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Owning Your Role to Create a Healthy Relationship

Episode 20 of the Fuel the Fire Podcast hosted by Shanon Safi, RD, LDN.

Relationships aren’t always the easiest to navigate. They can bring up feelings of stress, fear, or insecurity. Sometimes, we find ourselves in the same situation or fight time and time again wondering "why does this always happen to me?". How can we prevent the relationship deja vu? Have we taken the time to learn and own our role in the past? In this episode, Shanon delves into her own past in relationships, the common feelings we tend to go through, and how we can cultivate pure love in our lives.

In this episode we talk about:

Have you tried changing yourself for others? Shanon’s early experiences in dating and self reflection. (02:18)

Having an understanding heart, a receptive mind, and taking ownership. (08:46)

The world is mirrors, what could we be projecting into our relationships? Are we sticking ourselves in a cycle? (16:04)

Take power over your outcome. (31:49)

Episode Transcript:

  If you continue to see yourself as a victim, you're literally giving your power to the other person. You're saying, I have no role in this. The universe is just dishing these negative experiences to me. If you keep saying that you're never going to be able to take control and say, yes, I have the tools to change this.

Hello. Hello. Welcome back to the fuel fire soul podcast with your host Shannon Safi. I recently had posted like a little anonymous question link on my Instagram story. And I got lots of questions, and mostly questions about romantic relationships, and like, my preferences and thoughts and experiences. And that was like, not at all what I had anticipated coming through when I posted that.

I expected more things on the topics of stuff that... Like I do with my work and so I thought it was interesting and I thought you know what like this is something that I really haven't publicly spoken on probably like at all on my Business page like I do I do have a personal page, which I'm not really using anymore.

But yeah, on my business page. I Probably shared absolutely nothing really that I can recall about my status in that arena or my thoughts or my experiences I think, I mean, obviously, all of us have some relationship desire one way or another. And yeah, I thought, like, why not? Because this can be something that heavily influences us as individuals during our days, how we spend our time, and really our life.

Especially when you're looking for a life partner, or you have the desire to have a life partner, this can have a huge impact on the trajectory of things. Especially in this realm of, like, personal development, I think that it is really important to do the work for yourself as an individual in order to be able to show up or attract the proper partnership, and so, yeah, here we are.

And I'm gonna talk a little bit about my thoughts on the subject. I had previously tried recording an episode on this, but after I had recorded it and played it back to myself, I felt like I was really just not fully seeing myself in the situations. And so now that I have had a little bit more time to reflect and I spent a little bit more time focusing on this aspect of my life, I feel like I have a better perspective.

Before, I was, I was always someone previously that put everything before my romantic relationships. My family, so like, when I was young, my parents, we were so against the idea of me having a boyfriend. There's like this, like, I don't know, like, if anyone else has old school parents, parents from another country, this is pretty common, where they'll say things like, no dating until you're married, and you should live at home until you're married.

So, my parents, yeah, they were, like, super strict in that realm. And so, I'm sure that was part of, kind of, like, what shaped this, and it was something that we just, like, never openly talked about. So I was, I really did not. talk to boys romantically in high school, like, at all because I was literally just not allowed to.

You know, like, I, I probably had, like, little boyfriends where we would, like, hold hands in the hallway. Like, nothing serious. Like, just, like, silly stuff, passing notes. But yeah, nothing. I didn't really start dating until probably, like, the end, right before I started college. I think that was, like, my first experience with, like, trying to talk to a boy.

Yeah, I mean like I knew literally nothing and I was so worried about How the other person perceived me that I was not being myself at all. I was so afraid I was like so timid and I felt like I'm supposed to just do Whatever he wants, and be who he would want and I really, like, just was not me, looking back, like, I, I was so far off the mark of what a relationship and what my role in the relationship could be.

How old was I? Like, I guess I must have been 17, right? So that was, like, my first time, like, trying to date someone. And then, in college, I had one serious relationship in college, and, like, reflecting back, looking at that, it was, he was a great person. Like, I, I don't have anything negative to say about him.

