or their opinion starting really small to like, kind of just rely on yourself for your own opinion and little things.
Like, alright, should I wear this dress or this dress? Or which, which outfit would look better? And it's like, alright, you make that decision for yourself. Like, don't ask anyone else. Like, you know your own answer. So, kind of trusting yourself in that sense. That's like a kind of separate tangent, but yeah, you know, like depending who you're asking for advice, like trying to listen to yourself a little bit too.
I think we... Like, because I, I would almost say, yeah, like advice and opinion can almost be interchangeable in a way. I think sometimes when we seek too much or I guess like, I, like I want to err more on the side of opinions. Like, I think if we're asking someone a very opinionated question, like the question you said, you know, what...
I think sometimes, and like, say we get an answer we don't like, I think you need to take that moment and be like, okay, why did I really ask this person? Like is there, like, am I focusing too hard on pleasing this person and that's why I'm seeking their advice and their opinion? And like, does their advice and opinion like actually make me happy?
Because I think, you know, sometimes we're, again, it's almost like we're seeking that validation, but we don't always get it served to us when we're asking for opinions. Right. We just kind of, a lot of the times, yeah, like sometimes we do want an answer because we can't decide on something that maybe seems minor, but at the same time, like, I think reflecting, like, okay, am I asking so much because...
I don't trust myself. Am I asking so much because I want this person's approval? Am I asking because I'm just lacking validation in my life in general and need that from somewhere? So I think a lot of times it can fall back. on any one of those three, or maybe like the fourth one, like, maybe you genuinely want to learn something.
I think that's like a beautiful reason to ask for advice, where you're like, wow, I need to expand my worldview and see how someone else would perceive this. Certain scenario, or can someone teach me something on this topic that I'm very like uneducated on, or like just haven't taken the time to be re like to research, or I hate saying like doing your own research, though I take that word back.
That's such a conflicting thing. We're not all conducting research studies, but you know, like maybe someone's educated formally in a topic. Or, you know, someone, like, I think of, like, okay, if I have a friend that studies psychology, aka my sister, like, I'll ask her her educated thoughts on, like, a situation because she kind of knows, like, the dissected textbook way to read a situation, understand it better but yeah, and that's where it's kind of, like, who are you asking for what kind of advice and opinion?
And I think being careful, like, with who you ask and how you ask are really important depending on what the topic is. But on the flip side of that, I think sometimes we're biased in who we ask when we know they're going to give us a specific answer that we want to hear. And again, that goes back to validation.
So if I know every time I tell my mom a story and I'm like, Oh my God, this person did something so mean to me and I'm so hurt by it. A lot of times my mom will just be like, well, stop talking to them. I'm like, that's not exactly what I want to hear, mom. So it's like, okay, do I tell my mom about this stuff?
Not really, because I know that's exactly what's going to come out of her mouth. So for me to just keep going back to. My mom and expecting her to give me anything different than that. Mm-Hmm. . I think it's really at that point, shame on me. I know. Mm-Hmm. . Like, this is a routine. This is what I know. Mm-Hmm.
So, yeah. I guess I'm not seeking, and again, I just wanted her validation. Mm-Hmm. . I didn't want her to tell me to stop talking to these humans. Mm-Hmm. . And so then on the flip side, if I go to someone that's a little more neutral in the situation or someone that I'm just like, I know this person's just gonna give me a hug and Mm-Hmm.
tell me it's gonna be okay. Mm-Hmm. . I'm like, yeah, that's really probably all I needed. Mm-Hmm. . Like, I, ultimately, I know what I'm gonna make. Like, I know what I'm going to do in this situation, but I just wanted support. So I think that's another part of it too. Like, do you genuinely want advice or do you genuinely just want support?
And if you know certain people give you advice and certain people give you support, you might stop or like, yeah, you might, depending on do you genuinely need the advice or just support, it'll affect who you're telling what to. Yeah, I agree. So it kind of goes back to like. You know, not everyone is there to give you the same advice, I guess, like, kind of know who you're talking to, if you're having those situations or those conversations, like, just knowing, you probably know how your family or friends, certain family members or certain friends are going to act so keeping that in mind, too, with what topic you're going to them with.
Beautiful. Yeah. Wow. Look at and listen to all of the unwarranted advice we just gave you.