The reason the relationship, I feel like, probably didn't continue was because I just, again, like, I was trying to figure out who I was during college. Being in that environment, at home, and feeling like I was only trying to appease my parents and live up to some kind of standard. To meet someone else's idea of what I should be.

Like, I was so lost, but I didn't know I was lost. So that was, like, the problem. I was probably doing things that I wasn't even aware at the time that I was even doing. I had no idea who I was to even know that I was not being myself. I wanted to, like, step into this role of being, like, this, like, confident, cool chick that gets boys and, like, has no problem in that department, and, like, that's who I wanted people and was trying to convince people that I was, just, like, the cool chick, and, Wow, like, yeah, I, I look back at that and I'm like, I was just so far away from myself.

And it was almost like an experimental phase of my life because, yeah, like I said, I just, I wanted to reinvent myself going into college and see what it felt like to be a different person than the person I was playing in high school. And it took me a while to really come into who I was. So. So, you know, I definitely was pretty lost still, even after I graduated, went to grad school, moved back home after that, there, there was just so much confusion still around my actual identity, because again, like, when I went off to grad school, I wanted to, like, start fresh, reinvent myself again and so I had these, like, multiple phases of trying to step into a role that was better for me or be the person that I truly was.

But yeah, I guess I just kept Missing the mark, who I was to my core. And so, I started journaling at the end of my senior year of college. And that was really when my reflective process began. But it, it took years for me to really be able to see myself because I just, I didn't have the level of consciousness that I needed.

And the people that I surrounded myself by were also, like, just hyping me up for being who it was that I was being at the time. It's not their fault, because I was so confidently portraying this individual, but it wasn't truly me. I really, I was shaping myself to be liked. And I'm not, like, necessarily proud of that, but...

It is something that's also normal. Like, so many of us, if not all of us, have tried to step up and, like, be a person that we think will bring us love. I think we've all done it at some point in our lives. So, it's good to kind of be able to look at that and see it for what it is, because if I couldn't step away and acknowledge what I was doing, I would be stuck trying to appease the world and play the role of someone that I'm not truly, and I would continue to be out of alignment with my true self, and I would never be able to bring in the right relationship for me.

Yeah, it took me a long time to see how much of a people pleaser I was, and how much I would lose myself being in relationships. And again, like, I didn't even know that I was doing it. And I, I would typically be with partners who projected this really strong masculine character. And... With that dynamic, what would tend to happen is I would just, I really would feel who I am couldn't come out because it's going to be rejected by this person.

So, I need to step into this role of the right type of woman that this person would want to be with because they have the right idea of what a woman should be or how I should be and I have no idea. what I should be. Which is really silly looking back, but in my mind, I just saw it as like, oh no, like, I need to step up and be this person because that's what a woman in a relationship should do.

Again, like, the more traditional roles of like, oh, the woman cooks and cleans and she tends and nurtures everything and the man goes out and provides, he's the strong one. So, it like, I had this idea of like, what a relationship should look like, and I was trying to play in that role. And that led me to some really unhealthy patterns within relationships, where again, like I said, I would just like completely lose myself.

And what would happen is I would end up in these really unhealthy dynamics because I was so afraid to speak my truth. I was so afraid to share my emotions. And because of that, I would be with partners that also didn't show me that they wanted me to speak my emotions and hear my perspective. As time went on, I kind of realized, like, no, I need to start being myself.

I need to speak my truth. If I have feelings, I need to share them. Because otherwise, I'm just accepting things that I don't really want. So, either I can stay here in this relationship and be okay with what I'm receiving, or I can use my voice and say, hey, this is what would make me feel safe. This is what would make me feel comfortable.

You can choose to meet me there or you can tell me that you don't want to meet me there and the relationship ends. And that's totally fair, but what would happen is, like, when I realized how much I would lose myself in previous relationships, I started trying to speak my mind and express myself, and that, like, when you go from, like, not expressing yourself to trying to express yourself, there's a lot of internal resistance that I experienced, and it was really hard for me to do so, and the first partner that I tried to do that with was not wanting to acknowledge that.

So, I would say, hey, can we talk about this? Because I, you know, I'm having some emotions around it, and I just, like, want to express myself to you. And I remember distinctly in this one relationship, he would, like, reject that and say, like, why do you always need to talk about your feelings? Why do you feel compelled to share these things?

It felt like... You know, in order for this relationship to work, I have to just sweep these feelings and these problems and challenges that we're going through under the rug and, like, pretend like they're not happening in order for this relationship to continue. And so, again, I, like, I didn't see how unhealthy that was.

I kept trying to, like, figure out ways that I could talk about my feelings like, without him knowing that I was talking about my feelings. So, I don't really know what I was going for, but I struggled so much. But I really was trying to commit to expressing myself and it was just not happening in that dynamic because I had started that relationship playing the role of like passive, whatever you want, whatever you say, whatever you think is right.

And I am always just going to follow you. And I allowed for that dynamic to happen. So, when I tried to change it, it was obvious that it was resistance. I was trying to show up as a different person. And he didn't understand who this new person that I was trying to be even was. After time went on, we, you know, we went our separate ways and we kind of like talked about it and I think we both kind of saw what was happening.

So, they're really, you know, I think forgiveness is a really big part of this process and so you have to be able to forgive yourself and forgive the other person. And sometimes you don't always get to have a conversation with the other person, but you still have to forgive them and know that it really wasn't their intention.

To hurt you, because at the end of the day, you're the one that's responsible for your emotions. So, you have to take responsibility for expressing how you feel. If certain things don't feel good to you, you can share that. And that person can say, hey, I see that this type of behavior may hurt you, but I can't show up any differently.

Or they can say, hey, I wasn't aware that that's something that could hurt somebody. But now that I know I can change my behavior. But yeah, so it's like having those conversations are So important, even though they're so scary and hard to start at times. So, after that, I really realized like, okay, I need to really show up and be a lot clearer on like what my boundaries even are, how things make me feel like I didn't even know because like I tried to ignore my feelings for so long that like.

It still took me time to, like, navigate dating and even understand what type of relationship I even want to be in because I just had never established boundaries in previous relationships because I was so afraid to. And like, that led to so much toxicity in my life that, again, like, I perpetuated because I was allowing this to happen.

I used to say things like, why do I keep ending up with partners like this? And the only way for me to change that was to stop and say, what am I doing that is allowing this behavior to continue from person to person to person? I need to take responsibility for myself because that's the only thing I can do.

If I continue to point the finger and blame the other person and say, you know, they hurt me, they treated me poorly, they did this to me. Then, at no point will I ever have the power to do something different. So, if I keep blaming the other person and take no sense of personal responsibility as to why this is happening to me, I'm going to keep having those negative experiences happen to me.

So, for example, if I don't establish a boundary and then I get really mad at the other person for hurting me in that way, it's like, no, well, if I don't say that I have this boundary, how would they even know that it's something that I don't want? And so, for me to keep allowing it to happen and then like the 18th time finally say hey, I'm not gonna tolerate this They're gonna be like, what are you talking about?

Because you're now showing up in a different way and they're gonna say well like you didn't care about this before and now you're caring About it. But in that moment, that's not even how they're seeing it. They're just saying like You're not letting me just do what I want. I'm just doing things the way I normally do them.

You're being dramatic. You're coming out of nowhere with this. You're suddenly feeling this way and it makes no sense to me. So, like, you have to see it from that end of it where it's just like, just because it hurt you, you didn't express that. So, then that continues to happen. And you have to see where it's just like, okay, am I projecting things onto them that is causing them to act in a certain way as well?

And so like, that was a really big one where it's like, we, we all unconsciously project things onto other people at times. And what we really need to do is kind of sit down and reflect again on that piece and say, like, what am I doing? What am I projecting? And, you know, this seems really hard, but the way I see it is like, again, coming back to my concept of the world as mirrors.