We gave you unwarranted advice on taking unwarranted advice. Sorry! What? An oxymoron? Is that the right? I think that's the right term. Yeah. Wow. How interesting is that? Yeah. Well, they clicked on it, so. Yes. You asked for this podcast. You asked for this advice. This is consensual advice. Yes, yes. Yeah, I think this is definitely we said a lot of words, but it does boil down to a couple takeaway points that I want you to remember from here.
So we talked a little bit about how to deal with receiving unwarranted opinions. First, reflecting on the other person, where was that advice or opinion really coming from, and kind of like, giving them grace for doing it, because again, could come from like, a place of just wanting to help, it could come from a place of a wounded ego, and either way, that's not a reflection upon you.
So, you know, doing your best to not take that too personally, and I think, again, that reflection will help you in future situations, so it doesn't cause so much of a trigger for you. Next yeah, tell them what you need. Like, it's, that's really, you know, you can't go wrong by making it super clear what it is that you need in the moment, and just doing it in a proper, non offensive way, avoid using the word but.
First appreciate, do not transition with the word but. And then ask kindly for what you need and what would help you in that moment so that person can appropriately support or advise you in the way that you requested with a lot less room for error and feelings being hurt. And then, of course, If you are receiving these, um, or yeah, if you're receiving venting and someone's coming to you to tell you about something know how to appropriately offer the advice.
So remember step one is always validation. Validate, validate, validate. I want to emphasize that word because that is so important. That's really what we seek a lot of the times, in general, all the time. We just want validation for our human experiences and emotions because we just want to know we're normal.
And that's every human. We all just want to feel like someone else has experienced this, or someone is willing to sit with me in these feelings. And so, yeah, you have the right, if you want to give some advice, you absolutely can, but, ask permission. So that's the last point. If you want to give advice, Ask them if it's okay, in a way that makes them more receptive to what you're going to say if you feel like you have something really genuine, like try to connect with them, or if you feel like you can't necessarily relate to the situation, talk about something similar and express that you haven't experienced that thing so that they know that and that's clear and that they don't, you know, take advice like so to heart if you can't necessarily, if you're not like in a position to give Exact advice on a situation you haven't experienced.
I think full disclosure, always key when giving advice. Just like letting your biases be known. We do that in research, we should do that in our relationships. Just kind of letting people know where we're coming from with it. So yeah, those would be the key takeaway points. Kat, where can they find us?
If they want to ask us more questions where do we like to hang out? We're definitely on the Instagram world, the instas at fuel the underscore fire. Oh, I got it right. Yes. Good. I was like, question mark is the underscore before or after? Okay. But I got that right. So fuel the underscore fire. Yes, if you enjoyed this episode, please let us know we are asking for your opinion, so it's absolutely not unwarranted give us some feedback, we like to hear what you guys have to say so to any of our listeners We'll Remember, we also have feelings.
So when you give us your opinions, deliver it as nicely as you can. So we don't cry. Yeah, we don't want to cry. Specifically, she loves to cry. Well, actually, yeah, Kat and I talked about this. We just love crying. Yeah, I cry all the time. I feel like I've cried to so many times about like nothing, but here we are.
It's all something, Kat. All your feelings are real. I guess so. That's why I cry to you, Shannon. I'm trying my best to validate. Love it. But beautiful. Yeah, if you subscribe and write a review, we are giving away some merch, so don't forget to do that. It's... It's almost Christmas. Maybe it is Christmas. Maybe it's not Christmas.
Maybe it's Hanukkah. Yeah. Whatever you're into these days and whatever your beliefs are. Giving season. Yeah. The season of giving and receiving love in all directions, equally back and forth. That's the most important thing. So, yeah, leave us a little review, send us a screenshot, and we will give you some cozy merch to get you through this wild winter.
So, yeah. We also, I'm just gonna share this note. My favorite thing, Kat and I's favorite thing to say is love you, bye. So we've decided that, you know, we're just going to ruin everyone's life with this saying too. And we're going to sign off every podcast with love you. Bye. We say this to strangers and people we know, like, just again, like contact on the street.
Yeah. It gets weird sometimes, but those make good stories. So that makes some good stories so far. So we'll keep with the trend. All right, guys. Love you. Bye.