If I feel, we'll say, like, a negative way about a person, so, for example like, a projection, like, I'll use, like, a, a body projection, right, where like, a pattern that I was kind of seeing was I would experience partners that I didn't love my physical shell, right, where they would want me to dress a certain way, do certain things with my hair, work out a certain way, so that I could look like what they wanted me to look like.

And so, what would happen is, they would say something, and rather than saying like, hey, I like the way that I look. I would be like, okay, you know, it's like you like when I straighten my hair, I'll straighten my hair for you instead of just like owning the fact that I have curly hair. Or they would say like, hey, you know, like, don't you want a bigger butt?

Maybe we should like work that out together. And I would be like, okay, yeah, why don't you train me and make me look this way? And so, looking at that and thinking back to that, I, I would just like accept that and say like, okay, like. Like, I wasn't acknowledging, like, oh, am I telling them enough that they look good, that they should, they feel confident and safe in this relationship?

Because what would happen is I would feel insecure and be like, why don't they think I'm good enough? Why, why isn't who I am on the outside enough for them? Like, why do I keep ending up in relationships where the other person doesn't think I'm good enough? But what I had to do is say, like, okay, am I making them feel Like, they are enough for me.

And I was not realizing that I was so obsessed with putting on this perfect image of how I look and who I am that it was making them feel inferior. I was projecting that onto them, but all I could see was that they were telling me these things. And so, it wasn't really until I stepped away from that and really was like, wow, this pattern keeps coming up.

Why is it coming up? And so, I could finally like step away and kind of see myself like, oh my gosh, I am doing things like unconsciously. So, it wasn't intentional, but I'm doing things that are making them feel like they are not enough. for me. And it was because of my own insecurity of not feeling like I was enough.

And now I'm suddenly projecting that onto them. And like, I feel so sorry for it because for so long, I would point the finger at the other person and say, why am I not good enough for you? Why is nothing I do good enough for you? Why do I always have these shortcomings? And I was so unaware that I was making them feel the same way.

That, that was a really, a really difficult one to realize because I felt so sorry. I felt so bad. That I didn't realize that I was doing it. But the thing is, is like, neither of us were really conscious. So, it was in so many unconscious relationships where our wounds would just like, hurt each other's wounds.

Because we didn't know how to express ourselves. We didn't know how to share our feelings. And so, we just like, kept unintentionally hurting each other. But the other person would always think the other individual was doing it intentionally. Which is the crazy part. So, like, so much damage. Can come from being unconscious in relationships.

Like, with this, it's, it's been more recent that I really started to have these realizations of my patterns, of my cycles, what I was doing, how I was showing up, how I'm making the other person truly feel, what I'm unconsciously projecting, how I'm hurting them and not even knowing it and just thinking that they're hurting me.

Like I was just, I just stopped and I, like, it was probably like last year at the end of last year that I really was like, wow. I'm so tired of myself repeating this cycle. I'm finally realizing like I am in a cycle here and if I don't take full responsibility and sit with myself and tell myself these really difficult things to hear and take responsibility for every word that I've said, every action that I've done, every insecurity that I have, like, I'm not going to be able to have something different unless I own every ounce of my shit.

That's what I had to do. And you know, normally you hit this, like you hit a wall one day. Like, you just experience a crazy pain, and that's what it felt like. I was like, why am I, why do I keep making the same mistakes? Why does this keep happening to me? Like, I was so, so hurt, like, over myself, like not even necessarily the other person, like I'm not saying they hurt me again, because it was me hurting me.

I was like, wow, I, I need to see myself in all of this. Sometimes it's nice, like when you're with someone that has a little bit more consciousness or has the willingness to be conscious, this, this change, this healing can happen. I don't even want to necessarily say more rapidly, but potentially more rapidly at least.

You know, you have someone to kind of say like, hey, have you considered this? You also need to be really open to receiving. And, and this is really hard. This is something that's not easy. I think receiving difficult things is hard and like sharing difficult things is also hard. On the receiving end, that note of it, it would just be like.

I would be like, hey, like, how am I showing up to you? Like, like, what are you feeling and how am I contributing or like, what actions am I doing? That's contributing to these emotions that you're experiencing. And it's, it's so hard to hear more recently. Like I kind of went through it and it's like you listen to it and it's like, it, it like really hurts because it's like you have someone that's kind of telling you, hey, this behavior led to these emotions.

And it was just like, oh man, I like didn't even see myself doing that. You really, you just have to own it. The unworthy thing, I, you know, I think that was like a really big pattern for me where I just was like so deeply feeling like I was unworthy that I was just projecting that onto the other person.

And so. Like, and especially when it comes to, like, talking about the past, we have this tendency to, it's almost like we can go one of two ways with it. We try to make, like, make it seem like things that we have done in the past were very innocent. It's like, oh, well, you know, like, I didn't, like, I did this.

And, like, ultimately, we're just, like, lying to ourselves. So, like, for example, In the past, you might look back at something that you had done in a past relationship and you want to spin it as if you were, like, the victim in the situation to kind of, like, make yourself feel better and, like, not look like a bad person to this new person that you're trying to date.

A concrete example where it would be like, oh, you know, this person insulted me, they didn't treat me well, they disrespected me, they didn't take me out, they didn't listen to my emotions, they didn't respect my thoughts, they didn't respect my wishes, and we get so built up, like we build up this story and we villainize the person that we were with before and want to tell ourselves like, oh, you know what, I just wasn't with the right person.

And then, we go into a new relationship, and we're saying these things, and now this person is kind of trying to take it at face value, and they're like, oh, this is a sweet girl, you know, she was just mistreated before, she was hurt before, she's showing up, great, so. You go into this and, like, you continue to unconsciously project those hurts onto that other person.

A good example of an unhealthy pattern or lack of consciousness and awareness that, you know, we've probably all done it. And this is something that I just noticed that I would frequently do without full consciousness of it because I just had this expectation, like, this person needs to show up for me all the time.

Which obviously isn't true, like, we all have to find that balance. It would be typically because I would over give and ignore my feelings for that person to meet their needs that I was expecting them to do the same for me. And that's not fair because I should be responsible for my needs and they should be responsible for their needs and we should both be able to express it.

So, what would happen is, like, I would over give, over give, over extend. Then, when a day would come up and I would hope that they would over extend themselves. And they wouldn't, I would get really upset with them. And then they would feel like you're not respecting my emotions. And then I say, well, I'm always sacrificing my needs for you.

Then they're like, well, I can't do that for you. And I couldn't understand why. There are definitely quite a few women that I know that have the tendency to over give. Say... Your partner has had a really stressful week at work, and you guys have plans for, like, dinner on Friday night. So, what will happen is, like, okay, your partner has a really rough week, and by Friday night, they're like, wow, I just, like, I just need some time to sit with my thoughts and decompress.

This is just a lot. I feel overwhelmed. And these emotions that they're experiencing have absolutely nothing to do with you. And when you guys made those plans, they didn't expect to have a really crazy week that really drained them. So, Friday night comes and you're so excited, you're like, oh my gosh, I got my nails done Thursday and then I got my hair done on Friday for our beautiful dinner and picked out a new outfit.

All of this. I'm so excited for dinner. And your partner's like, hey, do you mind if we reschedule? so burnt out, exhausted. I kind of, I just need a day. And then we hear that and we like, take it so personally. We're like, oh my gosh, this is so annoying. Like I did all of this to prepare myself for this dinner.

I stuck to this commitment that you made. This was your plan. And like, now we're not going, you're cancelling on me, I feel unloved, I can't believe this would happen, it's like you don't even care, you don't even try for me, you don't want to do nice things for me, and we get real frustrated. And it's, that's really, it does not create a healthy relationship dynamic.

This goes the same in like, friendships too. This is almost like where I'm really putting what I'm preaching into practice and showing up in this way. Now that I kind of show up in this way where I'm honoring what the other person's needs are, I'm not taking it personally when they need to honor their needs.

It just completely changes a relationship. It's like, hey, I'm here for you. You're here for me. We are individually here for ourselves. And the relationship happens when those two paths align. It's normal to have people have ebbs and flows, and we can't always take their ebbs and flows personally. Or, you know, not taking into consideration, like, what maybe they did sacrifice for you, but you're so stuck in, like, what you gave and what you did that you can't see what they're giving and what they're doing.

Just because it might be different than what you gave, it doesn't mean that they're not still equally trying to be giving. Past tendencies of mine, I would get, like, Quiet and withdraw and not want to speak to that person because I was like, wow, I feel hurt, but I would probably express that and say like, okay, cool.

And then in the background, I'd be so upset and like frustrated saying those things that I said before to myself or to my friends. I wasn't seeing how even that withdrawal rather than seeing it as like, okay, I'm giving them space to work through this and saying like, I'm here if you need me, I would just withdraw.

That was also contributing to hurting the relationship. Now, really, I'm not perfect with it, but I'll kind of catch myself in those moments and say, like, it takes time to process this. It's not instantaneous yet for me, but I'm getting better, so it's like, I'll have those moments where I'm like, Ooh, I feel hurt, I want to withdraw, and I might do it for like a few minutes, and kind of put myself back in there and be like, Shannon, no, you can't just withdraw when you experience an uncomfortable emotion that you're afraid to voice or not being considerate of the other person or not showing enough compassion in this moment.

It's like, I'm great at showing this compassion in my work and I'm great at showing up for my friendships, but I wasn't giving that same energy to my romantic relationships. That's such a key factor. And like, you can start to think about that. Like if you have really amazing friendships, ask yourself, in what way am I showing up for those amazing friendships that I'm not doing the same in my romantic relationship?

What grace do I give my friends that I'm not giving my romantic relationship? I think that can really help because a lot of times, I think I might have mentioned this before, like our friends want to hype us up and make it seem like we're not doing anything wrong. And your friends can be a real opportunity to help you with this if you are single.

So, you want to have friends that you can kind of go to that will be willing to have these difficult conversations with you. So, if you're like, hey, I want some real, honest, raw feedback because I'm really trying to better myself. You want your friend to really tell you and give it to you in the most raw, honest, real way possible, because that's the only way that you grow.

And the thing is, so many of us reject even. Going that far to say like, hey, what am I doing wrong? Or like, what am I, how am I not showing up properly? Because like that truth hurts. It takes a strong person to acknowledge that they're perpetuating a cycle or that they're in a pattern and it's really, it's not perfect.

It's not easy to break them. But it's your ability to be vulnerable and acknowledge that and show people that and even with future partners It seems scary to say like hey, I struggled in these ways and I haven't showed up the best in these ways but the thing is like you're acknowledging that you have conscious awareness around it.

So, A person will see that, hey, this, this individual is being vulnerable and they're willing to see themselves and they're willing to work through things. And they, if they're willing to see it in themselves, they're probably going to be willing to hold space for me to work on my own stuff. And so, like that realness, that rawness, that vulnerability, if you're able to put it out there and acknowledge that you're working on it and.

Want to change. That other person is more likely to embrace you and be wanting to work on a relationship with you. Because that's so important. You know, think about it in the reverse role. If someone is willing to say like, hey, I own what I did and I'm willing to continue to see myself even when it's hard.

That, to me, that's so much more secure and healthy. With all of this stuff I said, I know I was probably, like, a little bit all over the place. Today, I feel like I was jumping from one thing to another or, you know, actually, I kind of feel like I talked about the same thing throughout this entire podcast, because, ultimately, coming into a relationship and wanting a healthy relationship requires a level of consciousness, especially when you have struggled in the past or have had any traumatic experiences in relationships in the past.

The key takeaway I want you to have is to not let yourself play the role of the victim. If you continue to see yourself as a victim in your relationships or in your dating life, you're never really going to be able to grow from it. You're literally giving your power to the other person. You're saying, hey, I have no role in this.

The universe is just dishing these negative experiences to me. If you keep saying that, you're never going to be able to take control and say, yes, I have the tools to change this. You have to say like, no, I'm going to look at my role in this. I'm going to see what I'm doing that's allowing these negative things to happen.

I'm going to take control and I'm going to make the changes that I need to take within myself. I'm going to look at my insecurities. I'm going to acknowledge my weaknesses. I'm going to acknowledge my fears and I'm going to do something that's going to heal those and I'm going to be vulnerable and I'm going to express my emotions.

I'm going to share my thoughts. I'm going to be my authentic self because that's all you can do. For the right relationship to come to you, you have to be as authentic, raw, real, and honest as possible. That's all you need to do. Easier said than done, but it will always come back to that. It will always come back to you being honest and you expressing yourself and you being vulnerable and letting go of the fear.

Letting go of trying to control the outcome of what this thing could be with the other person. You just gotta let it happen. You just have to just express yourself fully. So, the energy you put out, like, you want someone that's honest, real, vulnerable, expressive. You need to show up in that way. You need to show up in that way all the time from day one.

And that is so important. You have to be radically honest with yourself about how honest am I really being? How truthful am I really being? Because that's hard. That is so hard. When I really looked at myself and said, like, if I want honesty, in what ways am I not being honest? Not saying how I really feel is being dishonest, not being genuine about my interests in fear of rejection, not being honest about my preferences because I'm afraid they're not going to want the same thing.

Like, no. These are ways that you're not being honest. While you think you're being nice, that's not being nice. That's being dishonest to yourself. And you just need to show up in the way that it's like, hey, I'm being honest with me. I'm being honest with them. In all of these little ways. Figure out who you are, establish your boundaries, take time if you need it, have conversations with your friends.

Like I said, like, relationships aren't easy, but we're all human. We all make mistakes, so you have to be able to forgive yourself, you have to be able to forgive the other person, and that's gonna help take you a long way in having a healthy relationship, in calling in the right relationship. Wow. So yeah, everything that I'm saying is really a reminder to myself.

All of this is stuff that I've been really working on and really trying to embody these principles and show up as authentically as possible. Because at the end of the day, again, like I said, that's the most important thing that you can do is just be yourself, own who you are, own whatever mistakes you've done, evolve, grow.

This is all part of the process. It's shining light in the dark places. It's all part of it. Alright guys, I am not a relationship expert. I'm going to repeat that. So, you can take what I said and use it, you can take what I said and throw it away. But yeah, this is my perspective. This is where I'm at with relationships.

This is how I perceive them. I hope to continue expanding upon this now that I've really given myself permission to really take time to spend here. Because like I said before, I put everything before my romantic relationships. I just didn't give myself time to really work on it, and now that I'm like, okay, now I need to make space if I want that in my life, a lot's gonna keep coming through, so maybe I'll do another episode in the future when things change, or if I have a new perspective on this.

But yeah, this is where I'm at right now. I would love to hear your thoughts, your experiences. Let's have a conversation about it. DM me on Instagram fuel, the underscore fire. And if you've enjoyed this or, you know, you want to share this with others, I greatly appreciate that. I'm really trying to get my message out there and just be as open and vulnerable with people as possible.

And if you guys can relate in any way, or know someone that can relate, yeah, like I said, it means a lot to me if you share it and write a review. The reviews really help. And they're also very nice and encouraging for me, and it helped me keep wanting to put more and more good content out there when I'm finding that it's serving other people.

So yeah, I love that. Yeah, I'll come back to you guys soon in a couple weeks and have a new topic for you. So yeah, thanks so much. Love you guys. Bye.



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